A Chilled Week Begins... & Ends!!!

Bank Holiday Monday 30th August was a chill out day, of Laundry, Housework, Ebaying & Uploading Photo Albums, so I could send my Sister-in-law the photos from her Son Alex's Christening. Had two messages on Facebook from 2 guys who saw me on Saturdays John Bishops Britain & hunted me down, to say they thought I was gorgeous (flattering but a bit odd too) one looked like a nice normal guy the other had no pic so probably a 30st 60yr old Internet perve lol.

Had the heating up full blast, as I was bloody freezing & then I spent time sorting out my posters advertising the audition of new musicians for my band Evil Barbie & The Ken-Dolls, which will be held at Pineapple Dance Studios, on Sept 23rd which will also be filmed for the NEW Sky1 show Showbiz, which is coming out in the New Year. They will then be filming our new music video, later which will also be shown on the show. I have put the word out on various sites, That I am Auditioning NEW Band Members, on sites such as Facebook, Myspace, Twitter etc and on industry sites such as StarNow. I have had quite a few response's from StarNow. The Posters I put in local shops & Bars should also bring in more local musicians too.

Tuesday 31st August was an equally chilled day, but the weather had gone from bitter cold winter (yesterday) to hot bikini weather today, so I took the dogs for a few hours walk by the lake in the park, and did some gardening. The VERY apologetic painter & decorator, apologised for his helper cocking up (re my painted open back room window) saying if anything was damaged they would reimburse me. The back of the building is now done just the front to do, which I believe will be done on Sunday thank god about time!.... got home checked my StarNow Advert responses, Five new applications since this morning, Two Drummers & Three Guitarists, all good & two guitarists really look & sound the part!!...

My BFF Candy called & I'm going to see her in Muswell Hill, North London & stay over Friday & then Saturday I'm off to see my friend Nicky & stay over with her & catch up!!... slowly started sorting through my late Mums stuff, stored in my back room, she died unexpectedly a year ago due to internal bleeding caused by an aneurysm & it has taken me a year & a bit to be able to sorting through it, without wanting to burst into tears, but I need to clear the room up & get my easel set back up & get back into my artwork. My friend Gemma (who was going to go on coach trip with me) called & said to keep Sat 11th free for her birthday party at The Orange Tree Totteridge. She said she has got the pink back in her hair she use to have & there is a Mad Hatter theme so its all crazy headgear which should be a laugh, I may even make one if this week stays chilled enough that I have the time ......

Gemma With Her Pink Back

Wed Sept 1st & the 1st day of the new month starts with 2hrs with my Fitness First Running Club, round Sunny St Albans Parks & fields, the scab on my lip from dog bite is healing but still tender, I then parcelled up 6 items bought off me on Ebay, I noticed a Pound Shop has opened up in the high street, while I was out taking items to the Post Office, meanwhile Primark have been in a 3-4yr battle with The Abbey Society, because Primark started refitting the old McDonnalds after the council gave them planning permission, only for the Abbey Society (who own most of St Albans Land) to put an injunction on it, forcing them to down tools, saying Primak was too down market for St Albans!! (errrr and a Pound Shop isn't ???) Spoke to my friend Gemma (in pic above) she has almost finished her wall mural in her studio & as it's her 1st ever wall mural, & I think for a 1st attempt she has done a bloody good job (as you can see by pic of the semi finished mural below)

I did some more laundry & now I am now about to sort more items from the back room, both my late mums things & my own, to make room for me to set up my art corner again, & my dressmaking corner, to make clothes, home furnishings & the character dolls I make of my friends (below) which all come with the relevant scars/tattoo's etc of the friends they represent, all my friends wait in anticipation as to what Xmas or Birthday they will receive a doll of themselves, need to sort out those painting & sewing corners as they are somewhat buried at the moment!! & I'm missing being creative, at the moment I can only be that through acting or when I'm singing!! whether with my Band Evil Barbie & The Ken-Dolls or just having fun at Karaoke......

Me & The Gang On Our Turkish Holiday

In The Beachwear We Wore On Turkish Holiday

Chris's Legs Are Meant To Be White

(they never tan!!!)

