Who Is The Evil Barbie? Designer/Singer/Actress/Illustrator???

Well where do I start? Well I was born, in June, 1964, in London & I was my Fathers, Fathers Day, Present. I have 4 Brothers (One younger) and 2 Sisters. I have never met 2 of my oldest siblings (My Half Brother Brian & my Half Sister Gay) whose last known address, was in Glasgow, Scotland. But I have been trying to trace them, for years!! As a young child, I lived, in SW1, in Eaton Place, Belgravia, until my younger brother, William (Bill) was born, when I was 3. Then my parents, decided to move out of London, to the country, because they thought it would be a better life for my brother & I. Up until my parent's move, from London, my parents had various jobs. My mother, had been a retail assistant, before becoming a seamstress & also a part time housekeeper, to the gentry, before becoming a housewife. My father, had been a air steward, on BOAC, the Maitre 'D at the Savoy, as an ex cavalry man, in WWII, he later became, one of the queen's, Life Guards (The horse guard, with long boots, metal breastplate & plumed metal helmet, that often ride, behind the queen's carriage) & then had his own, interior, decorating business (He had a contract with Buckingham Palace, for the kitchens & staff quarters)  

But before our move, from Belgravia, I was Christened, at St Peter's, Eaton Square, Belgravia, when I was a year old. I was dressed, in a white, embroidered dress, with my mum, looking very 60's chic in black, my dad in a taupe suit & white shirt.
St Peter's

My parents told me, at that time, I had an "Imaginary friend" called Gregory & that I was most convincing, that someone was there!! I often sat, in in-depth conversations with him, when only 2yrs old. I was told, that I got most distraught, if while on a double decker bus, in Chelsea/Kings Rd, someone sat, where I said he was. I'd squeal "They're sitting on Gregory!!!" & they'd in turn, would jump up, thinking they were squashing a pet, sibling, or doll, but nothing was there. 

In hindsight, with all the ghost & other weird ESP experiences, that I have had while growing up & as an adult, since, I now wonder, if Gregory, was in fact, not an "imaginary friend" but a ghost!? After all, Gregory is quite a complex name, for a 1-2yr old to come up with, why not John? or Sam? or Andy? or an easy girls name?

So we moved, into a lovely, Buckingham, cottage, on Lord & Lady Campbell's, Dairy, Estate, in North Dean, Buckinghamshire, where I went to, Speen Junior School. The only kids, I still recall from then are, Lucy & Iona Campbell, Sarah Pedal, Philippa Shaw & Russell Pinder. I also vividly recall, swimming lessons, outdoors, in winter, in the freezing cold. In an unheated, small, outdoor pool, often in the rain, sometimes during thunder & lightning!! Brrrrrr where was health & safety back then, when I needed them???? 

Later I went on to a school, in High Wycombe Bucks (Before we moved again, because Lord & Lady Campbell, were planning to sell up & move to an Estate, in Norfolk, they wanted my parents to come with them, but they wanted to remain, near family, in the South of England) We moved when I was about 8-9yrs old (I heard later, that when Lord & Lady Campbell, decided to sell their house & move on to Norfolk. That Paedophile, Pop Star, Gary Glitter, put a bid in for it & the farm!) He didn't get it!

With My Baby, Trampas, In North Dean

As it turned out, we ended up, moving North anyway, onto Farnsfield, Stud Farm, in Nottingham, which bred Arab, Race Horses, where my father (An ex Cavalryman) worked for Lord & Lady Linney (Who were barking mad!!) As did my mother. My father was the Chauffeur, Butler & Maintenance man, my mother was the cook & housekeeper. I went to St Johns, Church of England, School, in Lacey Green, Nottingham. I don't really recall any names, from my school friends, there, as we didn't stay there long, at best 12-18 months. We moved from there, when I was about 10 - 11yrs old (As my parents could no longer, tolerate, or abide, the extremely bizarre, erratic, behaviour, of their employers, any more!!) I might write about them, one day, in another blog, they were well weird!! (Beyond eccentric!!)

 St Johns School

So my next home, was Gatehouse South, in Warninglid, West Sussex. On the Estate, of yet another Lord & Lady, Lord & Lady Hayward. Lord Jack Hayward, is known as "Union Jack Hayward" Due to his patriotism (He flies a Union Jack flag, outside the front of his estate, which was in front, of our old gate house, my dad use to raise the flag each day) He also owns most of the Bahamas & it was he who introduced, the classic red phone boxes there, shipping some over there, once they were decommissioned here!! He also owns Wolves FC (Who my best friend, Candie's nephew, now plays for) Jacks son Jonathan Hayward (Who was my 1st ever kiss, under the mistletoe!!) was managing Wolves, but after a run in with his father, over the books, it now seems his other, older son Rick Hayward, is now managing Wolves. Lord Jack, was also embroiled, in the Jeremy Thorpe skandal, re the death of a spy... but thats another story (& not mine!)

 My House, Over The Bridge, Behind Red Car
 My House, As Seen From The Street, In Warninglid
You Can See, The Flagpole, To Left Of Picture!

