Friday, 29 October 2010

Evil Barbie's Weekly Critique Of The Xfactor 2010

As I watch The Xfactor each week I thought I'd be a 5th Evil Barbie Judge & give my weekly views, which I will update weekly for any Xfactor fans interested, your welcome to join in & add your views I don't expect everyone to agree with me!!

Saturday 9th Oct, Got home & caught up with Xfactor, apparently there are two ejections tomorrow, well after watching tonight's show I know for sure who definitely should be straight out the door!!....... The Bloody Xfactor Stylist, the outfits were diabolical, the only people who looked good were the judges, there was only one acceptable item in all the contestants dire outfits & that was Katie's Blade Runner esque Perspex multi coloured hat/head piece!! which handily hid those pixie like jug ears of hers. Also The Wild Card Secret twist has to be the worst kept secret ever!! Simon is obviously lowering the budget this year as there are no top artists giving celebrity masterclasses for each theme, each week.

This Weeks Personal Critique Of The 16 Xfactor Finalists

Matt Cardle- Oh God No Not that same soddin hat again!! doesn't even go with the lame, dull outfit, good strong vocal though!... but he looks like he should be emptying my bins in that fucking hat!

FYD- Bad, Bad, Bad Styling! But acceptable Vocals, good song choice!

John Adeleye- Boring Clothes & A Boring Song, I don't know how its one of Cheryl's all time favourite songs? I don't even recognise it!! his vocal didn't impress me either!! Yawn!!

Rebecca Ferguson- Still nervous didn't belt out the song like it needed, and that she is capable of, didn't like the arrangement of the song either, she's still lacking in confidence & the stylist dressed her much too old for her age of 23yrs, at 46yrs I'd find it a bit frumpy, it was like an attempted stab at sophistication on the cheap!

Paije Richardson- God Damn Awful Styling, He is far too fat to have trousers below his pants at the back, the trousers fitted awful at front, fuck knows what that Miami Vice Reject, Fabric Print, Bomber Jacket was? & don't get me started on the Yellow canvas trainers/plimsolls WTF his feet looked huge!!! Singing was so so but the outfit distracted you from his singing anyway & NOT in a good way!!!!

Cher Lloyd- Vocal wavered & nowhere near her 1st audition standard, either that or they are not getting the same sound from the studio sent down the TV lines to the viewers!!... she worked the stage, but outfit was diabolical, the harem pant like trousers made her bottom half look totally out of proportion with her top half, was it a shit attempt to hide how skinny she is?, or a piss poor homage to the awful split harem trousers Cheryl wore for "Fight For This Love" video? Her head looked like a Thunderbird Puppet's head too, bad hair & make-up.

Diva Fever- Fun Camp, Rainbow Lycra outfits were bad, but in a good, fun, camp, way, very entertaining, surprisingly good vocals too but only one was really singing the other was rarely heard & their in the groups!. Plus being a Fag Hag I was bound to like them!!

Katie Waissel- Nice Make-up, interesting fun Perspex Hat/Head Gear, a bit Blade Runner, but from the neck down the outfit was absolutely atrocious!!! Weak Vocals, song was too big for her, the suspended hanging keyboards & crouching men below were very, Very Naff!!

Storm- I didn't mind the quirky sparkly eye make up mask, or his fire red hair, but the clothes were goddamn awful!!  The vocals were not bad, but backing track seemed to be coming over louder than his vocals at times, I don't know if it was different in studio & this was a TV technical hitch when being broadcast to viewers at home?

Belle Amie - Very average & God Awful styling, Camel jumpsuit fitted terribly & crotch hung down unattractively, black floral jumpsuit was unflattering baggy too, the other two outfits were boring, what you'd wear on a trip to the shops, they also chose wrong girl to do the lead vocals, they should of chosen girl who's black bra was showing a tad through the fabric of her boring beige shirt! as she had a stronger voice.

Mary Byrne- Showed all the others how a number should be belted out! A stellar performance, scrubbed up quite well, but stylist dressed her head to toe in black, the stylist is obviously so bad they believe the Black is slimming rule is law! she looked a tad funeral-ish

Treyc Cohen - Good Vocal again, like Mary she belted out the song the way a song should be sung, Blue dress a bit short & a bit clingy for such a big booty, but good colour & the multiple chain ribbon necklace like applique at the front looked a bit of a cheap Primark version of a catwalk look, but forgivable compared to other styling atrocity's to the rest of the contestants!

Nicolo Festa- Quirky, but Vocals not the best, song too big for him, Boring styling, plus naff red sunglasses, only added just because Lady Gaga wore sunglasses in her Video of "Lets Dance" only hers were funky & not naff red ones!! which only goes to show how Unimaginative The Xfactor Stylist actually is .....YAWN!!!!!

One Direction- Not bad, acceptable vocals, safe, styling looked OK from the waist up, but went awry from the waist down, but bearable unlike other outfits.

Aiden Grimshaw- Good Vocals & his face told the story of the song well, shirt OK even don't mind the neck not being tied, but hated it only tucked into the front of trousers, trouser shape was awful almost harem, but slung low, making not only both of his legs look deformed, but also his body looked  too long & his legs too short which is not attractive & won't win him any girly votes in the looks stakes, although he looks gay if you ask me anyway!

Wagner Carrilho- A Car crash performance, but amusing & again styling was awful, they could of used a white or grey band to tie his hair back with the black one looked like a beetle had camped at the back of his head!!!

So to sum things up: Only Mary, Tracy, Aiden, Diva Fever & Matt's talent stood out, Wagner to go & maybe Katie, Paije, Nicolo or Rebecca, possibly even John, but the person who should be going is the god awful stylist!!!! SIMON SORT IT OUT PRONTO!!!! They should be put against the wall & shot for crimes of fashion!! Also did the make-up artist have a job lot of red lipstick they wanted to shift? as well as judge Dannii Nearly all the girl contestants have been coated in it on Sat night (whether they suited it or not) on the stage tonight & on nearly all the female contestants in their moody opening show shots!! I know Red lippy is in this season but that's overkill!!....... obviously an unimaginative make-up artist too!! or a deal with cosmetic company to promote a shade of red lipstick!!

The Xfactor Results Show I settled down to the Xfactor Results, to see which two go out!! Cute little Joe McElderry was on the show singing, bless him. He really didn't need to publicly "come out" we all knew, probably before he did even lol. Surprisingly enough people voted for Wagner for him not to be evicted, Nicolo was out (he can thank the stylist & the bad song choice for that!!) the next two lowest scoring acts were Katie & FYD, I thought Katie would be in bottom 3, she sung weakly & apart from her Perspex hat her outfit was Dire, I thought Paije, John & Wagner were worse than FYD though. It was no surprise that out of the two the Judges saved Katie (she has a more quirky saleability factor than FYD)


Sunday 17th October, watched the Xfactor repeat as we missed most of it yesterday when out again, Dannii managed to make the Victoria Beckham dress I'm not keen on look good, where as Cheryls black jump suit with big bow on chest sucked!!as did her tatty side plait.  I'm sure the sound must be better in the studio than it is on screen as many of the acts voices were drowned out by the backing music, but this weeks critique goes as follows:- 

This Weeks Personal Critique Of The 14 Xfactor Finalists

Mat Cardle :- Nailed it, like a better Bono, glad to see the soddin hat gone

Rebecca Ferguson :- Not keen on dress & hated black/purple lipstick, decent vocal, but didn't wow me

Mary Byrne :- Again the lacking imagination stylists dressed her head to toe in black, and the hairstyle was too severe for a large face! but like last week she belted out the song the way it should be done, excellent!