The Doll Of Me in Bikini & Jewelery

I Wore Most On The Holiday

(inc belly stud)

The Me Doll

In Dress Worn Most On Holiday

(the one I wore for music festival in the year so far blog)

While sorting back room, I came across an old portfolio of some really old School Art Homework & some Still Life Drawings I did when I first started Art College, here are a few examples of my work from when I was 14 to 18 Years Old, I was Big Fan of Adam & The Ants back in the day, still love them to be honest!

Pencil Drawing Of Adam & The Ants

(for my school homework)

Iris Line Drawing Study For School Homework

Cacti & Fern Ink & Wax Etching

Nude Line Drawing

Nude Charcoal Drawing

Charcoal & Chalk Nude

Pencil Line Drawing Of Shoe

Had a break from sorting back room to watch Ugly Betty & Ultimate Big Brother before going back to continue sorting for the rest of the evening.

In the Wee hrs my friend Ian says he has tickets for 8  Out Of 10 Cats Big Brother Special, did I want to come...... errr do fish swim? do bears crap in the woods!!?.....HELL YEAH!!!.....

Thursday 2nd Sept & I didn't fall asleep until 5am or later, as I'm a bloody insomniac & as usual certain friends woke me with texts from 8am as they have been doing all week FFS so I have been living on 2-3hrs sleep a day (I wouldn't mind but, the texts were nothing so urgent, that they couldn't be sent after noon or at least not before 10am!! they wake me even if I put phone on vibrate (I am a ridiculously light sleeper!!) My Heat Magazine came in the post (delayed by Bank Holiday) opened it up & I fell in love on the page in front of me was George Lamb, (See below) now normally Gorge George would of had 100% of my attention, but in his arms was the object of my affections the gorgeous Beefy Rothstein (I fell in love immediately!!) Beefy is the heat Office's cat!! he is @BeefyRothstein on twitter & has his own facebook page for those of you who are smitten with him like me!

I was pottering round the house before setting off up the park with the dogs, when something (nothing in particular) made me think of Mum & I found myself welling up & crying bucket loads of silent tears, (I didn't think I had any left after crying constantly for 6 months after she died) she was more than my mum she was also my best friend & I miss her so much!!....

Minimum, I'm in Flats Mums in Heels!!

Not all Son-in-laws hate their Mother-in-law

Yet another lovely day & I spent a hour or more with the 3 dogs down the Park Husky (Aku) Chocolate Labrador (Stanley) & Chocolate Labrador puppy (Betty) As usual Stanley went swimming in the lake (hunting for left over bread thrown for the Ducks, Geese & Swans etc) saw some really big fish in the side stream, no wonder the heron is often sat there fishing!!

My friend Mike called & said was I about Friday? as he fancied an evening out, but I said I'd be at Candies.

Mike & I have been best friends since I was 21 that's 25yrs

Posted more Ebay Sales & went home, the owner of the Tattoo parlour next door saw me & said she was going to get the lads (who work or hang outside the tattooists) to clear up all their junk they leave in my courtyard (about time, it's beginning to look like Hoboville!!) I was chatting to one of the tattooist lads about a few tattoo designs I did for friends (I base them around the astrological charts I do for them) he said he would be interested in seeing some, they might buy some designs off me!!..... would be handy!

One Of my Astrological Chart Based Tattoo Designs

The papers all have the STIG V BBC court case all over their front pages, to be honest my enjoyment of Top Gear is not compromised by me knowing who the STIG is, the only thing that's come out of it for me is finding out that the STIG is a SAS hottie called Ben Collins..... I Would!!!.... even though not my usual type! 

Continued sorting things then stopped for a bite to eat & to watch "The Hunt For Britain's Sex Traffickers" *Bastards* Ultimate Big Brother & Britain's Ugliest Models on Ch5.


I know the Pierced ,Tattooed, Pensioner, Prince Albert (below) on tonight's episode of Britain's Ugliest Models, he lives near by & is often seen in St Albans, he use to be a good looking bank manager in his youth, of the 1940's movie star ilk, I don't know what made him change so much?  My friend Danny Khan who was in Vampire Sitcom "Georgina" with me is best friends with the Owner/creator of Uglys, I'd love to get on their books I must have a word or three to Danny, as I love Uglys Model Agency!!

