Christ ...... Is It Really Easter??

Monday 25th April, (Easter Monday)  I dreamt that I was asked to Buckingham Palace, by someone I knew (Can't recall who though) Somehow they had blagged, getting to design an outfit for Kate Middleton, but unlike myself, they didn't have a clue about fashion designing, or cutting a pattern. So they wanted me along, to save the day (I don't recall asking them, if I was going to get any money for my help, although it seemed that, I certainly wouldn't be getting any credit for the design) Kate wanted a sheer black top, under a grey mix, tweed, waist-coat, with lapels & a matching straight skirt just above the knee, with a 3" sheer black inserted stripe, at mid thigh level, with a row of silver rivets either side of the stripe along the edge of the tweed. 

My friend did a god awful sketch, of a interpretation of what Kate wanted, with no seams, buttons, darts or pockets featured. Kate looked confused, I couldn't blame her, as it was a mess & if it was made up, as drawn, you would not of been able to get into the garment! So I quickly sketched, what I felt Kate wanted, myself & she was very happy with the result & said that it was exactly what she had envisioned. My friend shot me a dirty look, god knows why? As I'd just saved her hide, she would not of got the job, with the blob she'd just drawn.


I thought I bet she (My friend) now gives my drawing to a tailor, or a dressmaker relative who can make it for her & then charges a fortune as if she has done it herself! Then I was with a guy who looked like the main guy in 'Police Academy' crossed with one of the Belushi actors (Not the 'Blue's Brothers' One!) He had made me some kind of friendship bracelet & I was in his house & it had all sorts of dogs in it , big & small, all really cute & friendly! 

Then I was in an Exercise class, I was warming up for the class, doing stretches on a mat, and I laid down & closed my eyes to do a long stretch, when I felt the heavy weight of a man on-top of me, with his mouth pressing hard on mine & hands groping, I quickly pushed him off. But when I opened my eyes there was nobody there! I'm not sure if that was part of my dream, or if I was the victim of a *incubus while I slept (*A randy ghost/spirit/demon that kisses, gropes & even penetrates it's victims in bed) Weird as it sounds, I've had incubus experiences, in other homes, when I was Not Asleep!

I woke at 9am, had a wash & had Sultana Bran & a Diet Coke for breakfast, then I changed into my grey 3/4 gym trousers & pale grey diamanté trimmed vest top & slipped on my TrimSoles & popped to the shop for my Sun paper as per usual. Today is Easter Monday, Not that you'd know it by the TV listings, BBC1 has nothing Easter related (Unless you count 'Chicken Run' due to its Egg 'Easter Egg' connection) 

BBC2 also had nothing Easter related, ITV, Ch4, also nothing!! Channel 5 had the film 'King Of Kings' though, so they at least gave a nod to it being, a Christian time of celebration. I'm not a practising Christian, but I do think the country & the country's 5 main TV stations especially the pious BBC, should give some nod to the day being a Christian celebration. As we are supposedly a Christian Country, not that you'd know it, now that councils (Since Labour 1st got into power) try to wipe out anything vaguely Christian, for fear of offending other faiths (Who Cares??.... If they're offended by our Christian Festivals/Holidays, they can fuck right off, to any non Christian Country of their choice!!) 

I did a load of Job & audition searches online & then applied for a bunch of both! Then I did some online surveys, it's very sunny out but its bitter cold in the icy wind. I had lunch of a home made vegetable hotpot, with a wholemeal roll & a coffee after, for lunch. Then I did the washing up & put a black wash in the washing machine. I then did 50 squats against the wall, with my Swiss ball in my back to stop my bad back getting worse. Then I did a few chores, plus some more job searches, before I watched the soaps then made a light dinner of, two wholemeal pittas filled with Tabouli salad, with some feta crumbled on top & a coffee to wash it down. I did the washing up then I watched the brilliant 'Hotel Inspector' where an Ex St Albans couple, are running a B&B in Ross-On-Wye, with rather quirky tastes in décor!! 