I went to school, at Warden Park Cuckfield, where as well as being bullied, beaten up & bog washed, and my face & nose, smashed on the edge of my desk (I still have a bump on nose & a off centre septum due to it, which is a constant reminder of my living hell, when it shows up in pictures) One day, when I can afford it I'll get some rhinoplasty & rid the last traces, of me ever being bullied. I still recall some of the girls, I hung with, like Avril Payne, Anne Sayers, Philippa Mitchell, Wendy Russell & also some of the boys, Dean Elton, Robin Philpot, David Stoffel & Simon Crafter (all of whom, I had a schoolgirl crush on!!) Funnily enough, I'm now back in touch, with Avril, Anne, David & Simon. Even going for a drink, with Simon this year.

 Warden Park School

When I left school, I did a Art Pre Degree, at Horsham College Of Art & Design, before going on to get my degree, in Fashion Design & The History Of Fashion, at Worthing. Where I recall my good friend Sandra Scott, who was dating Singer 'Gary Numan' & another friend, who's name I forget, who was dating the singer 'Nick Hayward' from 'Haircut 100' while we were at college.

Meanwhile I was a single, goodie goodie, virgin (until I was 24) My college thrills, were as tame as, giving 'Duran Duran' a portrait of them, that I did, on the back of a big charcoal & chalk, portrait of a Tiger, done for their "7 and the Ragged Tiger Tour" Plus being pulled out of the crowd & kissed, by 'Adam Ant' at an 'Adam & The Ants' concert in Brighton. 

Duran Duran
Adam Ant

My 1st job (while sending off CVs, to fashion houses) was working & living, in a really rough, Brighton pub, on the Lewis road, opposite the army barracks, called The Ship. It was full of dodgy characters, where there were often fights, broken windows & snooker cues, as well as light bulbs stolen (from the loo's) daily. I bought a cat & called him Captain (Captain of The Ship)

I helped run it, along with my two gay friends, Ken & Martin. We turned it around 180deg & soon it was a peaceful, fun place, to drink. But when it became a safe pub, the owners, then decided they would take it back over & run it themselves (Saying that, we could still stay on, as pub bar staff.... Thanks!!!) Insulted we left, and moved into a house together, in Hove with a 3rd gay guy, Nigel. I went on to work, at another pub, Dr Brighton's. Once we'd left The Ship, in Lewis road, it soon became, a hell hole again, with fights & smashed windows & the scared, owners who'd taken it back over, ended up selling it!

The Brighton Pavilion & Dr Brightons

That's when I got 1st a job in the Jaeger factory in Burgess Hill & then my 1st design job, in London & so I had to move out of the Hove house, with the boys & go back to live with my parents, who were now retired, after dad had, had, several strokes & were now living, in Wiversfield West Sussex. I commuted daily from Wiversfield to London, to work for a leather wear company, called  'Mortone Vogue' we designed Mens/Womens/Kids leather wear & made the patterns. Leather manufacture company's, then bought the designs & the patterns, in a range of sizes, to make up, in their factory's themselves & sell as their own designs, with their own label in. We were asked to design, some Mad Max based designs, by a design company, that was going to make jackets for Duran Duran's, 'Wild Boys' video once. 

Between the two of us, we produced loads of jacket designs, I don't know how many of ours were used!? It was hard to see the detailing, from the video & they could of added extra embellishments. I was Commuting from Sussex, to London, every day, on the Brighton line. With my travel fare & the amount I had to give my parents, towards, food, bills & board docked from my wages, I was left with only about £5 a week wages. So I was working, and travelling, long hours, for just £5 a week, at the end of it. So eventually, I moved, to Forest Hill, in South London, as despite still paying out for rent, travel & food, I still had more wages left over, for myself at the end of the week 

While working there, I was headhunted, by one of 'Mortone Vogue's' clients & as the wages offered, were over double what I was earning (After I did some clever bartering!) So I jumped at the chance. I worked there for a few years, before being headhunted (yet again!!) by the fashion company Jungle (Again doubling my money, due to my negotiations, to lure me away!!) God I loved the 80's, you could name your worth & be paid it. I spent 5 or more, very happy years, designing, for 'Jungle' As well as doing illustrations, for their fashion catalogues, designing their shopping bags, their business cards, designing & painting the logo, on the company vans, painting the outside of the factory, in leopard spots, with tigers climbing up the walls. Painting shop fronts, in London & Paris, designing the boutique's interiors & changing rooms applique curtains, as well as designing & painting, wooden tiger heads, for the walls outside of the bosses office. I also was involved in, designing fabric prints & doing the make-up, and styling, on fashion shoots, for their glossy Catalogues. Every day was different, and exciting, I'd be so keen to be at work, I'd get there 30-60mins early & you had to practically force me, out the door, at the end of the day! There's not many jobs, you can say that about!!

 Raja & I

It was through Jungle, that I got to work with both Lions & Tigers (Such as Raja above) & I was never bored. Sadly due to the recession, in the late 80's, early 90's (Plus, the company's sleeping partner, sensing a recession coming & pulling out his half the of the money, to put into hotels) Jungle struggled & I went, from full time, to part time, to try to help the company, survive the storm. But eventually, it went under, which was such a shame, or else I'd of had a job, I loved, for life, once they were back on their feet. 

 Freelance Design Sketches
 Childrens Knitwear Designs

Meanwhile, while looking for, possible full time employment, I worked freelance as a designer, while working part time for Jungle. but design work was getting less & less, as it was now the world of the Computer (Which didn't exist, when I was at school. And it had only just begun, to come into the graphics department, at art college, as I was leaving) Everything was now CAD & with me having to pay out for rent, food & bills etc. I could not afford, to take the lengthy, computer course, needed, before then taking, a long, advanced, CAD computer course, to keep up! 