Friday 3rd Sept, was more hectic, first a hour running around the park playing Frisbee with the dogs, then running round paying a few bills, a quick jump in the bath & then slipped into a coral maxi summer dress & big Sunny's, as it was a hot summers day out packed my big sequined tote bag with my nightie & a few essentials & went to the bus stop in the high st & waited for the 712 Greenline bus to London, got off at Brent Cross Shopping Centre & caught a 102 to Muswell Hill, got to Candies & caught up with the latest gossip & then her eldest son Xavier showed me a few things on his PC & got me to play a few games with him on Club Penguin, have to say the fishing game was quite fun, as was the water doughnut one!! (Big Kid)

Watched Ultimate Big Brother in the evening with Candie & chatted about Nasty Nick & Victor's snug show, Big Brothers Little Brothers Cousin, saying how funny it was, the conversation then moved to Big Brothers Little Brother, Candie asked if George Lamb had a Girlfriend? I said "he did have then they broke up, don't know if he is dating anyone new now?" she said "I think you should date him, you would suit each other" I laughed well when ever I see him & we have a picture taken he always ends up looking down my top, unavoidable really as he is so tall (love a tall guy!!)  She said "Good start you should stalk him into marrying you Bridget Neilson stylie!!" I laughed & said "Yeah until the restraining order ruins things!!".......

My future fiance?

Damn Those Restraining Orders!!

Stayed up to watch Vanessa Felts on the live feed in the Ultimate Big Brother House (she went in tonight after Makosi & Nadia went out in a double eviction) Victor & Nasty Nick interviewed her in the snug for their big Brothers Little Brothers Cousin show case very amusing!!....... ended up going to bed at 4am

Saturday 4th Sept got up at 8.30am had breakfast with Candie & the kids then took the kids into Muswell Hill Town so Candie could have some peace & quiet while she gave some clients a makeover (bride & bridesmaids) got some fun toot from 99p store then came back put CBB's on for Tiger & made us pizza for our lunch & then played some more club penguin fishing games on Xaviers PC as he wanted me to play as his penguin to get lots of coins, so he could use them to pay to refurbish his Club Penguin Igloo, Candy & I chatted for a bit, arranged to have an afternoon out in the city soon & watched some TV then she gave me a lift to Finsbury Park, got back to St Albans (the weather chillier than the beautiful day before)  Xavier (aged 9) passed me a note with his Club Penguin account details & asked me to play the fishing game at home for him to increase his coins & so he could decorate his igloo more, I burst out laughing & had a word to him about slave labour! lol. I got a paper & a couple of diet cokes to shove in my bag on the way home & 30mins later Nicky picked me up, had a really nice dinner at Nicky's, of Fish Shish Kebabs, potato wedges, pea & sweetcorn salad & bread. Then after her daughter Emily-Louise (aka Mini) went to bed we caught up on the latest gossip & then chilled out in front of the TV by midnight I was flagging & went to bed Falling asleep around 1am

Sunday 5th Sept I woke up at 8.30am & had a laugh with Mini & Nicky (Mini was being very cute) had a coffee & caught up with the local gossip at Nicky's end of town (London Colney) and I gave her the gossip about mutual friends & what little gossip there was from the Centre of St Albans where I live. Watched a bit of BBLB played a bit with Mini had a late brunch about 2.30pm & headed home about 4pm still feeling tired. Made myself a strong coffee & then settled down to watch Transformers Excellent!! I LOVE Robots!

When I was a little girl I was a typical girly looking little girl with blonde ringlets, frilly dresses & bows in my hair but I absolutely LOVED Robots (dinosaurs & dragons too) when I was 5yrs old my Nan took me & my 2yr old brother Bill in to a toyshop, to buy me my birthday present & told me to choose 2 things I could have whatever I wanted!.... did I choose a cute Teddy or a Barbie or Sindy Doll?...... Nope I chose a battery operated Darlek & a battery operated Pink & Silver Robot with revolving lit up eyes. My Nan took them to the counter & the guy behind the desk looked at Bill & said "Good choice, the little lad will love these" My mum said my nan told her his face was a picture when she said "There not for him, they are for her!" pointing in my direction.