How The Severe Hairstyles Make Lovely Mary Look!!
John Adeleye :- Bland Styling & Another Bland Performance, yet again I didn't recognise the song! didn't move me at all!!

Paije Richardson :- OK performance, didn't set the world on fire, yet another hideous outfit from the stylists

Treyc Cohen :- Great Voice, OK outfit

Aiden Grimshaw :- Shaky and all over the place, disappointing after such a great performance last week, also face was contorted like he had the squits & there was no loo near by!!, styling was an improvement though.

One Direction :- Great performance, great vocals, styling improved on last week!!

Katie Waissel :- Did nothing for me, vocals didn't come across well, but better than last weeks vocal, not keen on outfit either! at least last weeks perspex hat hid her sticky out elf ears!!

Belle Amie :- Loved the 60's make-up but the outfits were a mish mash & (apart from the pink one) not attractive or flattering & their singing left me cold!

Diva Fever :- A Boney M remix  (that's 2 boney M records in a row now) good fun performance, but again only one of them was doing most of the singing

Cher Lloyd :- Good stage presence & swagger, but singing left me cold & hated the trousers, which made it look like she had a thick Brazilian pubes down the front of her trouser crotch!!

Storm Lee :- Fair performance, but dire styling again, that hat looked well too small for his head & it didn't suit him, the song, or the outfit!

Wagner:- A Fun, Comic, performance, but no recording star!

The Xfactor Results Show Diva Fever & Storm went out. I have to say I found Katy Perry & Diana Vickers performances disappointing, the backing music came over louder than their vocals, which was probably just as well as the singing I could hear from Katy was BAD!! and although I'm not keen on Diana's new song anyway, at least you can make out the words on the record/video version, she mumbled her way through her Xactor performance, if you'd never heard the song before you would have  no idea what she was mumbling on about! 


Saturday 23rd October, Watched the repeat of tonight's Xfactor at 1.30am as I'd been out Dannii Minogue looked absolutely stunning, don't like Cheryl's hair colour, my 1st thoughts were "Bloody hell is Cheryl getting a backhander for every one of her girls that has her horrible red Loreal hair colour!" 3 out of her 4 girls had it!!!

This Weeks Personal Critique Of The 12 Xfactor Finalists

Matt Cardle :- Nailed it again, excellent rendition of Brittney's number one song, glad to see hat still gone, good styling, who knew until now that Matt had such big guns??

Rebecca Ferguson :- Excellent Vocals, but wardrobe & stylist yet again showed their lack of Originality, She sang Peggy Lee's "Why Don't You Do It Right" which Jessica Rabbit sang when Bob Hoskins 1st sees her in "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" & they style her hair the same as Jessica Rabbits in the film & dye it the same red, then put her in a long clingy red dress, not unlike the one Jessica Rabbit wore (minus the split & sparkles) the stylist lacks any original creativity!!!

Mary Byrne :- Again the lacking imagination stylists dressed her head to toe in black, and the hairstyle was still too severe for a large face! but like last week she belted out the song the way it should be done, excellent! but it would of been good to see her tackle something more modern, in her own style the way Matt did

John Adeleye :- Better than before but nothing special, but at least I was able to recognise the song, god awful styling & vile, laughable, hair style, Louie kept asking do you like the new hair? as if it was good! surely Louie didn't think that mess was cool, if Wagner doesn't go, John is in danger of going!

Paije Richardson :- OK performance, didn't set the world on fire, yet another hideous outfit from the stylists, looked like a Butlins Redcoat on a dress down Friday

Treyc Cohen :- Quite liked the outfit, but more of that bloody awful Cheryl Cole red hair, plus I don't know if it was down to her sore throat, but that song did not show of her singing talent as she seemed to be shouting it rather than singing it!! she may also be in danger of being in bottom two with Wagner

Aiden Grimshaw :- Shaky still and wasn't doing it for me again this week, styling was an improvement though.

One Direction :- Good performance, but spoilt by the dark haired one (who looks he may be Asian) as his whiny backing harmony's when it was just the two of them singing, was off putting,  but great vocals from the lead singer of the group, and when they all sang, styling OK!!

Katie Waissel :- Much better than last weeks vocal, also her best outfit so far! But about time somebody sorted those 2" deep roots (don't tell me it's fashion) & covered her ears with her hair though.

Belle Amie :- The styling was much improved  and looked more coordinated, but their singing left me indifferent!!

Cher Lloyd :- Good stage presence & swagger, her best singing performance thus far, although at times the lyrics were not clear, the clothes were not great, but believable as what she would wear, the hair wild & again dyed that horrible Cheryl Cole shade of red

Wagner:- Not even a Fun, Comic, performance, a Car wreck of a performance for the 2nd time Louie chooses a Ricki Martin tune, just because Louie bundles Puerto Rican & Brazilian in same camp Camp!!,  lazy choice that didn't work, Wagner should go based on that performance!

The Xtra Factor, seeing the stylist on the expert panel I now know why they mostly look awful, after she is finished with them, going by the dated look she was rocking I'm guessing she's from Essex. It is a Halloween theme next week what's the betting unimaginative Louie will choose "Monster Mash" medley for Wagner (who he still can't pronounce) and "Bat Out Of Hell" for Mary!!? 

The Xfactor Results Show I watched the Xfactor results, liked both Cheryl & Dannii's dresses, Dannii's more than Cheryl's but didn't like the boots Cheryl wore with hers, it didn't go well together. Micheal Buble was OK on Xfactor, Cheryl's performance was meant to be live, but I say pre recorded & autotuned, I can't say I'm a fan of her new song, but not as dire as 3 words (which the 3 words should be - this is shite!) but I have no idea what she was singing about, because most of the lyrics were unclear, also the stripey tights she wore with the sheer top part, for her stage outfit, did the seemingly impossible & made her thighs look chunky & the knickers or whatever was showing black behind the bottom of her jacket made her bum look big, sack the stylist again. I always prefer Dannii's clothes choices to Cheryl's, yet Cheryl has a bigger budget & a team of stylists (who she should sack!!) I was surprised Wagner wasn't out this week, but I wasn't surprised with Wagner left in, that the bottom two were John & Trayc, I had predicted in the wee hrs they may be in danger & be in a sing off with Wagner, the right one left when Simon sealed the fate of boring John.


Saturday 30th October, Had to watch the show at 2.10am (3.10am if you didn't put your clock back) on repeat on ITV2+1 as I had been out at a Halloween Party dressed as a Burlesque Vampire Witch!! Disappointed in Dannii's and Cheryl's outfits not very Halloween & Simon & Louie could of had a more Count Dracula looking shirt & Jacket

This Weeks Personal Critique Of The 11 Xfactor Finalists

Matt Cardle :- Good voice, but his least successful performance so far, not a good song choice, the fact it has blood in the title hardly makes it a Halloween song, stylists boring again!

Rebecca Ferguson :- Her performance left me cold this, week not sure why, styling apt for theme, though not sure having wicked in the title, made Chris Issak's song theme appropriate (seemed like yet another theme cop-out!!)

Mary Byrne :- Yet again the lacking imagination stylists dressed her head to toe in black, and severe hair with horns this time, good voice but feel again the Take That song reflected Halloween, just having Magic in the title does not make it a Halloween song, the hair yet again made her look like (below)

Paije Richardson :- His best performance, thus far but still didn't set the world on fire, again having black in the title does not make Back To Black a Halloween Song (Strictly Come Dancing were better at choosing their Halloween music) Styling much improved though, even if a bit old for his age.

Treyc Cohen :- Good Vocals Take That Song yet again not exactly Halloween, but more so than others on the night, unlike the hooded red dress & black lipstick outfit was a lame Halloween attempt, plus the lipstick was unflattering, either do a totally scary unattractive Halloween look or don't, The lipstick was off putting.