By now, I had moved from Forest Hill, South London, to Palmers Green, North London (Where loads of odd ghost ESP etc things happened to me, which I have written down, and added to other experiences, to put into a book I'm writing) At that time, I'd taken 1/3rd of my stuff, from South London, home. But my Greek, spinster, landlady, Lisa Krekis, had taken my keys, before I'd got the rest & was not letting me back in, to get the rest of my property! Which included, a lot of books, a load of expensive, designer, clothes & handbags, sentimental soft toys from my childhood, plus an exercise bike. But most important to me, of all, left behind was a big leather portfolio, of all my Art coursework, that I'd done, over the many years at art college. Including photos of my collections, at my final fashion show & a tiger portrait, I was particularly proud of! This was due to her claiming, that I owed her a huge phone bill, to Australia!!!..... WTF!!!?? The phone had a lock on it, for one, and second the other lodger was Australian!!!!... Do the math woman!!!... But of course she fancied him & was bitterly jealous of me, as the bitter, spinsters, dates, always flirted with me! It wasn't my fault, I never flirted with them, they were not my type at all & I was still a virgin (Maybe the perves sense that??) In the end I use to hide in my room, until she & her latest date departed!! 

I moved into a room, in the house in Palmers Green, with a Turkish landlord & I never got my stuff back, from Lisa Krekis & from then on I was much more wise, rights wise, with my future landlords after that! I did get a lawyer involved, and Lisa eventually agreed to let me back in, to retrieve my property. But while I was sorting out, someone with transport, to help me move it to my new home, my mum banged her head, and shattered her retina's & went blind (Thankfully it was temporally!!) Then my dad, had an angina heart attack, and was rushed into hospital, for a 4, heart bypass surgery. Then mum got septicemia, in her finger from a cut, when breaking up turkey bones, to make soup stock, that went to streptococci, and was going gangrenous & she then caught MRS, in the hospital & had to have her right index finger amputated, or lose her arm. So my time, was spent, stressed to the max, rushing between two hospitals, for months & months, not knowing if either parent would survive. In the end, with all the upheaval, I lost my phone contact details for Lisa Krekis & had no time, or energy, to chase them up, or travel to Forest Hill, to see her, in between hospital runs, so in the end, I never got stuff back ..... 

I often wonder, if she kept any of it, in her garage or sold any of it & if she still lives there? Later, I eventually moved into my 1st, flat, on my own, in Bounds Green, North London. My Parents, during this time, moved from West Sussex, to St Albans, Hertfordshire. 

St Albans

While looking for work, in the fashion industry, I worked part time at a cocktail bar, called 'Marilyn's' a shrine to Marilyn Monroe. I was offered the job, as Mario, the Greek owner, had a bit of a thing for me (It wasn't mutual) & thought I was like Marilyn Monroe (I was in my 20's with the peroxide blonde, short hair thing, going on) Alas Mario had B.O, no concept of personal space & the tendency to spray you with spit, when he spoke to you! Around this time I met the love of my life & Mario was really jealous of him, and tried to tear us apart, so in the end I had to leave. Sadly years later, a motor bike accident, achieved what Mario had failed to do & my heart was broken. 

Plus at this time, I also use to hang out with my Greek, Gorri Girl, posse, in The Winners Club Southgate (Landlady from hell, Lisa Krekis, had not put me off Greeks, which was just as well, as I was living near Green Lanes!) I continued to do private design & dressmaking jobs. Then while out one night, out in a club, I ran into a girl, called Candie Simpkin, who was also out on her own. We clicked immediately & have been best friends, ever since! For a few years, we more or less, ruled the West End!! Our faces & names, were known at every top club, bar & venue, in London. We never paid to get in anywhere & we had a fair few, celeb boyfriends, between us (But unlucky for you, I don't kiss & tell!!)

Candie was originally from Torquay & was now living in Cadugan Place, in Knightsbridge. Sometimes I stayed at hers, in Knightsbridge, other times, she stayed with me, In North London, in Bounds Green. But wherever we were, Wednesday, was FD day!! We'd decided that Wednesday, was the most boring day, of the week! So we decided, we would do, whatever we were doing, together, in Fancy Dress (Luckily, we were working freelance, or at home, at the time so we could fit it round our lifestyle) So no matter if we were going to the cinema, for a drink, the theatre, clubbing or out to dinner, we would do it, going out in matching fancy dress. Such as French maids, bunny girls, hula dancers, belly dancers, Martini waitresses on roller skates, etc etc. 

Once we were wandering, around Leicester Square, dressed as bunny girls, in homemade outfits by me (I like the accuracy, that you don't get, from bought/hire fancy dress) When a group of Japanese tourists, came up saying "Photo Photo!!" 

So for a joke, we said "£5 a photo" they all paid up, to our surprise & so we had a night on the town, Sans the tourists!! During this time, I worked part time, in 'The Tally Ho' & 'Vultures Perch' pubs in Kentish Town. As well as doing a lot of  modeling & TV/Film Acting work. During this time, my dad, sadly died, of Lung Cancer (An evil disease, that has killed off 85% of my family, on both my parents sides) All four of my Grandparents died of cancer, two of them before I was born, one just months after I was born & my Grandmother, the only grandparent I knew, when I was 7yrs. At that time, I was dating the landlord, Kym. But it turned out, he cheated on me, with a 19yr old, new mother, barmaid Orla. This began, while I was at my dying dad's bedside, on the day he died & they also had sex, while I was at his funeral, all alone!! 

