I thought I'd share my Eulogy to my mum, for friends & family that couldn't be at Mums Funeral .........
11 days ago, on the 11th of May 2009 at 12.05am, I filled in "The 5 Things That Terrify Me" on The Social Network Facebook. Among the 5 were, spiders & heights & number 5 was "to die alone & unloved" I never included my biggest fear, as putting it in writing would of meant it was possible & that was to horrific to imagine. Yet 3hrs later I was in the back of a speeding Police Car looming towards the QE2 Hospital, with my biggest fear now a possibility, 18 painful hours after that, my biggest fear became a reality & my beloved mother died.My only consolation is that, unlike my 5th fear, my mother was not alone & she was much loved & always will be.
It is amazing how some one so small in stature, can leave such a huge unfillable void, now that she has gone. Mum wasn't just my mum, she was my best friend, the centre of my universe, in fact my whole world. There was nothing I was unable to tell my mum, despite the generation gap & the world we know changing massively since her youth. She was never bigoted or closed-minded, quick to praise, but never to criticise. Always complementing your good points & never pointing out your faults, the way the rest of the world just loves to do. In fact you would think she was blind to them!! But that's just because she loved us all unconditionally & when you love unconditionally, you love the whole package, the bad as much as the good!!
Mum knew things about my life that even my best friends & siblings don't know & was always supportive & understanding, when life was tough on me (As it often was) I could always pop round, or call her on the phone & chat about things, knowing we'd end up in hysterics over something, at some point, then those tough times would seem more bearable, the chinks in my armour would be resealed & I'd be fit for battle again!
Over the years, some of my close friends have told me that I am the strongest woman they know, but that's only because they didn't know my mum well enough, as she truly was the strongest, most courageous, woman I have ever known, not in a Loud, Brash, Showy, way (That's more akin to me) but in a quiet, subtle, loving, selfless way.
If I am strong, it is because not only did I have an excellent roll model in mum, but I was also blessed with a double backbone, propping me up through life's trials! My average spine, plus a 4ft 10" one fused to the 1st, with love, making it twice as strong.
Mini Mum & I In Her Garden
Mum left a letter to her daughter-in-law & son-in-law, plus a letter for Julie, Bill & I, in our letter she told us how she had imagined, while carrying us, how we would be & fantasised how we would turn out, and that we had surpassed her expectations & made her very happy & how she hoped she had been as good a mum to us, as we had been children to her.
Mum & Much Loved Son-in-law Erdal
The fact is, if I could of hand picked my mother before being born, I could not of chosen a better mother than her, I told her this, in this years mothers day card, and she seemed delighted. Which makes me really pleased, that this year, I chose a sentimental card, instead of the usual, jokey type, that I usually send each year.
My 1st Xmas With Mum (Aged 6 Months)
I am also glad that I spent each one of my 44yrs with mum at Christmas & saw in 43 New Years with her (Even though we laughed about, what a Sado Billy No Mates, that made me look on paper!!) future Christmases & New years will seem quiet without her! Mum has always been there for me, during the best & the worst of times, making the best even more joyous & full of laughter & the worst bearable.
Mum & I, Her Last Chrstmas Dec 2008
(She Had Heels On, Bless Lol)
It seems odd that I planned to tell her all this on her 80th birthday in August, which would have been, in normal mum fashion, all about us & not all about her, as it should be. But instead, I am saying this to all of you, because fate robbed her of her special day, as well as robbing us all of a very special lady.
I recall one day at mums, when she was on one of her dieting fits (in-between doughnuts) getting her to listen to my new Paul McKenna 'I Can Make You Thin' CD, while relaxing during her daily siesta, at one point in the CD it gets you to visualise someone who really loves you, standing in front of you & imagining stepping out of your body & into the body of the person who loves you, and looking at yourself through their eyes. At this point I always visualized mum, so later that day I asked her who she had visualised??
When she said she visualised her mum Ethel, I felt hurt, then disappointed that it wasn't me, at 1st wondering if she knew how much I loved her? But moments later I smiled & felt really happy, because I suddenly realised, her mum had shown her as much love, as mum had shown us & I was so happy that she knew how good that felt herself & no matter what life had thrown at us, we were lucky enough to know how that feels, as was anyone who was fortunate enough to be loved by mum. Which makes saying goodbye all the more painful, so it wont be goodbye just adieu, as mum will be with us in our hearts & thoughts our entire lives how ever long or short that may be.
Mum always told me that she wanted me to go to Egypt; with whatever money, she left to me, when she died. As she knew how into Egyptology I am. Sadly present situations mean that, any money will be going to paying off accrued debts, but if there is any left, I promise to put it aside & add to it, so one day I will fulfil that wish. I am just sad that when I get back I won't be able to sit in her kitchen & tell her of my Egyptian adventure, the way I normally use to do, with my past escapades.
Mum & Dad
When I do go to Egypt, if I can I will bury a little trinket of hers in the sand, as close to the Pyramids as I can, because that is the spot known for its priceless treasures & mum was a priceless treasure to all who loved her.
I'm nothing special, I don't claim to know it all, but there is one thing I am certain of, on May 11th 2009 Heaven received a tiny new angel & Heaven has been more organised & more full of laughter from that moment on.
Mum With Julie & I
God Bless you mum, you will be missed more than you will ever know we love you dearly.
You was an Angel on Earth & now you have your Wings!!.......
Angelic Mum Aged 5yrs