Aiden Grimshaw :- He still wasn't doing it for me again this week, he managed to make a fun lively song like Thriller droneing & boring, very Emo, styling was OK

One Direction :- Good performance, good song choice, good vocals, Naf Styling

Katie Waissel :- Fare vocals, fun and apt for theme song, kooky spooky make-up was fun & wild wig hid those roots & ears nicely!!

Belle Amie :- The styling was much improved  and looked more coordinated, and apt for theme as was song, better vocals than before but still not outstanding!!

Cher Lloyd :- Good to see her not rapp for a change, her best singing performance thus far, song was perfect for theme! As was styling for once.

Wagner:- Well I wasn't far off with my Halloween song predictions, with predictable Louie, he did choose Bat Out Of Hell, Just for Wagner not Mary as I guessed, also a mish mash of 2 songs as always for Wagner, can't he remember one song all the way through? Odd Styling like a Circus Ringmaster with one eye bleeding red sequins, and surely backing dancers should of been Bat's not Skeletons!!.... Think he & Aiden are in trouble this week 

The Xtra Factor, Again the bloody stylist looked awful, also amazed gawky Singing Coach Savan can get them to sing, as he appears to have trouble, talking coherently on camera. BUT I pissed myself laughing when The "Supposed" Stylist took Mary out clothes shopping, to make her feel more current & up to date!!! and ended up with a BLACK jumper, with a dated red outlined Ziggy Stardust flash across the front, frumpy, shapeless, dated & BLACK yet again!!, that stylist hasn't a clue!!..... That was NOT, CURRENT & UP TO DATE!! I'd not wear it a its too frumpy & I'm 4 years younger than Mary & neither would my teenager niece's, nor my niece's in their 20's & 30's It's the kind of thing Waynetta Slob would wear after a win at the bingo, or someone who buys those Wolf fleece jackets on QVC would wear!!

Xfactor's Stylist's Idea Of Current & Up To Date
For Mary (but in BLACK!!)

The Xfactor Results Show, not wowed by the female judges outfits, Dannii's made her top half look broad, Cheryl's clashed with her hair, Bon Jovie did a great set with minimal help from the finalists, I had almost forgotten how cute John Bonjovi was with short hair!! Jamiriqui was also excellent, Rhianna's voice was good, and she looked pretty in spite of the horrid red hair, though not one of her better songs, not a single I'd buy. Surprised Aiden wasn't in bottom, not surprised Belle Amie are, Surprised Katie was as hers was Kooky but good, Belle Amie were out by the 1st three opening lines of their sing off song!, Katie was better than the girls, yet for a sing off song it was, not as good a performance as she was on last two weeks songs!!... Louie chickened out of voting for Belle Amie & opted for Katie instead, making it go to deadlock but Belle Amie were still goners!!!.....


Saturday 6th Nov, I got home from london in time to watch the Xfactor..... I had to Twitter people to find out what this weeks song theme was & found out it was American Anthems, well from the choices tonight that really was not apparent!! For once I Don't like Dannii's dress tonight the colour was too washed out for her & she looked like a badly wrapped Xmas present  (even though Gok Wan was raving about it on Twitter) nor Cheryl's look, which made her look like she was off to a pikey wedding, with the stupid cheap looking fassinator!!

This Weeks Personal Critique Of The 10 Xfactor Finalists

Matt Cardle :- Good Voice, but not his best ever performance, bloody awful styling though!! That Air force Blue Mandarin collar shirt & Mustard strides should NEVER be seen together again!!! looked like some nerdy electronics shop floor worker!!

Rebecca Ferguson :- Her Vocals are good, not keen on her eye make-up, dress OK, she didn't set my world on fire though!

Mary Byrne :- Yet again the severe hair, but they have swapped the black clothing uniform they give her, for purple, BAD song choice, her worst vocal in show thus far. Didn't like it, was in wrong key for her,made her look like a bad singer!! She could be in trouble!!

Paije Richardson :- F**k me the stylist's have styled him as The Nutty Professor tonight!!! Fun but not "Crazy" about it!! No Pun intended!!

Treyc Cohen :- Good Make-up, Nice clothes & hair (for someone 20yrs older than Treyc) Good Vocals but not amazing!!

Aiden Grimshaw :- He is back to a song that suits him, good performance despite a few odd facial expressions, looking handsome from chest up, styling from waist down still bad!!

One Direction :- Good God its the Glee kids minus the non cheerleader girls, Cheesy performance, not their best performance, stylist was channeling High School Musical!

Cher Lloyd :- Good make-up & hair, the prettiest she has ever looked so far, eyebrows so much better, good vocal, but not crazy about it! Surprisingly a tad Karaoke

Katie Waissel :- Oh Dear Cheryl, each week the judges (especially Louie) Compare Katie to Gwen Steffani & so this week, you choose No Doubt's "Don't Speak" so a predictable choice & a BIG FAT FAIL!! she doesn't have a strong enough voice to project that song!! Katie is in trouble again this week!! FACT!!.... on the plus point, the only styling I liked 100% and the wig hid those ears & roots again!!

Wagner:- Well what a surprise 2 songs cut and shunted together again, can't he remember the lyrics of one song all the way through?, bad, the 1st half worse than the last half, my friend Jake was bang on the money, when he said that Wagner looked more like Evil Kenevil after the crash, than Elvis, in that Rhinestone Jumpsuitgs cut and shunted together again, can't he remember the lyrics of one song all the way through?, bad, the 1st half worse than the last half, my friend Jake was bang on the money, when he said that Wagner looked more like Evil Kenevil after the crash, than Elvis, in that Rhinestone Jumpsuit, he should be out tomorrow night, but whether he will be is yet to be seen!! Simon made me laugh pretending he quite liked it in a double bluff attempt to make the Wagner voters think their block voting isn't bothering him lol

The Xtra Factor, the show this week was pretty boring, BUT I found out two things, 1. that vocal coach Savan's face can continue to get stranger!! & 2. That Katies 1st successful outfit was due to her completely ignoring Xfactors SHIT stylist Grace & doing her own thing!! (Well done Katie!! I take my multi coloured perspex hat off to you!!) That in mind seeing that Cher Lloyd is musing over sounding more Street by becoming Cher-L, how about Stylist Grace doing the same she could become Dis-Grace, as that aptly describes most of her styling attempts & whic in turn means that most weeks I'm left with no choice other than to Diss Grace!!....

The Xfactor Results Show, I Had a odd dream, lastnight that I was with Xfactors Katie Waissel & a black girl and we were being part of a 3 part girl group with a black girl I couldn't recognise from my dream, Katie was done up in a cross between her Halloween outfit & last nights Xfactor rock chick look, I was in Evil Barbie mode with big 18" blonde Beehive, the black girl had long hair & looked edgy & funky too!!! I was helping Katie make a Collage like poster as we killed time while camera's were being set up for either a photo shoot or pop video!.... wondered if that meant Katie & a black girl would be in the bottom two tonight? or in the top two in the finals? The Results show opened at 8pm & Dannii looked stunning in her figure hugging black dress, Cheryl cute in her beige number, Simon his usual self, but Louie looked stupid in his bow tie, the look just doesn't suit him, after the work done to make him look more youthfull that look ages him!!!

The joint contestant song started Pinks "Rock Star" the girls looked Ok but yet again the stylista gave Mary severe hair that made her look even more like the picture below, the picture below !!!

 Xfactors Mary Byrne
How The Xfactors Stylists Make Mary Look!!!

Xfactor Stop with the pulled back piled high hair look for Mary PRONTO!!!!.... It's not flattering & unlike all other female contestants its bloody repetitive, like constantly dressing her in dark colours!! 