So he cheated on me, as I buried my father, rather than be there, supporting me at it! So that was him dumped & time for me to move on, from that job!.. (That was the LAST time I dated an older man!!) But I sent him a Valentines card, the following year though, with my own, penned verse....

Roses are Red 
Violets are Blue
My Lifes much Improved
Since I stopped Shagging YOU

Sunflowers are Big
Daisy's are Smaller
I'm out having FUN
& You're stuck with Orla

Candie ended up Managing a 'Ronit Zilka' Boutique, in posh Knightsbridge & I ended up working in 'Ivory Shoes' in posh Bond Street. I then I moved on & worked as a Manager of 'Please Mum' in their Bond St & Knightsbridge boutiques, with the 'Sultan of Brunei' as one of my regular customers. A few years later we both ended up working in Dickens & Jones, in Regent Street. I was the 'Versace' Manager & Candie the 'Chanel' Manager. Much fun was had, that's when I got introduced to, my Gay Best Friend Forever (GBFF) Nat Di Maggio, who was the Manager of 'Kurt Geiger' & a friend of Candies. 

Later, I met his partner Terry. During this time, I had an South African, agency boy, called Bryden, work for me. We told life stories & jokes, during quiet spells (Customer wise) Suddenly he said "It's funny you look like Barbie, but you have the dry, sarcastic wit, of a man!!.....*Gasp* your Evil Barbie!!!"..... And Evil Barbie was born!! (But she was yet to meet... her Ken-Dolls)

The hilarious adventures Candie, Nat, Terry & I have had together since meeting, have been vast & varied, including the unforgettable trip to France, with Richard & Jason, for a £1, with The Daily Mirror. Which is the stuff of legends. It would make a hilarious sitcom (But nobody would believe, that so many things, could really happen, to a group of people, in just a 24hr period) But it did... I must write a blog on it, one day!! 

Also while working for Versace, I met the lovely, Matthew Gonthier. The Manager of 'Aramis' who looked like, a much better looking, Robbie Williams, he was more or less, my gay husband. As everyone thought we were a couple, when we were out, so we called each other Will & Grace! A short while later Candie met, fell in love & married, Greek entrepreneur, business man, Costa & became, Mrs Constantino, having two sons Xavier & Tiger.

During this time, the owner of the house, that I'd rented a flat in, for over 10yrs, in Bounds Green, decided to sell it. So I was now looking for a home again! Having amassed a lot of furniture, over the years, while living in my unfurnished flat. I was having trouble, finding a unfurnished flat, in North London, that wasn't the size of a rabbit hutch!! So in the end, I temporarily moved into a flat, in Tottenham, for about 12-18 months, while looking elsewhere for something much nicer. While there I painted the lounge dark blue, to hide the dark ugly mould, that was coming through, on the yellow painted walls. I rubbed down the peeled paint, on the windowsills, and painted them with white gloss, so it looked better, as I lay in bed, at night, being lulled to sleep, by screams & gunfire. While I said in my head "Handgun, automatic, mugging, riffle, rape, revolver!" it wasn't exactly, a happy time!

I got very ill, while living there, I could taste a rubber like taste & kept going to Doctor, who couldn't find out what was wrong? He treated me like I was an annoying hypochondriac. I even went dizzy once & collapsed, and I had to, call out an ambulance. Then one day, the central heating failed, so a gas engineer came out. He was both horrified, and amazed, that I was still alive!! He said the that the gas boilers flue, was clogged, about 8" plus, deep, with leaves. He shook his head, and said, that it obviously hadn't been serviced, for a minimum of at least 25yrs (Despite the shocking fact, my dodgy landlord owned a gas business!) and so all of the toxic fumes, had been blowing, straight back, into my flat. I'd been breathing in, pure Carbon Monoxide, all the time I'd lived there. 

He said I was lucky, that I'd kept some windows open, in the flat, for fresh air when I was feeling ill, as it probably saved my life! My very caring landlord (I seem to attract them!!) let me off a whole month's rent, for that!! (He was lucky, that I didn't sue his arse, for a year of ill health, and living in a home, that was a danger to my life!!) Yet when I moved, out of the flat, to my present maisonette in St Albans. The bloody bastard, tried to falsely claim, on his insurance, that I'd stolen his furniture, when I moved out (What soddin furniture? it was unfurnished!!) After nearly killing me, he was now trying, to get me prosecuted, for his own financial gain!!! What an utter C**t!!

Luckily, after my past experience, with Miss Lisa Krekis, I'd taken pictures of my furniture in my Bounds Green flat, when I moved in & when I moved out. Plus pictures of my Tottenham flat, before I moved in, with its mouldy walls & paint peeling off of window frames, etc. And of my Tottenham flat, after I'd decorated & put furniture in. Plus I kept every single receipt, for any additional furniture, bought while I was there. Thanks to this lying arsehole, the Tottenham police, called me in for questioning, like I was some criminal!! Luckily for me, and my forethought, I had my photos of my furniture, when it was in my old Bounds Green flat, prior to Tottenham, then of it in the Tottenham flat & now again, in my St Albans flat. So I sat being questioned in Tottenham police station, by two policemen, like some criminal lowlife! 