That was followed by 'The Royal Wedding Crashers' where Z listers are either conned into thinking they are doing a VT that is going to be shown at William & Kate's wedding reception, or that they are actually invited to the Royal Wedding after another celebrity has had to pull out (Like they did to Andrew Stone) It was a pretty dire, boring, show. The funniest moment was, when they asked Andrew Stone, if there was anyone who might be there, who he'd rather not be sat next to? & He replied with 'David Van Day' because he found him 'An Energy Vampire!!' PML!!! Then I watched the brilliant 'The Event' love that show, brilliant acting & then as I had to be up early I went to bed with the paper at midnight 

The paper said that police tried to trick Honeymoon murder suspect groom Shrien Dewani into South Africa, it was claimed yesterday. They let him leave 3 days after her murder, but on realising he was a suspect, they invited him back, to identify objects recovered after the carjacking,  

Jordan (Katie Price) survived a bad car accident in Argentina after the 4by4 Leandro was driving, hit & killed two horses that bolted into its path from nowhere, the horses death was devastating to horse loving, horse ridding Jordan.

Tuesday 26th April, woke at 7.30am when alarm went off, despite having a restless nights sleep, after falling asleep some time after 3am. My sleep was so restless I don't recall any dream, if I had one. I got up jumped in the bath & scrubbed & exfoliated, then got out & moisturised. I slipped on my paisley strapless long summer dress & a jacket (As unlike yesterday its very cold & windy out) Then popped to the shop, with wet hair, to get a paper & a Diet Coke & a pack of Twiglets to take to Endimol with me, in case I got peckish as I waited. I saw my neighbour Simon outside the shop with his dog Bobbie, who I always make a fuss of. I had some Sultana Bran & a Diet Coke for breakfast, then I did my make-up & dried my hair,  Just as I finished I got a knock on the door. 

May 2009 In My Paisley Dress, With Candie

It was the postman with my redelivered mystery parcel, from a friend. Ooh what is it? It was very well wrapped so prolonged the suspense, as It took some time to open, but I could tell it was very aromatic, it smelt a lot like my favourite Decleor Algae bath soak, that I haven't treated myself to in years. 

I wasn't far off, it was a set of South African Bath Goodies (I have a lot of friends from Cape Town, my Nick-name Evil Barbie was given to my by my SA friend Bryden) Bath salts, soap, moisturiser & a bag of Cadbury's mini eggs (So I did kinda get a Easter egg this year after all!!) With a Card inside, and I was really surprised by the cards contents!! There was the sweetest message, thanking me for being such a good friend, which really made me feel my friendship was appreciated. 

Sometimes you feel that due to circumstances you can't be anything more than a pair of ears, to listen when friends need to talk, or a fun distraction from their bad day, or a form of moral support & it never seems much to offer, but when cards/little parcels like today's turn up, you feel sometimes maybe doing something that small, can mean a lot, to some. 

Shame it didn't arrive a bit earlier, because I would of used it in today's bath. Shortly after my front door started rattling & it was the letting agents handy man putting my keyhole surround back on the door which he'd removed to paint (well done it's only taken you 10 months) after constant requests from me (As locking it was tricky when the key wobbled in the big hole) He'd said that the keyhole surround, made no difference, the door was warped which was causing the locking problems! Funny then, that now its back on, the door locking problem, from that supposed warped door, no longer exists.... he's f**king warped not the soddin door !!!


It really is bitter cold today & very grey out I think it might rain so I made sure I put my retractable umbrella in my bag along with a black pair of court shoes. I had some cashews & a cheese pitta for an early lunch & continued with last weeks blog and finally finished it, saved it all, with only the pictures to add now (Which later will turn out to have been a total waste of time, when 80% of it gets wiped off, by Blogger when posted on Wednesday night) after 8hrs adding pics, despite it all having been saved repeatedly!

At 1pm I changed out of my paisley dress & into my black version of Marilyn Monroe's halter-neck 'Seven Year Itch' dress, I put hair half up, and added my curly faux ponytail, peacock feather print earrings & my yellow shrug to keep back warm under my coat, and wore my long flat boots (which I will change out of, once I'm at Endimol) I pulled on my floor length warm military coat, as its bitter cold out (Its odd to think I was sunbathing yesterday) And I headed out the door to walk to the station at 1.30pm

I got to the station and saw my usual BR admirer, had a bit of a chat and got a travel card to London for £15 getting a receipt, so I can get my fare refunded. Two trains had been cancelled & the next was running late, so it was just as well I'd left home in plenty of time!!! I caught the fast train to London reading the paper en route.