 My love affair continues today with my love of the gorgeous Titan The Robot! (in pic below)  If I won Euromillions I'd want a Titan living with me in my Huge NEW home!!..... I adore him!!!

Watched Ultimate Big Brother, Chatty Man, & The Waterboy before crashing out at 1am ending my chilled week next week looks more action packed with going to "8 out of 10 Cats" on Wednesday, my friend Sammy (friend of BB11 Ben) wants me to come on a girls night out of drinks & clubbing in Mayfair Friday, then there is Gemma's Birthday do in Totteridge Saturday & god only knows what in between!!!????......

A Not So Brief History Of The Evil Barbie

I was born in London at 7.45pm on Saturday June 20th 1964 (making me 46 right now YIKES!!) So I was my dads Fathers Day present, a few hours early. I'm one of Seven children, I have Four brothers & Two sister's, but I have never met my half sister Gay, or half  brother Brian, from my dads 1st marriage, to their Mother, Mary Elizabeth Duke, who was last known to be living somewhere in in Edinburgh Scotland, I have been trying to search for them,. even setting up a Facebook group to try to find someone who knows them, to no avail. I was born & bred in Eaton Place Belgravia (Mayfair) below

 In Hyde Park With Dad

 In Hyde Park With Mum

 6 Months Old Havin Fun With Dad

With Mum 6 Months Old My 1st Xmas

Me At 4yrs



My family later moved & I  lived in North Dean (Buckinghamshire) on a Private Dairy Estate, I was going to Speen Junior School, before later going to a school in High Wycombe

 Outside Our Home In North Dean, With Uncle Jack

With Trampass

Later we moved to Farnsfield (Nottingham) to Farnsfield Stud Farm (Arab Racehorses) where I went to St Johns Church of England School Lacy Green. (below)

Then when I was 11yrs old we moved to Warninglid (West Sussex) to a gate house (below) on a Private Estate belonging to Lord & Lady Hayward (who own Wolves FC & most of The Bahamas & Jack Hayward, AKA Union Jack Hayward, was involved in a scandal, caused by politician Jeremy Thorpe) that Estate farmed sheep (so is it any wonder I love animals so much, and became vegetarian?? ) I went to Warden Park School in Cuckfield (seen below)



I Wasn't so happy at my last school (Warden Park) as I joined part way in 1st term, so I was the new girl & because I wasn't willing to join the cool gang, who bullied the spotty, fat, bespeckled kids or call the quiet boys gay, I was bullied myself, as it was either bully or be bullied!! So I had a fare few bog washings & compass stabbings !! It didn't help that I wanted to do something exciting, unlike the country girls, be a model, singer, actress, beautician, designer, stylist, artist, illustrator, novelist or lion tamer, while they wanted to be farmers wives or work in the village shop or post office!!..... their lack of any aspirations meant that in my 5th year when we had our options, I was the only person to choose Drama & so the one of the two options, that I really wanted (the other being art) was scrapped ...... Gutted!!



At 16yrs went on to Art College in Horsham & then Worthing in West Sussex. Doing a Degree in Fashion Design & The History Of  Fashion. I think fashion must run through the family's DNA as mum made all my clothes as a child & many of my family tree going back 100's of years, on both sides, worked as either Tailors or Seamstresses or Costumers the others were either Cobblers (might explain my love of shoes) or in service to the Gentry & the rest in the Army, Navy or Air Forces, plus my 2nd Cousin is famous, Savile Row Designer, Tommy Nutter, who designed for many a Celebrity Including, Elton John, the Beetles & The Joker Costumes for Jack Nicholson for The Batman Movie & taught Oswald Botang everything he knows.



While at College I was doing a bit of pin up calender & still life modeling, to help pay my way. While there I became very close to the late fashion designer, John Flett, and I became his Muse & a fledgling Fag Hag. Then while sending off one spec letter after another, to fashion houses, I moved to Brighton & worked at Dr Brighton's, then moved on to run The Ship Inn, on the Lewis Road, living with my two new Gay pals Ken & Martin, Living & going out on the town with them two, I lived practically in the numerous gay clubs there.