I showed them all my receipts, for any items accrued since I moved in! Which was funny, as my Irish scumbag, of an ex landlord, had got the 2 illegal Somalis, working in his Internet shop (Below my flat) To write, that they witnessed me, stealing, the bed, wardrobes & chest of draws, from my Tottenham flat, when I moved out!! (Obviously, he had threatened to expose them, as illegals, if they didn't) Which made it all the more amusing, for me, when I then showed the police, that they were, the very same Somalian men, that had signed those delivery receipts, of the bed, wardrobes & chests of draws, that I had, that they'd claimed I'd stolen. When in fact they had been delivered to my flat, while I was out at work, at Versace!! So they signed for them, and kept them, at the back of their shop, for me!!!.... EAT ME BIATCH!!!!.....

It didn't take long, for the police, to realise, he was trying to pull, an insurance scam!! Out of curiosity, I asked, if he was claiming for kitchen goods? (The only thing there, when I moved in, was the sink, with a cupboard underneath, plus an ancient gas cooker, that looked so rickety, that I was scared to use it & so relied on my microwave, during my time there) He said "yes! A fridge, a freezer, microwave & state of the art cooker costing £800!!" I pulled out a pic of the kitchen & pointed to the 1940's-50's cooker & said "If he paid £800 for that, I think he has been done don't you??!!" They both looked at my photo, then burst out laughing!! I said I hoped they would, now be prosecuting him, for wasting police time & attempted insurance fraud! Lucky I kept all that evidence though, or I could of been in deep trouble, with no proof & my word against his!!

I'd found my new, St Albans, flat when visiting my mum, with my boyfriend of the time Walter (Who also lived there!) I'd met him, at the birthday party, of an ex boyfriend of mine, who also lived in St Albans, who I'm still friends with. My new BF was my ex's, best friends, brother. He convinced me to move to St Albans, but I was worried about, the commuting costs, to my job in London, on top of my rent. But Walt said, he needed to move out, from his mums soon (I should have hoped so, he was 34!!) So we could live together & that would halve the rent costs, so then the commuting fare costs, wouldn't be such an issue. But 18 months later he was still living with his mum & I was struggling with £3,500 a year travel, on top of my rent, council tax, bills, plus grocery's etc paid for, just by myself, out of a wage straining to pay all of it!! 

So for numerous reasons, including those, and the fact that 18 months on I'd never seen him naked, let alone got further than 1st base, I eventually dumped Walt (Probably just as well, as 8-9yrs later, he is still living with his mum!!) I made a load of new friends in the area, quickly after dumping Walt (Walter by name & wet as Water) including Julia, Julie, Sarah, Nicky & I stopped commuting to London. Because I left my old job, when they wouldn't honour my pay rise, which was agreed years before, if I turned the business around (Which I'd done, massively, long, long ago) & it had never materialised, which I now, really needed, to be able to continue, commuting to work & be able to pay my bills. So I left them, to take a Boutique Management Job, in St Albans. 

 Out With The Girls!!!

Alas though, at the time, I was unaware of, just how often shops in St Albans changed & kept closing down!! I now know, that shop rents & rates here, are as high as (& sometimes even more than) those of central London's. But with a fraction of the customer footfall, so only the 'Big Boys' can pay the St Albans, rates & rents & stay afloat! Such as Tesco, WH Smiths, M&S etc! You know somethings not right, when not only Woolworth's closes down, in the High Street, but also McDonalds & Burger King too!!

So to stay employed, I worked as a boutique manager, for another company by day & a late night bar/club manager at night (Meaning that, if that shop closed down, I still had a night job, to fall back on, until I found my next day job) Why bother with a day job, if I had a night one? You ask! Well I enjoyed the day job, more than the night one. I'd rather be drinking & dancing in the nightclub, than working there, watching everyone else have fun, while I worked my tits off. So thanks to Walt leaving me to meet the rent alone, I needed the security, of a steady income. 

During my days off (Or rather, time without a day job, as I was working 7 days a week somewhere ) I'd be jamming with my band Evil Barbie & The Ken-Dolls. But working both a day & night job obviously took its toll. I got run down & on my return from a holiday, in Turkey, I developed Pneumonia. Despite me, calling out a doctor & saying that's what I thought I had, to the doctor, he ignored me & gave me a useless prescription, for an inhaler, to treat asthma, which a friend got for me, a I was too ill to leave my bed. This was despite the fact, I'd said I felt it was pneumonia, NOT asthma & that there was no history, of asthma, in the family. I think the Tottenham doc, has put in my medical notes, something along the lines, that I was a hypochondriac, when I went to him for a year, complaining of illness. When he'd found nothing wrong, when I in fact, I was suffering from, carbon monoxide poisoning. As since I saw him, GPs rarely listen to my concerns & yet in the end, I'm always proved right! 

Then when I got worse & he was called out again, and I was then given medication, for a chest infection! By that time, I was so bad, I was Hallucinating, having shaking fits, vomiting, diarrhea & sweating so bad, that my bedding was being changed, 6 times or more a day. A worried friend, shocked by my decline, took me to hospital, where I was diagnosed with Double Pneumonia (Due to being left, so long, untreated, for my original Pneumonia!!) I was told 24 more hours without treatment I would of been dead. I'd not let my mum know how ill I was as I didn't want to worry her, I just said to keep away as I had the flu bad & didn't want her getting it. When I was well enough to get out of bed, I was walking up my road to go to a hospital check-up, when my mum was walking towards me, to post some magazines for me, through my door. I said "Hi Mum" as she walked towards me & she gave me a dirty look, as she neared me, she burst into tears, and said "Oh my god, you look so awful, I never recognised you, I thought, who the hell is that calling me mum?" and I had to tell her the truth, of how ill I'd been, and she felt guilty, for not being there. Which of course was silly as I'd kept it from her.