Shane Ward was on & was looking a bit gaunt & looking at his styling tonight, I wouldn't be surprised if he is the next ex Xfactor contestant, to take a step out of the closet, oh dear what has happened to him?, I use to find him handsome, not tonight!! Song was also a damp squib, I wont be rushing out to buy it!!

The Other Fab Minogue, Kylie was up next, Kylie looked pretty & cute in her little red mini dress, but for once not blown away by her new song, catchy, the kind of tune to blast out as a girl, when driving along in an open topped car, on a sunny day but more an album track than a single track!!

The break arrived and I felt Katie, Mary or Wagner could be in trouble, when the show came back it was results time!!!..... time to see where the public axe fell!!.... Aiden SAFE, Rebecca SAFE, Matt SAFE, One Direction SAFE, Paije SAFE, Cher SAFE, Wagner (amazingly) SAFE, it's now down to 3 Mary, TreyC & Katie, will the public's love for Mary Save her? or will my prediction of Mary & Katie come true? or like my dream will it be Katie V TreyC (the unknown black girl with long hair <TreyC's hair is down tonight>) Mary SAFE, OMG my dream was prophetic, as it was Katie & TreyC in the final sing off, so singing together, only my presence is missing (though at home watching!!) Katie sang 1st, Singing don't give up on me, not her best vocals quite weak again!! TreyC was next with Unbreak My Heart, a great song, but again her vocals were not at their best tonight, not quite sure who will be saved or maybe it will go to deadlock, then probably Katie will go! Hmmmmmmm?

Cheryl was gutless & refused to vote on either of her two acts so it was down to Louie after Simon Saved Katie & Dannii Saved TreyC & he predictably saved Katie!!!Which I thought was a cop out!! as Cheryl didn't vote it should of gone to deadlock!!!!.....

The Xtra Factor, dull show other than a caller telling Louie he looks like a Young Liberace, Konnie Huq is rather boring to watch tonight! Bland & Beige presenting yawn!! She didn't even get a good interview out of Kylie & that takes some doing!!!


Saturday 13th Nov, This weeks show is Elton Johns Songs, in a no doubt Ass lick Homage to one of their future guests!! Danni looked fresh & pretty in her little Grecian number, didn't like Cheryl's platted fringe hair, dress was so so but made her boobs look flat & small, plus the earrings didn't really go with it!! They were too heavy for her lobes & jiggled distractingly as she spoke. Louie's Just For Men was going strong!!.... aptly!!!

 This Weeks Personal Critique Of The 9 Xfactor Finalists

Matt Cardle :- Great Voice as always, "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road" was an excellent song choice for him, Styling so so, average to bland but OK

Rebecca Ferguson :- Her Vocals were good, "Candle In The Wind" was a good song choice, (expected Louie to steal it for Mary!!)..... Hair & make-up was lovely but horrible frumpy beige dress was too big for her (almost looked like a maternity frock) and the colour did nothing for her, she looked like a cross between a black Jackie O & Michelle Obama, but not in a good way!!! 

Mary Byrne :- FFS!!!!!!!Yet again the severe hair, this time with a big Silver, tacky, cheap looking, fabric star, hair decoration. Every week in her VT she is out & about with her hair down, looking prettier & younger & yet Still they insist on a style that doesn't flatter her, continuing to make her look like picture below, but they have swapped the black clothing uniform they give her, for purple, last week and for chocolate tonight, soooo unimaginative, never a splash of bright colour, which you can tell from the VT's she likes to wear!! Not a good song choice, her 2nd worst vocal in show thus far. Didn't suit her voice she faltered a bit at the start, and improved towards the end!! She would of been much better off with "Candle In The Wind" than with "Can You Feel The Love Tonight" if Cheryl didn't bag the song 1st Louie was mad not to!!

 Note To Xfacor Hair Stylists 
Mary Byrne Is Lovely!!!
STOP Making Her Look Like This!! ^
Paije Richardson :- Last week the stylist styled him as The Nutty Professor, tonight she styled him as The Nutty Professor moonlighting at Butlins, awful far to old for him, he's dressed like his granddad..... Crocodile Rock wasn't really the right key for his voice, OK vocal, but he has no star quality or star presence, nice enough lad but that's it!!

Aiden Grimshaw :- He looked good, the silver jacket kinda suited him & the "Rocket Man" song but the song was too big for him & at times he was flat & off key!!.... far from his best again, but at least he gurned less & managed a smile tonight!!

One Direction :- Safe song choice, Good consistent, in tune vocals, but bland no stage presence, they all looked kind of static, stood atop those large cubes, Styling not good & for once I can't blame Grace the awful stylist, as the boys put their own outfits together, all in all bland & unexciting, I expected more from them!!!

Cher Lloyd :- Good make-up & hair, the prettiest she has ever looked so far, even beating last week, her eyebrows so much better, good vocal, Stylist obviously decided to turn her into a Cheryl clone, hair & make-up totally Cheryl Cole & the same with the clothes & It would not surprise me in the slightest if she was actually wearing Cheryl's clothes, the leggings with sheer cut outs looked a tad big for her, I bet they are Cheryl's as Cher is even skinner than Cheryl! "Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word" was a good song choice

Katie Waissel :- Again her styling looked better this week, so I think it's probably safe to say yet again she ignored Grace the (shite) stylist & did her own thing, good for you Katie!! The Ghetto head scarf did a good job of hiding those ears & dark root's (have you been reading my critique Katie??) The Song "Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting" was to big for Katie's vocal range & she rasped & shouted it, more than sang it, Simon said that although not her strongest vocals, it was the most entertaining performance of the night (no doubt to justify keeping her in last week) really Simon was it really? take away the backing dancers dancing round her it would of been a big fat nothing of a performance!!

 Wagner:- Well what a surprise YET AGAIN!! 2 songs cut and shunted together AS ALWAYS!!!, can't he remember the lyrics of one song all the way through?, Totally out of tune, off key, and flat, as well as timing being off, Halloween he was dressed as a Ring Master, last week as Elvis & tonight as Liberace moonlighting as a Ring Master, cheap & tacky like he'd raided a fancy dress reject box.

The Xtra Factor - In a Word - Boring!!..... The reason ? .......In two words - Konnie Huq , there was one shock though ..... Nichola McKlean!!.......OMFG!!!!! What the hell has happened to her?? she looked dead skinny (positively anorexic) and dead ropey, her once lovely hair has been cut into a kind of bob, and looks dry, yellow & brittle!!! YUCK!!!!.......

The Xfactor Results Show - Danni & Cheryl looked nice, except for Cheryls red hair (mini mouse stylie!!) that doesn't suit her, I thought if Wagner still wrongly survives eviction, the bottom two would be out of, Paije, Aiden & Katie. The contestants mimed their group song poorly, Wagner totally hiding his mouth with the mike, so you could not see that he had know idea what the lyrics he recorded earlier were. I wasn't impressed by JLS (Just Lip Sync) their new single & performance left me indifferent. Westlife were fine & looking good, but Take That's performance was marred by the distraction of Robbie Mad Eyes Williams who's manic eyes & facial expressions, looked like those of someone, who was brain damaged/insane & not like the face of a man who had won his battle with drugs!! The results came through & Aiden & Katie were in the bottom two, Aidens nerves got the best of him & he sung both out of time and flat at times, Katie sang better of the two, so I felt Aiden was out unless it went to deadlock, as Katie had got the least actual public votes for the past 2 weeks, Louie took it to deadlock but to my surprise Katie survived (no doubt by the skin of her teeth!!) I Skimmed through NOTW earlier, apparently Xfactors Matt Cardle is having a fling, with Ropey Xfactor Stylist Grace Woodward, so his taste in women is obviously as bad as her taste in clothes!!.....