Eventually all my spec letters paid off & I got my 1st Job as a designer in London, for a company called Moulton Vogue & moved from Brighton, to Forest Hill South London, renting a room in the house of quite a sour faced Greek spinster, called Lisa Krekis, who kept insisting on dragging an unwilling me, to go to singles nights & clubs with her (as she was soooo desperate for a husband!!) & then got royally Pissed Off when the single blokes flocked round a disinterested 21yr old me, while the she the sour faced 35yr old got ignored!!! (try smiling love!!) She also illegally stole half my possessions when I left saying I owed her money for a huge phone bill run up due to numerous calls to Australia!!.... errrr there was a a lock on the phone, I didn't know anyone in Australia at the time & her 2nd tenant was Australian!!! do the math woman!!! (think it was revenge for the attention at the singleton events!!) I was locked in a legal battle with her over it, but then mum hit her head under a cupboard, shattered her retiners & went temporarily blind!! then my dad needed open heart surgery, so I just left it, as family is more important than possessions, but that Bitch had 5yrs of my Art Work in my College Portfolio which I still miss, among other sentimental teen items & designer clothes .... I became more Landlord Savvy after that!!


Later I moved onto Palmers Green North London, briefly in a shared house (where I experienced loads of ghost activity.... I have had interactions with Ghosts since a child, but I will save that for future blogs, I have kept a record of my experiences & will be writting a book on them eventually) then eventually I moved into my 1st flat of my own, just down the road in Bounds Green North London, when I was about 25yrs. In those days I ran with my Greek Posse, of Andrulla, Soulla, Andrea, Anna, to name a few & was a propper Gorri Girl, our drinking spot was The Bull & Bush Hamstead, and I always in the Greek Night Clubs, such as Fantasia, Cleopatra's, E'metos etc etc in either Green Lanes, North London, Edgeware Road, or off of Tottenham Court Road, Belly Dancing like a woman possessed.

At that time I was working as a designer for a Spanish Company Called Jungle & loved it, I designed the textiles, some of the clothing lines, the business cards & carrier bags, I illustrated the collections in catalogues designed the shop fronts & exteriors (I put up my own scaffolding and painted the exteriors & did the sign writing) I even painted leopard spots & tigers climbing the walls on the outside of the factory, plus I styled the models on photo shoots & did their makeup best of all though was actually working with Live lions & tigers while I was with them (& from that, dong some voluntary work with the Born Free Federation) and I was sad when Jungle finally closed down, due to the recession at the time. I freelanced as a Designer & Actress, for a bit & did a lot of Promotion jobs, at big events & stores & Expo's before moving on to Retail Sales & Management for brands such as Versace. It was here I got my Evil Barbie name.  A South African agency guy called Bryden, came to work for me as a temp & we'd tell jokes and funny tales of our lives & one day he turned to me & said "I'ts funny you look like Barbie, but you have the cruel sarcastic humour of a guy.......*Gasp*...... You Evil Barbie!!!!" and it stuck.....


Working in the Fashion, Acting & Retail Industry, I acquired even more Gay BFF, the most of Important of all Being Nat & Terry, (Married in Brighton in October 2008) who I love like family. I met Nat Di Maggio through my best friend Candie, who was worked for Chanel when I was working for Versace as a manager & make-up artist.

The house I had a flat in at the time in Bounds Green, was put up for sale, so yet again I needed to move, having acquired a lot of belongings & furniture over the years, since leaving home at 16yrs, I couldn't find anywhere unfurnished in London , that was in my price range &  that was also bigger than a rabbit hutch, in the time frame I had to move out. So I  temporarily moved into a Flat in Tottenham (who's landlord tried to tell police I'd stolen all his furniture when I moved out, in an insurance scam, luckily after the Greek bitch episode, I photographed the flat before I moved in & after, plus the shop below had signed for my furniture when it arrived when I was out!!... nice try Mr but I don't get bitten twice!!.... bloody cheeky git , thanks to him I was rushed to hospital & was lucky I didn't die, due to Carbon dioxide Poisoning as he'd not serviced the gas heater in over 40yrs & the flu was totally blocked with leaves, so all fumes went back into my temp flat, (he was lucky I didn't sue him!!) eventually I moved to St Albans in November 2002, After finding a roomy flat, which also meant I was close to my mum, who had been living there alone, since my dad died of Lung Cancer (an Evil Disease) in September 1997.