It took 18 months for my lungs & I to recover, during which time The Ken-Dolls were off doing stuff, with their various other bands (We were formed from a group, of varied friends, from different bands, and this set of Ken Dolls, was also different, to the original when 1st formed, years earlier) So that's why now, I am auditioning for some NEW Ken-Dolls. 

I got shingles, as I recovered from Pneumonia, which is apparently common (Bloody painful it is too!!) I passed the time while too ill to work, doing Astrological/Numerology charts for my friends & family (Approx 25 pages a chart) As I hate to do nothing & also spent it making felt, character dolls of them (I'm now having trouble, finding somewhere, that sells, flesh colored felt, on the roll) These days, most places do it, just in small, individual A4 size pieces. The dolls are very accurate, down to scars, birthmarks & piercings tattoo's etc. They are very popular among my friends & each awaits, wondering when they will get one, for Xmas or their Birthday!! 

My Dolls Of Me & My Pals, That I Went To Turkey With 
(I'm In Yellow Bikini)
In Our Holiday Swimwear
In Our Fave Holiday Attire

Eventually I was up & about, as I was tired of laying in bed, on my own, like a vegetable, with no company, except my mums visits (As one friend wrongly thought, you could catch pneumonia, even though I explained, by text, you can only develop it, so was frightened of catching it & passing it on to her poorly dad, which was impossible) & most of the others live in London. I was up at least, although my lungs & body were still weak, due to having almost no white & red cells, after fighting pneumonia, for so long unmedicated, and so I now had, the nonexistent immune system, of an Aids sufferer, so I was taking steroids & I started working again. Not long after though, I got a BAD pain, in my abdomen, that got worse & worse, like I was being stabbed in my left hand side! The doctors fobbed me off with, period pains etc. No doubt thinking I was being a hypochondriac, yet again. 

But I insisted on a ultra sound. When I finally got one, they actually discovered, that I had a tumour, in an ovary, that I had to be operated on. It turned out that my body, having a lack of red & white cells to attack the tumour, it instead produced a mass of calcium, encasing it within a wall of calcium, to stop it growing and spreading (Hardcore!!) & it was rather like a hard cuttle fish & it was that, digging in me, when I moved, which was, what was, causing the pain! They removed it & did a biopsy & fortunately for me it was benign. So after a weeks bedrest, I was back at work. My Ex Kieron, from years ago, who's Birthday party, I'd met Walter at, surprised me, after my op, by being at my hospital bedside, along with my mum, when I woke! I guess Kieron was more concerned, than he (normally) lets on, despite us still being good friends!

Things were then seemingly going fine, once that was removed, but then I had an incident, while watching Eurovision with my friend Adam (Vomiting up a huge load, of wallpaper paste like, vomit, all of a sudden, for no apparent reason, when I popped down, to the bathroom) Then I was suddenly struck down, one night, in agony & I called an ambulance, as I was in such excruciating pain, that I thought I was actually dying!! This happened quite a few times, with many a call out, before they eventually discovered, that I had Gallstones (Which was what had caused the vomiting on Eurovision night!!) no doubt, created from excess calcium, in the body, when my body was fighting my tumour with a calcium wall. 

I was put on a waiting list, to have my Gallbladder and Gallstones removed (Which took 9 months of waiting, in agony, unlike a certain MP at the time!!) During which time, I was working, but in a lot of pain & doubled up, in excruciating pain, whenever an attack suddenly came on! Then one day while off work ill, after a bad attack, the day job closed down, and shortly after the club was sold off & closed down, so I was in agony & had lost both of my jobs........ Great!!.... NOT!! 

To cheer me up, my friend Phil, flew me over to Dubai, to stay with him at his flat, to recoup in the sunshine, for 2 weeks (Remarkably I didn't have a single attack while there!!) But the day after I got back, at the start of July 2008, as I started to unpack my case, the start of a BIG attack, began, I knew the warning signs, I placed my fave, KG, designer sandals, back on the top of my suitcase, then I staggered down the stairs, with great difficulty, to unlock my front door, somehow I managed to get back upstairs, before the attack got full grip, sat up on my bed, in the brace position, with my knees as close to chest as possible, as taught, in hospital & I called the ambulance & spoke to the operator, with great difficulty, due to my extreme pain. 

Luckily for me, the ambulance arrived quickly, entering my flat, via my door I'd left open, and I was happy to hear their footsteps on my stairs. BUT.... NOT so luckily, for me, instead of them putting me, straight into the ambulance, immediately & filling in the paperwork, in the back enroute. The senior ambulance crew member, insisted on us doing it all, as I writhed, in indescribable agony, on my bed. Which was taking up, valuable time, when instead, I could be enroute, to hospital & on a morphine drip sooner! Meanwhile, I could hear his colleagues, wandering about, in the other rooms of my flat, as he continued to ask me, questions on the form, which I was struggling to answer, due to the pain, winding me. 