Saturday 20th Nov, The Xfactor theme is The Beatles, Dannii looks absolutely stunning, in her chocolate halter-neck Grecian inspired dress, Cheryl looks a chavy mess, in a a chain-mail dress, that looks like aliens have cut crop circles in, Simon has the same uniform look as ever, and Louis has pimped himself up in purple & grey, Dannii's hair looks fab as do her earrings, Cheryl with the larger grooming/styling budget, loses to Danni yet again!

 This Weeks Personal Critique Of The 8 Xfactor Finalists

Matt Cardle :- Great Voice as always, "Come Together" was a good song choice by hands on judge Dannii, nice to get a glimpse of the guns, but but still bloody awful styling from his squeeze Grace!! He looked like he was about to do a bit of his painting & decorating!!

Rebecca Ferguson :- Her Vocals were shaky, on "Yesterday" I think this one of her worst performances, off key at times and a wobbly & nervous performance, lovely make-up & nice hair, but bloody awful red pant suit, looked like a 70's Santa outfit without the black belt & Fur trim. DIRE!!!

Mary Byrne :- Yet again the severe hair, this time with a big hair band (bloody change it for once guys!!) and back in black again, though a bit of pattern with a B&W leopard print waterfall front Cardie, She was back on her vocal form singing "Something In The Way She Moves"

Paije Richardson :- Last week the stylist styled him The Nutty Professor moonlighting at Butlins, tonight a young lounge singer (which is a step in the right direction of sorts) he sang "Let It Be" well, but he still has no stage presence or star quality!! Dressed in Purple like Louie, maybe he hoped to be compared to him this week instead of a young Lenny Henry!!

One Direction :- Pretty much a carbon copy result as last week, a Safe song choice, but so lacking in dynamics I can't even recall which Beatles they sang now 10mins later (think it might of been "Come Together") consistent vocals, but backing was a bit off, by the Asian lad again, bland no stage presence, they all looked kind of static, stood atop those large cubes, used for 2nd week running, in spite of the fact they didn't work last week (sloppy Simon, did you think we wouldn't notice? have you run out of ideas?) Styling again not good & for once I can't blame Grace the awful stylist, as the boys put their own outfits together, much the same as last weeks styling (the school kids allowed to dress themselves for a wedding/funeral look & missing the mark) all in all bland & unexciting, I expected more from them!!!

Cher Lloyd :- Good make-up, Copy of Cheryl's side swept hair do, cute girly dress but more Cheryl's style NOT Cher's she looked out of place in it,Poor song choice, didn't do her voice any favours, a weak, limp, lifeless, performance of "Imagine" which was a John Lennon NOT Beatles hit! all in all, a weak, wobbly, lack lustre disappointing performance by Cher.

 Katie Waissel :- Awful hair colour (are you getting a backhander, every time someone sports that Loreal Red Cheryl?) & awful haircut!!..... she obviously saw Emma Watson (aka Hermione, in Harry Potter) at The Harry Potter Premier she went to last week, and decided to copy her new pixie crop new look!!  (NOTE TO SELF Katie an elfin Pixie crop is NOT a good look when you have Pixie/Elf ears!!!) The 60's Twiggy make-up also did nothing for her & as for that god damn awful Beige & black 60's ish baby doll dress, if your colouring is as insipid as yours Katie & you want a 60's inspired look, at least go psychedelic Pucci !! HELP was an apt an apt song, considering her hair & styling, but the performance was insipid weak & wishy washy & dreary, it will put her in the bottom two tomorrow!!

 Wagner:- Well what a surprise NOT 2 songs cut and shunted together AS ALWAYS!!!, this week we got 3 songs cut & shunted together!! "Get Back" "Hippy Hippy Shakes" & "Hey Jude" I guess he really can't remember the lyrics of one song all the way through?, Totally out of tune, off key, and flat, as well as timing being off, but in spite of that still his best vocal performance in the contest so far!!! on Halloween he was dressed as a Ring Master, the next week as Elvis & last week as Liberace moonlighting as a Ring Master, Tonight it was back to a Circus Ringmaster moonlighting as a concierge.

I have to say tonight's Xfactor has been the most lack luster, bland, disappointing episode since the Xfactor 1st began. I feel very let down, they have definitely cut down the clothing & set budget this year, a lot of it looks very down market & cheap!!

The Xtra Factor - Yet again In a Word - Boring!!..... The reason ? .......In two words - Konnie Huq ,A performance as bland and beige as her & Katies Frocks!! But I did learn that One Direction actually sang "All You Need Is Love" the performance was so unmemorable, I'd of never known without being told.

The Xfactor Results Show, well apparently I hear on twitter today is a double eviction, lets see if that's correct? if so I guess its either Wagner & Katie out or Katie & Paije lets see...... well here we go lets get this party started!! Dannii (the most honest & most hands on judge) looks cute, Louie in another bow tie that he doesn't suit, not sure about Cheryl's dress the camera shots were mostly too distant to tell... hmmmm on a close up sat down shot, of Cheryl the top half of dress is a NO!! Her hair and earrings look very Chavy too!!

Ollie Murs (rhymes with bores?) sang a stinker of a song, which if that's his new single wont break the top 40 if the UK has any taste!! I always thought Ollie had a big future ahead of him ........ BUT As the face of Ginsters Pies!!! Never rated him on Xfactor he is as irritating to watch as Robbie Williams is on stage.

Next the Help For Heroes, fund raising single called Heroes, made by all the Xfactor Finalists, A Great Cause, not such a great arrangement of David Bowies Heroes, with them all dressed in white (standing for peace I hope not the surrender flag!!) they looked like an over sized Daz Doorstep Challenge Ad, but at least Mary got a chance to be out of dark colours for once (even if the white Chiffon shirt didn't go well with the dress that was put under it!) my pal Jake made me laugh when he tweeted......

jake seaford JakeMSeaford When Wagner sings his bit of the song, can we blast that out at the enemy in Afghanistan? That would help. #Xfactor

Couldn't agree more!! Now its result time ........ Katie SAFE (Are you kidding me??) One Direction SAFE (thanks to teenage girl vote) Rebecca SAFE, Matt SAFE, Mary SAFE, Wagner SAFE, so its Paije (as expected) and Cher (a surprise) in sing off (twitterers wrong not a double eviction!!) safe to say bye bye Paije now!!....

Paije sang "You Better Stop" ironically styled the best he's looked on the show, except for his trousers tucked into his boots, not a bow tie or granddad waistcoat/cardie in sight!! though he sang well still no charisma or star quality to his performance.

Cher sang Twisted Sisters "Stay" which she sang at Halloween & got a good response from, sung in her street gear

Simon sent home Paije , Cheryl sent home Paije, Dannii sent home Cher, so Louie do you take it to deadlock or do you send home Paije (who has no stage presence or star quality) so Louie sends home Paije .... Like I said Bye Bye Paije!!! I thought he'd of left long before now to be honest!

Apparently according to the Sunday Papers Katie's 81yr Gran is a Prostitute ..... Well at least one of them is guaranteed a fucking career then!!!

The Xtra Factor, Paije was very philisophical, yes on the down side he is out of the contest, but looking on the bright side, Xfactor's Stylist Grace can't dress him up as The Mad Professor anymore!!! ........ well not until The Xfactor Tour anyway!!

Matt obviously does have issues with Wagner, laughed when one video link questioner, asked Simon if he had any jobs going? and Simon said a dead pan "Yes" I'd love to work for Simon Cowell I think he would be a demanding but great boss! Apart from that a prety boring show.