I quickly made new friends & worked as A Bar/Nightclub Manager by Night & a Manager of Clothing Boutiques by Day, But the recession has hit Retail bad & many shops in St Albans have sat empty the past few years & the number of empty shops in the high street, are rapidly increasing!!.... when both McDonald's & Burger King close down, you know something is wrong!! Working in !CE (below) I made even more friends.

The problem in St Albans at the moment is The rents on both flats/houses & shops in St Albans, are as high as (& at times higher than) London's, but the wages in the area fall far below those in London, as does the customer foot fall. So despite paying out low wages, retailers are not hitting the targets needed to pay such high rent & rates. Yet the snobs at the Abbey Society have blocked Primark from moving into the Large McDonalds (that closed 4-5yrs ago) saying it is too down market for the area, evwn though they are allowing a 99p store!!...ignoring the fact that Primark is a big enough company to afford such rent & rates, so wont close after a few months, like some cheep toot shops before them, plus the fact it would provide many, much needed, jobs for the growing local unemployed, let alone ignoring the fact that most average family's & student's WANT a Primark in St Albans.... but don't get me started on that one!! So I made St Albans my home, and was a happy go lucky Girl About Town!!!.... (well if you can be in your 40's and still be called a girl!)

A few years later I came down with Double Pneumonia, becoming so ill I nearly died, thanks to the doctor that I'd called in, diagnosing asthma & giving me an Inhaler for my prescription & not much needed drugs (despite the fact I said there was no asthma in my family & that I thought I had Pneumonia, as My chest crackled like bubble wrap popping,  when I pushed my hand on my upper chest area, he poo pooed me, like I was some hypochondriac bimbo) NEVER settle for a doc's diagnosis if you think it's wrong, (my Dads Lung Cancer was fobbed off for 2yrs as Bronchitis, as they were too tight to send him for X Rays, by the time a locum did one, 2 years later one & a half lungs were eaten away with Cancer & he could not be saved & he was given 5 months to live..... he died exactly 5months to the day) I was also fobbed off with a doctor who said I had a migraine, when I went in saying I thought I had Meningitus, 2 days of suffering later, a worried boyfriend took me into A&E where I was rushed into a private room, diagnosed with Meningism (a form of Meningitus) so never NEVER let your GP fob you off with something if you know in yourself, something is just not right with you!!


Eventually a worried friend took me straight to a Hospital where they diagnosed Double Pneumonia, It was probably just Pneumonia originally, but because I was left a long time without medication when seriously ill, despite calling out doc twice, while I was having bed sweats (soaking the bed linen through & through & I was too weak in end to keep changing them) plus I was having hallucinations, vomiting what looked like orange wallpaper paste & I wont even go into what was going on at the other end!!... it had probably then progressed to Double Pneumonia, fighting it all that time without medication had pretty much depleted my red & white soldier cells, so it took me 18months to gain some strength & get my lungs back to normal, which meant no singing in My Band Evil Barbie & The Ken-Dolls for me for quite some time.

The Evil Barbie & The Ken-Dolls Band was formed of a Group of friends, from an assortment of other bands so while I spent 18months unable to sing, they were busy with their own projects & have done really well, which is why I am now auditioning musicians for new Ken-Dolls, the final selection will be Filmed by Sky1 doing their final Auditions in The Pineapple Dance Studio's for the NEW Show "Showbiz" (anyone interested in auditioning, I will post details soon) Gay Ken-Dolls would be FAB but not essential!... Being a serious musician while not taking one's self not too seriously is though!!


While still weak from my bout of Pneumonia, and working as a Bar/Nightclub Manager, I developed a tumour in an ovary (prob due to immune system still being low due to red & white cells not being fully replenished yet) So I had to go into hospital to have a biopsy & have it removed, luckily it was benign, but while I was at home recovering the owners sold the Bar/Nightclub & it was shut down for 2+ years while it was redeveloped. So I went from having two jobs to none.