Every now & then, either the girl, or male colleague, in their 20's popped their head, round the bedroom door, I wanted to say "Fuck off, wandering round my flat & wait in the ambulance, so we can set off asap, as soon as this form is filled in!!" but I was in so much pain, I could hardly answer the guy with the form, who I guessed was in his 50's. Eventually we set off & I was taken to the QE2 hospital, Welwyn, where a nurse who resembled Idi Amin, and had the same bedside manner, stabbed an intravenous drip, of morphine in my arm, with the force of a javelin thrower. I said it was hurting my arm, but I was ignored, and in the end, I decided the arm pain, was worth it, for the morphine to take away my abdominal pain! When it was time to discharge me, they could not get the intravenous drip, out of my arm, after it being rammed in with such force, it was so fascinating I had 6 medics round my bed, discussing how to dislodge it, while I was saying "I told you, it was hurting!!"  They were discussing, cutting the vein, to get it out (Great!!) when with a final wiggle, out it popped! The needle, was bent in an "L" shape, from the brute force, of it being rammed, into my arm vein, hence why it was hard to remove. Now I was stranded, in my nighty, at 7am & with no purse, or mobile, only my door keys. I was left to it, by the QE2, to get home, by myself. So I had the humiliation, of sitting, in a mixed sex, reception, in my flimsy nightie, with no dressing gown!! After calling a cab, from their free, taxi, phone, I headed home. No lift from the hospital, from an ambulance, going my way, for me. 

I got the taxi, to my home & asked him to wait, while I popped indoors, to get my money (I should also mention, that the mini cab driver, was the first & last cab driver, I have ever seen, with only ONE Arm!! I didn't exactly feel that safe, as his driving was somewhat erratic & his English limited) it was then, that I found my purse, was empty of money, except for a few pound coins. When I'd had £40 in notes, in it & the cab was £25. I then looked down, at my case & saw that my fave £299, KG, jewelled sandals, I'd placed on top of my suitcase, when the attack started, were also gone. So thats what, the two, younger ambulance crew, members were doing, wandering round my flat, I felt uneasy about it at the time, but was in so much pain, I just wanted, to get to hospital asap. Those two heartless, bastards, were robbing me, as the older one was delaying me, when they were supposed to be there, to help me. It really is a wonder, that I don't have, worse trust issues, than I actually do!! I had to borrow £25, from the shop downstairs & payed them back later on, that day. I didn't bother reporting the ambulance crew, as it was my word, against theirs, and I had no proof!! But I know they did it, I knew something was up at the time. Now back in England, I started looking for work again & signed on while I did so, to get by. No luck, but probably just as well, as I was so, so ill, with Gallstones. 

Englander In Dubai

Eventually I got my operation & just 15mins after coming round from it, I was laughing & joking with mum & the Nurses, posing for silly photos, in my surgical stockings (Below) knowing I didn't have to be in fear, of such excruciating pain, ever again!! I felt elated and already much better, just for knowing that! They had said I would need to stay in hospital, for 2 days, after the operation, as it was a big 6 hour operation, but the doc's were so amazed, by my post op recovery, they agreed to let me go home (I didn't want to hold up a hospital bed, that someone else in need, could be using) So I was in a cab home, with my mum 30-40 mins after coming out of surgery, while the women who'd gone down for the same op, hours before me, were laying in their hospital beds like floppy, rag dolls & groaning like zombies! 

 Free Surgical Stockings with Every Operation!!

For the 1st time in years, I felt great, and although my job search was still not fruitful, the 6 months after that op, were the best times I could recall for years. Culminating at my friend, Nats, Birthday Party, which I couldn't wait to tell my mum about, the next day. As I'd exclaimed that evening "This feels like the best day of my life!!"

Nat's Birthday, Not A Bog Standard Birthday!!

But that was never to happen!! At 4am the next morning, I was phoned at home, by the police. They had broken into my mums home, as she had collapsed & called an ambulance. She had been slipping in & out of consciousness, while talking to phone operator. I was rushed to the hospital, in a police car, while calling my sister Julie, from my mobile, to let her know & I arrived at The QE2 Hospital, Welwyn, 5mins before mums ambulance did. Mum's blood pressure was very low (Normally it was a bit high) The doctors didn't know what was wrong. She was wrapped in a heated foil blanket in A&E as she was so cold, I will never forget her scared, sweet little face, looking sadly up at me saying "I'm dying June, I know I am!!" 

She kept drifting in & out of consciousness & I paced the A&E by her bedside, stressed way beyond anything, I'd felt before. Wondering how, I could of gone from a brilliant night, which I said felt like, the best day of my life, to now the worst day of my life? I felt like, a big clawed hand, had forced it's way into my chest, and was squeezing my heart & ripping it from my body! 7hrs of umming & arrrring plus some urine & blood testing later, after eventually agreeing to do a scan. They finally discovered, that mum had an aneurysm in her groin. They operated for 2hrs, but she had now been bleeding internally for 7hrs & the veins & tubes, they were trying to sew back up, were turning into mush!! They said it was like, trying to sew tissue paper, the thread just ripped through the mush, unable to put it back together & they said they had to give up! 

We got to sit, in the ward, with our unconscious mum, for about 15-20mins, as she slowly bled, internally to death. A huge part of me died with her that night, as she lay there so small & helpless, it totally broke my heart. I quietly made an excuse to my sister & her husband, that I was going to the loo & locked myself in a toilet & repeatedly, punched the wall, screaming "Why, why why???"