Saturday 27th Nov, the theme is Rock & each contestant sings 2 songs tonight (4-6 songs for Wagner if he does his usual cut & paste medleys) the show opens with the judges entrance as always, Simon looks his usual self, Dannii looks very pretty with lovely hair, and sparkly eyed make-up and a tomato red dress, Louie has gone for purple again & looks like a cross between Pewee Herman & a Spiv, Cheryl looks pretty today, the awful red in her hair has been toned down, to a chestnut-ish mahogany, nice smokey eyed make-up and a nice bronze dress that suits her, so the show begins...

 This Weeks Personal Critique Of The 7 Xfactor Finalists

Matt Cardle :- 1st Song - "I Love Rock n Roll" sang well & he worked the stage well, but not up to his usual standard, strange styling, dark jeans, a blue leopard print shirt, and a suit jacket with leather trimming on lapels & white trainers, doesn't really scream rock to me (does Grace think leather + Leopard print = Rock?)

2nd Song - "Knights In White Satin" much better styling (even if no hint of Rock) Matt back at his best, singing & playing guitar, one of if not his best vocal so far. 

Rebecca Ferguson :- 1st Song - "Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" More leopard print from Grace (I'm sure Grace wore this dress when on Xtra Factor talking to Konnie Huq) the colouring of the dress suited Rebecca for once, but wasn't the right length for her, it should of been shorter or longer, as that length made her legs look chunky & the black opaque tights looked wrong, bare legs or sheer tights would of been better, hair & Amy Winehouse-esque make-up were pretty though. Good vocal but not outstanding!!

2nd Song - "I Can't Get No Satisfaction" hair better half down, much improved black PVC dress made her look slimmer, liked the thorn like spikes in the hooped earrings, good vocal very Aretha Franklin

Mary Byrne :- 1st Song - "All That I Want Is You" Yet again the severe hair, (if ever there was a time for down  long hair, its Rock week!!) and back in Dark Navy, though a bit of sparkle with a bit of beading & sequins, I don't recognise the song I assumed it's a U2 number, but she belted it out, a great vocal performance.

2nd song - "Brass In Pocket" the perfect opportunity to have her normal long straight hair (with a half wig) & fringe (so she got a pulled back fake ponytail, with no fringe!!)  The outfit mostly black, with a bit of silver silver Tiger stripe top & leopard pumps was dire, considering she was moving about & getting filmed from behind, harem pants were not a wise choice, they even make anorexic Cher look chunky!! I have to say I wasn't Impressed with Marys rendition, I sing "Brass In Pocket" as one of my covers when I sing in Evil Barbie & The Ken-Dolls, and I have to say I sing it better than Mary (lucky she is well liked, as I think she could be in danger otherwise with this performances!!)

One Direction :- 1st Song - "Summer Of 69" Dressed as US Jocks/ Preppy, hardly a Rock look, but good vocals from all the lads, will go down well with the young girls.

2nd Song - "You Are So Beautiful to Me" Drab non Rock looking clothes again, Only 3 sang, don't know why all the adult females fancy Harry the curly haired one? he looks the most infant like of them all, the best looking are the Asian one Zane & the one who sang 1st on this song. Good Vocals even if only three fifth's sang!!

Cher Lloyd :- 1st Song - "Hey You I Wanna Be Your Girlfriend" Looked cute in doll like in her make-up, hair  and outfit except for her Pink Leopard Print (yet again!!) DM boots, which made her feet look too big for her body, fun upbeat & good vocal

2nd Song - "Walk This Way" Awful "street" outfit shape & colour did nothing for her at all, didn't like her vocal or performance of this song, it felt like she was chasing it & having trouble keeping up!! I agree totally with Dannii's critique

Katie Waissel :- 1st Song - "Sex On Fire" Quite a amusing choice after revelations about her hooker nan in the press, her smokey make-up was better and made her hair look less boyish, she has a pretty face, she just needs to get her ears pinned back as they distract from it, can't decide if I liked her tinsel like bronze tights or not? But she looked Rocky, but she had Tina Turner Leg Syndrome as she sang, and they shook and stomped away, brave attempt but the song was to big for her and her voice to weak to carry it!

2nd Song - Hold On, the REM song suited her voice, although the song was badly chopped up to fit the timing (I agree with Simon on that one) if she sang the whole song unchopped in it's entirety, I think it would suit her well, unlike the raggedy, creased, baggy, insipid pink, horror of a dress she was put in that did nothing for her at all & unlike 1st outfit did NOT fit the Rock theme or the song!

Wagner:- 1st Song - "Weirdo" Well what a surprise!!!! he sang a song all the way through & not a medley, actually it was his best ever vocal, maybe he is better off without all the dancers & gimmicks!!? His shirt looked like an abstract leopard print (Grace is obsessed with connecting Rock & Leopard skin prints!!)

2nd Song - "Addicted To Love" surprisingly he didn't do a medley for his 2nd song either, but he looked wrong in that suit & danced like your embarrassing Uncle at a wedding, and obviously he cant sing and dance at same time, as he sounded out of breath, but he's been worse!!

To Sum up :- The Xfactor had 2 themes Rock & leopard/ tiger print, thanks to Grace's lack of imagination also that Singing coach is an odd looking bugger!! I keep wondering if its because he has had some bad plastic surgery???

The Xfactor Results Show :- Dannii looking very very pretty in black, Cheryl rocking a slinky gold number, Louie still sporting the Peewee Herman look 2 days in a row, and Simon doing his normal Playboy look!!

The 1st act up The Wanted (or The Unwanted in my books) mimed coming out on a fairground waltzer, apt as a couple look like fairground pikey's!! then on a platform with The Wanted on (as we are likely to not retain their name) as a subliminal message, to remember them.

Justin Bieber was up next, like the Wanted he mimed but put on a far superior show, cute & talented Justin is adorable, but too young to fancy even for this cougar!!

Pussy Cat Doll Nicole Scherzinger showed them all how it should be done & rocked the roof off showing Cheryl it is possible to have a hectic dance routine & still sing LIVE!!! 

The Results, 2 will be going tonight!!  Rebecca SAFE, Matt SAFE, Cher SAFE, One Direction SAFE, lowest 3 Mary, Wagner & Katie .... fewest votes & leaving 1st is Katie, so its now down to Wagner & Mary in sing off. I said Mary could be in trouble after her performance of "Brass In Pocket" I belt that out with my band or at Karaoke better than she did, I was surprised she didn't make a better job of it!! but she need not worry Louie will either save her or abstain the other 3 judges will save Mary!

Wagner Sings "Unforgettable" actually did a decent job of it, had some emotion in voice, he must know the judges wont save him!!

Mary sings "This Is My Life" and for once sings with her hair down!! and looks younger even if it is a bit messy!! 

Judges decision time :- Louie saves Mary, Dannii saves Mary, Cheryl saves Mary so without Simon having to vote Wagner is gone, Simon would of saved Mary though...... Well done for actually choosing one of your acts Louie that's what you call judging, make some notes & take some pointers Cheryl!!

The Xtra Factor- Boring as usual, Grace going wow Rebecca in leopard print (yeah like practically everyone in Rock week thanks to your blinkered styling) it was the same leopard dress you wore on Xtra Factor around week 3 Grace!! Also cut the Louie's final word with Sinita it's as funny as genital warts & Louie's Limericks was 10 times more funny & that's saying something!!