So while I sent out 100's of CV's looking for work, I spent a lot of time in the gym building up my strength & getting super toned!!! until one day in May 2008 I got a pain in my back while watching The Eurovision Song Contest (NO True Fag Hag In Her Right Mind Would Miss That CAMP FEST!!) & I went to the bathroom & vomited up what seemed like a bucket's worth of wallpaper paste textured, sticky mucus!!.... the pain then spread down my back & then I felt I had an invisible iron maiden like, metal corset around my ribs, waist & chest, crushing me tighter & tighter until I couldn't breathe or talk & called 999 & whispered for an ambulance thinking I was dying!!.... then came the real pain (I have never experienced pain like it & I'm strong, they say its 9 times worse than child birth, but I wouldn't know about that!!) & the ambulance crew found me rolled on the floor rocking, letting out blood curdling screams of a wild animal caught in a snare.

It turned out I had Gallstones & I had to wait 9months before I got my operation to remove my Gallbladder & the Stones within, during which time I had several agonising attacks, which caused me to have to call out an ambulance on several occasions, during which time one ambulance crew of 3 (1 girl & 2 guys) robbed me, stealing my favourite pair of £200 Kurt Gieger Evening Shoes, among other things. I remember thinking at the time "I wish those bloody two would stop wandering round my flat & peeping in on me every now & again, while this guys filling in my medical form, before taking me to hospital & either stay in here, or sod off to the ambulance". Only later did I discover why they were wandering around, but of course I have no proof!! So much for the caring profession, robbing someone blind, while they're writhing in agony!!

Free Surgical Stockings with every Op!!!

Get this natty matching wrist band too, while stocks last!!

Eventually in November 2008 I had my operation, I felt human again & things were on the up, I was back in the Gym & feeling great, Seeing the New Year in as a new woman, then in the summer I went to my Gay BFF Nat's Birthday & stayed over the weekend & I laughed so much over those few days & thought "I have had one of the best weeks of my life", as I traveled back to St Albans on the evening of May 10th 2009 & thought I can't wait to phone mum tomorrow & tell her about my weekend (as it was around 9.30-10pm & she's normally in bed)


BUT 3hrs Later I was in a Speeding Police Car going to the QE2 hospital Wellin Garden City, after a call from police to say my mum had collapsed & had come round long enough to call 999, but they had to break in as she was drifting in & out of consciousness, 8hrs went by with them trying to work out what was wrong with her, & I will NEVER forget my mums sad face as she looked up a me & said "I'm dying June I know I am!!" I assured her she was strong & would be fine, while inside I was screaming "WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY TAKING SO LONG & WHY CAN'T THEY FIND OUT WHATS WRONG!!??" eventually after a scan, they found she had an aneurysm in her groin & was bleeding internally, they operated for 4hrs & she had 3 heart attacks on the operating table, but still kept fighting, but every time they tried to sew her tissues up to stop the hemorrhaging, they just tore like trying to sew wet tissue paper & in the end she was left to bleed to death, as there was nothing they could do they said. I felt so helpless It broke my heart.

So I went from the best week of my life to the worst day of my life, losing my mum broke my heart, she was my best friend as well as my my mum & I could tell her anything. She had been the life and soul of a family party only days earlier & was looking forward to her 80th birthday in a few months time. Some people say well she was almost 80 she had a good innings but they never knew my mum, she may have been 79 but looked decades younger as you can see above & had the vitality of a 50yr old, I pass doddery old pensioners shuffling along & think sometimes how can you be still be going on, when my full of life mum isn't??


So the last year I have not been myself , I had no energy for the gym, ate convenience food as I lost my interest In cooking & mostly hid myself away from the world & gained 2st in the process. Its been a year now & I have started back at the Gym to shift that 2st & I have started to get some spurts of energy back. I knew if my mums spirit could see me, she would be so sad to see me so down & not my usual jokey outrageous self, so I thought "FUCK IT!! I'm gonna live life to the full get back to my Acting again,  as Retail has seemed to have gone tits up, thanks to Blair & Brown fucking up Great Britain!! (don't get me started on that either!!) I think mum has been listening & helping though, as since I made that decision Its been one TV/Film project after another...... but that I will save for my next Blog, as right now I have a CAMP donkey to add the finishing touches to!! ....TTFN