I knew that day would come, one day, but I hoped that when it did, I'd be in a relationship & I'd have the added strength, of somebody I loved & who loved me, to lean on. My sister Julie, had her husband Erdal & son Chris. My brother Bill, had his wife Karen & 3 kids. But I had nobody! I had my friends, Candie, Nicky & Nat, but its not the same, as having somebody you love & have a strong, emotional, bond with, and who loves you, hold you!!! It was only three months before her 80th Birthday too & she was so looking forward, to treating us all, to a special meal, at St Michaels Manor, St Albans!! She was fit & well & bright as a button, if she had to be taken in 2009, why couldn't it be, after her special day?? 

 St Michaels Manor 

While I was doing something productive, like clearing mums home for the council, or arranging her clothes, for her to be buried in & the funeral. I was OK!! As I had something to focus on, other than her loss, to distract me & some sense of being in control of something. When that was over, exhausted, I lost the plot, & broke down completely!!... 

I was still weak from the effects of Pneumonia, a tumour & gallstones & I had nothing now, to distract me, nothing, not even a job, to stop that day replaying over & over & over in my head. I was angry at myself! Why, why, why didn't I insist she was taken to Hemel, not the QE2? As the QE2 A&E was awful, to me when I was rushed in with Gallstones!! But Hemel A&E was great, to me when I was rushed in there!! I kept wondering, what if, I'd gone to see mum, after Nats, Birthday night, instead of going straight home, and telling myself, I'd pop round tomorrow. Would I of been there when it happened & get the ambulance to her quicker!!? And of insisted on Hemel NOT the QE2? I was racked with guilt!! 

I kept seeing her sweet, scared, face, telling me, that she knew, that she was dying! The shock was immense, because she wasn't ill, she had been the life & soul, of a family party the day before!! When dad died of cancer, it was so awful, but we knew he was ill, so could prepare ourselves for it, and in the end, it was an end to his suffering, BUT this was such a shock!!.... 

The rug was totally ripped from under my feet, I went from a fit, slim, joyous & care free, gym bunny, to an angry, moody, snappy, withdrawn, down, weeping, mess, devoid of energy & I gained 2-3st! Which before, I'd of easily lost again, but at the moment, I am still struggling with losing it!! Inside, I badly want to get back in the gym, to shift it, to be the old me before all the illness & pain of loss, but I feel so constantly drained & constantly ill, with chest infections, due to it still being weak, from pneumonia. Plus back & neck problems (Due to being in 7 car crashes, prior to all this, 3 on the day Lady Di, died in a car crash, and I don't even drive) so with all that, I couldn't muster the strength or enthusiasm. I also wonder if, no longer having a gallbladder, to produce bile, to break down food, works against me, losing weight now? Also being left with no immune system, after pneumonia, had brought on the menopause early, this was not helping my weight gain & the steroid medication, was also adding weight, without me even over eating!! Life seemed so unfair! Then when I was still hurting & exactly 6 months to the day, on 11th November 2009, my beloved cat Amy, got ill suddenly, and died in my arms, before I could even take her to the vet, the next morning!! 


I decided that in 2010, this downer must change, plus along with losing the weight, I intend to gain some Ken-Dolls!! I'd tried for several job interviews, a few months after mum died. But to be honest, at the time, I was in no fit state to work, then as I improved, the frustration of being turned down, or not even responded to, for retail jobs, that I could do standing on my head, infuriated me, giving me some of, if not all of, my fire back!!... 

Then I suddenly thought "life is too short to keep being knocked back for mundane jobs! Why not try acting etc again?" As in the past I'd got so many offers of TV/Film acting work, but due to my full time work, I couldn't do them all, so why not try again? While I don't have the full time work? What the hell if at 46yrs!! & I'm somewhat long in the tooth? I don't aspire to be some superstar celebrity, I'd hate the intrusion, anyway. But just to have a job, that pays enough to pay the bills, and keeps a roof over my head & stops me, being homeless, out on the street, and that is also fun & never boring or samey samey!! 

Just as I thought that way, I got contacted re doing Louie Spence's Showbusiness, which will be on Sky1 (Which I don't get) in January 2011, which was unpaid, but a shoe in! So either it will act as a stepping stone, to getting some paid work, or depending on how it's cut, I could end up looking a fool! But better to have a go & look a fool, than to wonder what if? A life lived in fear, of what others think, is a life half lived!! That was back in the days I was bullied at school & not now!!

 Louie Spence's Showbusiness Gang

So, this is where I am now, at the brink of the year 2011, at a crossroads (Without Benny & Miss Diane) Wondering which direction life will go in? But after 4yrs, of one misfortune, after another, the worst that could of happen, already has!! So no matter what, things have to get better, as they can't really get any worse!! Surely it must be time, for Evil Barbie, to emerge from the ashes like a phoenix & have some time, in the glow of good fortune, NO??.... A lottery win would be nice!! Just enough to be able to buy a home outright & have some security, something I've never had, I left home at 16 and worked to make my way through art college. Then I have worked and paid steep, private rent ever since. 30 years on a council house, waiting list & I'm no nearer the top & 30 years, of paying high rent, to private landlords, has meant, I've never had enough wages, left over, to save up for a mortgage, for some security, even when, working myself into the ground, working 2-3 jobs at a time. So a lottery/premium bond win, big enough to buy my own, reasonable sized home, outright, would be my dream fantasy!!

What happens next?.....

Guess only Time will tell!!!........