To Sum Up - So Five are through to the Semi Finals, I am surmising it will be another double eviction, The remaining 5 are :-  Mary, One Direction, Matt, Cher & Rebecca I am assuming if two go next week it will either be Mary & One Direction or Mary & Cher, I think its a safe bet Mary will be going, she is good at Bassy numbers she loves but fails to deliver on more diverse numbers so is a bit of a one trick pony despite being likable. One Direction have the teeny bopper vote but are not quite as brilliant as Simon seems to think, they are cute & (most of the time) are reliably in tune, but other than that are quite bland & not exciting to watch, Cher's swagger may be her downfall in the votes from girls, Rebecca is great when she has her confidence, but falters often due to lack of it but seems to have a following so I think she will get through, Matt will get through due to his talent & likability factor. 


Saturday 4th Dec, The theme is Club Classics, followed by a "Get Me to The Final Song" Louie has lost the Peewee Herman look this week, Dannii looks gorgeous not sure about Cheryls look, the red lipstick is a bit old & harsh for her, in fact the whole hair & make-up is too too hard, she looks in her 40's and looks no where near as pretty as usual!!

 This Weeks Personal Critique Of The 5 Xfactor Finalists

Matt Cardle :- 1st Song - "You got The Love" high pitched & nasal, a bit like Bono, due to bad cold & sore throat, but still the best vocal on 1st song!! Naff Styling bad shirt (Grace the stylist must be taking their break up badly!!)

2nd Song - "Always A Woman To Me" Good save me song, Good vocals despite straining through a sore throat, safe styling, bit bland, but I would say the boys safe!!

Rebecca Ferguson :- 1st Song - "You Gotta Show Me Love" severe hair & dark make-up didn't suit her, dress was OK for a Club Classic week tho, still static on stage a good voice, but it didn't suit that arrangement of the song, the judges raved over it, but I found it disappointing!!

2nd Song - better make-up but lips too pail like they had concealer instead of lipstick on them & better hair, sang "Amazing Grace" Great Voice but static, as always, earrings & necklace did not go together at all but dress was nice & showed off a peachy derriere

Mary Byrne :- 1st Song - "I Never Can Say Goodbye" Think she will have to quickly learn to, after that performance, Awful Styling, yet again stern put up hair (ON CLUB CLASSIC WEEK!!??) they could of given her a long Donna Summer like wig!! Clothes wise a pikey looking black sequined monstrosity, which made her look like a marquee, the song didn't suit her voice, or the awful look they gave her, nor did the odd extras on stage 

2nd Song - "Memories" Awful hair, marginally better outfit, but that song was too too wobbly, and off key in parts,maybe the "save me" song has too many "Memories" attached too it, I think she will be gone Sunday!!

One Direction :- 1st Song - "Only Girl In The World" good harmony's but not exciting, casually dressed like they are off to a shopping trip at the mall, boring, drab, grey styling, Simon probably thinks they look current as like them he only wears grey, black or navy YAWN!!

2nd Song - "Chasing Cars" better more together style wise but still boring, good voices & harmonies but didn't blow me away, safe due to teen girl fans.

Cher Lloyd :- 1st Song - "They Got nothin On You Baby" (Club Classic???!!)I now know why Louie isn't sporting his Peewee Herman look tonight, It's because Cher's stylist Grace has nicked it for Cher... WTF!! I found the whole thing bland & boring & yet again disappointing, though the bizare pouty lips Cheryl was pulling while watching Cher was hysterical they caught her a couple of times as they panned to judges.

2nd Song - "Love The Way You Lie"  sounded like she was yodeling then rapping not good, sounded out of tune and all over the place, god damn awful pikey styling, black lace top with faux black leather trousers tucked into white thigh boots & a white belt & side pony tail. the Stylist obviously hates her!!

To Sum up :- Boring, Disappointing, Show for a Semi Final, think it's a pretty safe bet that Mary & Cher are out tomorrow, Mary 1st to go, then Cher. 

The Xtra factor;-  Konnie Huq wore a nice dress and had good big hair, but is still a boring presenter!! and the show was bland and boring, please come back Holly!!!! and the cringe worthy Sinita & Louies final word Continues!!! Sadly!!!.....

The Results Show - Xfactors Semi Finals, hoping that Cheryl's make-up and hair stylists are kinder to her today!! (couldn't be much crueler than they were yesterday!) were they related to that toilet attendant??

So the show begins, out come the judges, Dannii looking foxy, Louie back to being Peewee Herman, Cheryl still has red lipstick on but as 1st glance make-up doesn't seem as harsh as last night, dress a bit old hat long over short, Simon his usual smug self ,with his standard ridge back gorilla flat top hair.

Past winner Alexandre Burke opens the show, weird flying high wire acts and her raised up in the end with ultra long dress to form a Christ on cross like pose (like Micheal Jackson on World Song) which was gimmicky and distracted from the song and fairly pointless. 

Next up Glee Cast (miming!!) miming badly in the case especially bad miming from the big black girl from Glee she opened her mouth to wide & was off time, disappointing I expected more!!

Now The Black Eyed Peas, now I like them except for William being a knob & calling himself Will-i-am , but OMG!!! they didn't mime, but after hearing that noise that was meant to be "I've Had The Time Of My Life" I think maybe they should of!! That was god damn awful!! The Judges were all standing & clapping after??? The only explanation I can give is, that it must be due to relief that they had finally stopped that awful noise masquerading as singing!! ITV2 will probably auto tune it when its repeated again later!!!

The results - the 3 acts through are One Direction SAFE, Rebecca SAFE, Matt Safe ..... just as I predicted Mary & Cher in bottom two!!

Mary Singing "It's a Mans World" Cher singing Brittney's "Every Time"

Mary sang "It's a Mans World" well but she has sung it twice before in the show (forgetting about auditions) making her a bit of a one trick pony (if more of a Shire Horse) 

Cher was wobbly due to nerves but no doubt the judges will say its raw emotion & save Cher as she is more marketable!! Oh and what a surprise all but Louie put Cher through, she will still be 1st out in final next week anyway!!

The Xtra Factor - Boring Konnie talks to Mary & the finalists asking dumb questions, the two camp lads on the sofa in Santa hats, with dad in background on the web cam link, were very funny when asking questions about Cher, they also showed a clip of the funny faces Cheryl pulled last night on the show (I mentioned them in critique yesterday) Konnie told Simon & Louie to get a room before quickly back tracking, does she know something about those Simon Cowell gay rumours we don't???


Saturday 11th Dec, So Now The Xfactor Finals start, but oddly I don't feel any thrill of anticipation this year, I don't really care who wins this year, where as past years I had strong favourites. Out Come the Judges, Dannii looks great as usual, Louie is back to looking like Peewee Herman again, Cheryl nice dress shame about the hair style & make-up!! Simon the same old open shirted Simon. The group song (finalists past and present) can at best be described as a cacophony!!! yikes!! Quite like Katie's Blade Runner meets Tron outfit though!!

 This Weeks Personal Critique Of The Xfactor Final

Matt Cardle :-  Lot of tears in VT 1st Song - "I Can't breathe" straining to hit the notes, he's obviously still affected by his laryngitis, not his best performance! Styling for a final very boring. He also had flat, hat hair.

Duet - With Rihanna"Unfaithful" don't know this song, Matt is struggling with his voice due to illness (shame) she looks great in her high, above thigh, split dress, Matt's suit was so so but bad choice of shirt underneath, but they worked together as a duet.

Rebecca Ferguson :- Lot of tears in VT again, plus going on stage in white lace dress, with deep V-Back, with a big black bra strap across the back, was a fashion No no!! 1st Song - "Like A Star" Nice hair& make-up (unlike Cheryl) dress & jewelry,pretty too, but static as usual, on a podium, until male dancers slowly turned it, a good predictable vocal, didn't excite me though.

Duet - With Christina Aguilera - "Beautiful" quite a strange beige dress on Rebecca, with multicoloured sequined yoke collar, looked a bit like what an African Tribes Woman, would wear, or an ancient Egyptian, Christina's face looks very bloated & rounded (fillers??) Rebecca too static even walking down stairs & her nasal vocals paled to Christina's, who out sang Rebecca

One Direction :- Only the crowds & those around them, crying in their VT 1st Song - "Your Song" dressed to go Xmas shopping again, that cardie hood up looked stupid, in tune most of the time, but a bit messy & lack luster, a quite disappointing performance for a final!!

Duet - With Robbie Williams"She's the One" The Group were dressed better, for once. Very wobbly start, Out of tune & off key in most of it!! Robbie walks in in his usual arrogant manner nodding his head to crowd as if to say "yes the star is here!!" then doing his mad stare eye's & the gurning face of someone off their tit's on coke, very off putting!! as if them singing off key wasn't distracting enough!! But they sounded better after he turned up than before maybe because they sounded good compared to him!!

Cher Lloyd :- Bit of tears in VT 1st Song - "My Momma Told Me/Get Your Freak On"  Nice make-up & OK hair BUT!! Cheap skanky looking clothes, especially the lips print trousers!! the get your freak on bit was OK not so keen on the rest. Louie wrongly thinking "Get Your Freak On" was by Rhianna, was very amusing though!!

Duet - With Will-i-am - "Where Is The Love/I Got A Feeling" Good God WTF?? what a bloody awful outfit!!! It's like the daughter of Peewee Herman would look!! eeeeeeek!!! She started out well enough, then Will-i-am came out singing BADLY and dresses equally stupid with a huge computer cartoon Icon pendant on huge chain round neck.think it's safe to say she is gone tonight.

Rhianna performed & stripped to one of her numbers, not sure of title as I it's not on the Rhianna album I have so assume it's called "Whats My Name?" lol as that's what she kept asking the crowd!!
Cant say I'm a big fan of the song, not my type of thing but catchy I guess!!

Christina was up next with a raunchy number called "Burlesque" good performance, but her hair looks terrible, it looked like it had been powdered on top with talc, dull & frizzy with no shine, like a bad wig. Liked the dancers raunchy burlesque costumes especialy the piano key mini skirt!

Votes in lets see who doesn't make it through to tomorrow, my ££££'s on Cher!!! Rebecca SAFE, One Direction SAFE, Matt SAFE...... Cher to go!! Just like I said last week!! If I knew it, the judges who said they have no Idea, were either lying, or poor judges!! I have been getting it pretty spot on all along I should of placed some bets in the bookies!! All in all a dull lack lustre show, but at least we didn't have to endure a solo singing performance from Robbie, with his mad eyes & gurning face!! Thank God!!

The Xtra Factor- Konnie Huq cocks up imediately with her opening statement to Cher, who has just been booted off "Night of dreams" ..... yeah I bet she so dreampt of not winning!!! Nice hair, dress & jewlery though Konnie

Celebrity Pannel, Al Murray likes Matt, Daisy Lowe wants Rebecca to win, Tom from McFly quite liked Cher, Daisy thought Cher upstaged Will-i-am (she did, but then that wasn't hard to be honest!!) Alexandra Burk complimented them all but backed One Direction, nobody mentioned how One Direction really cocked up on vocals, with Robbie Williams duet, being shakey & off key & out of tune (bet that's auto tuned before it's repeated on ITV2!!) Good taste Dermot not to like Chers, lips jogging bottoms!!

Sunday 12th Dec, The Xfactor Final Results, out come the judges, Dannii looks gorgeous in frosty silver, Cheryl's dress is a nice red & top half is OK, but not keen on the fit/shape below the bust, also that chinigon bun look doesn't suit her it's too ageing, but at least the make-up is better tonight, Louie looks like a tango'd (orange) Peewee Herman, Simon same ole same ole!!

The Xfactor Finalists time do their joint song, Take That's "Never Forget" before being joined by Take That, half way through. Despite Howard doing lead vocals, Robbie was still doing his smug nod to camera, as if to say "Oh yes you luck people I'm here!!"

Matt Cardle :- 1st Song - " Firework" Awful styling chocolate shirt & banana yellow trouser (stylist Grace obviously not taking being dumped well!!) hair was an utter mess!! You could tell the song was putting a strain on his voice, (marred by illness) but he made a fair effort, but had he been well he would of been much better!!  

One Direction :- 1st Song - "Torn" dressed to go Xmas shopping again, sang a lot better than last night though, they didn't hit any flat bum notes tonight, good performance but a bit boring stood on a platform!!

Rebecca Ferguson :- 1st Song - "Sweet Dreams" Bad ugly hair & horrific make-up especially the lipstick, plus a vile ugly badly fitting gold dress & static knock kneed yet again!! good but nasal voice if I didn't know the song the words would not be clear

The freaks that never made it through were up next singing  Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance" they took out the romance & just left the BAD in!!! every year the rejects song is amusing, this year its just sad, it's the 1st time that they not only sang badly but they even forgot, most of the small lines they had each, it was as if the lunatics had escaped the asylum!! This year it was uncomfortable rather than funny to watch!!

Voting has been stopped so we will see who is out next (my money is on One Direction) then the remaining two will do their version of the Xfactor Christmas record!!

Out goes One Direction, many people on twitter were shocked, I wasn't, they sing well (most of the time) but need styling to make them look less bitty & more of a distinct package & the lack of moving around as a group makes them a bit dated like Westlife on stools or Boyzone all stood in line, they need to be a bit more of a new Blue not a new Westlife.

Mat to sing winners song 1st, Rebecca 2nd to win the show!!

Matt Cardle :-  Thankfully they have sorted Matt's hair out somewhat & shiny choc suit is an improvement on the bananaman trousers of before!! Matt's voice sounds better, which made me wonder if he is actually miming to his already recorded winner song?? Twitter are saying he has murdered this Biffy Clyro song, can't say I know the song, or heard of Biffy Clyro before.

Rebecca Ferguson :- Rebecca in a long red badly fitting shift dress like Cheryl, still with bad hair, but thankfully the horrid purple lipstick is gone, thinks nerves are settling in as she is a bit warbley, her rendition of song is doing nothing for me either to be honest, and again stood static centre stage apparently she's singing Duffy's "Distant Dreamer" never heard of it??

I thought the winners song was always 2 versions of the same song, another Xfactor change this year, to be honest I wouldn't buy either, there very moody & downbeat for the Xmas period too!! Prefer Matt's I have felt he would win from when he got through Judges houses, Dannii is also the most hands on judge with her acts, so deserves a win & Rebecca will do fine in 2nd place & it will stop Cheryl being smug about winning 3 years in a row!!

Take That take to the stage to sing their latest single, again acts like it's a solo act & they're his backing singers, with that manic look on his face & the occasional not to crowd while in his head his saying "Oh yes you lucky people Robbie really is here!! soak it up!! (vomit)

And the winner is Matt just as I always expected (damn why didn't I place bets? I could of amassed one hell of an accumulator!!) he re sings his winner song all warbling with emotion, but no Christmas tree in the background, with the cheap styling, the lack of celebrity mentors for the themes each year & the cheap sets this years Xfactor has spent less money, yet earned more money, than past years, this year I feel!!

The Final Xtra Factor:- Konnie looked well awkward interviewing Simon Cowell on stage, but even more so when a somewhat tipsy Shaun Ryder said Matt got through because he is hot, then did the tounge in cheek faux BJ impersonation!! 

Turns out Matt was in top 2 every week only 2nd once the 1st week when Mary was 1st, after that it was either Mary 2nd or Rebecca & "Beetles week" Katie was 2nd! Never One Direction, despite people thinking they were favourites!! saw Matt's video for single I won't be buying, will wait to see how album turns out!!!