Once at Kings Cross, I got the Victoria Line to Oxford Circus, where I changed onto the Central Line to Shepherds Bush, Arriving for my 3.30pm appointment at 3pm I went to the 5th floor and as I entered the Endimol reception I ran into Sarah (Who I worked with) on 'Louie Spence's Showbusiness' who squealed with surprise at seeing me there, & gave me a great big hug, asking what I was doing? & so I explained about 'Odd One In' She said she was working on the new relationship show with Barney (Who I worked with) on '24hr Quiz' I said to say 'Hi' to him if I don't see him. She asked how Nerissa & Ian was & what they were up to? So I told her, then one of the 'Odd One In' girls came over & said 'Hi' & whisked me off to the chill out lounge, after reimbursing my travel expenses. 

I filled in my release form & chilled out in the chill out area, with a coffee & last weeks Heat Magazine (The one with Peter Andre on the cover, spilling the beans about his split with Jordan & Ellen, plus claiming to wanting to be a bad boy now & remain single & just have fun with da ladies from now on!) The One with the 'The Only Way Is Essex' girls Supposedly without make-up (Lauren Goodger had tattooed on eyebrows *that looked bloody awful* as well as dyed lashes & tinted lip salve, Lydia who looks better without the make-up, still had lash extensions in & either a thin line of liquid liner on top lids, or tattooed eyeliner, plus tinted lip salve and Sam had smoky grey pencil along top of lashes & tinted lip salve so none of them were totally make-up free, as claimed as per usual, in these type of articles)


I was just fixing my 2nd Coffee, when who should walk in but Nigel, (Who was in Losing It with me) It turns out that he is also on the show, which is why he'd called me on Thursday. He like Sarah & I, is being mysterious about his role (which I think is more fun!) While chatting to Nigel, I discovered that my friend Ian's Nemesis, Graham Winstone-Peters (Coach Trip, 4 Weddings etc) Who I have also worked with, is also doing 'Odd One In' So with Sarah Dorsett too, that means that 3 people I know (so far) are on 'Odd One In' along with me & two of us were in the film 'Losing It' and 2-3 of us will be in 'The Fortune Teller' 

 Some Of 'Losing It's' Cast

I was just chatting to Nigel, when Jay walked in (Who I worked with) on 'Is It Just Me?' & 'Hit The Road Jack', he said to make sure I stayed single, as they would be starting the next 'Take Me Out' in July (Which he also works on, I couldn't do it last year as I was on 'Louie Spence's Showbusiness') He was also working on another new comedy show, that he thought I was good for, and said he'd email me the details. 

It wasn't until 4.30pm that I got called through to do my bit of filming for the TV executives (A hour later than the appointment, which is the norm in this business!!) I was called in to do my VT with two other guys, who were also claiming the same claim as me. A thin guy in his 20's and a pensioner, we all did our bit to camera claiming to be, what we all claimed to be & the pensioner kept getting tongue tied & missing 'The' out of the claim, Then we all had to tell our bit to VT on how we claimed to be/to do what we claimed to be/do.... 

The young lad was quite nervy & took about 6 takes to get the chosen take, he could then leave. I did two takes one longer one shorter & then could leave, which I did, so I don't know how the old boy did?? I said goodbye to everyone, then I left & text Nat to see if he was about? But I know Tuesdays are usually his quiz nights, he text he was out for the night, so no doubt he was off to his quiz night. Well I can't go home until 7pm on my off peak ticket, so I text Simon & Ian to say I'd just finished filming & were they around? Simon never answered, maybe he's loved up & preoccupied, Ian said to meet him at his place, so I set off to Stockwell. I got to Ian's & said a brief 'Hello' to his new, lesbian house-mate, then we set off into Clapham North & had a drink outside, in the now hot sun, finding free seats outside a local bar, chatting to a group of locals.

The locals were quite a good laugh & we swapped funny stories while I downed my cider & then Ian seduced me to come along to his Pub Quiz Night, so we popped on the train to Wandsworth & got to the Pub, that was not far off Wandsworth Common, it was a nice area lots of 4x4 cars around. The pub was really nice, really big, but really empty & I went to the ladies as soon as we got in, as cider goes straight through me. 


Ian Introduced himself to the staff & I soon found out why it was so empty!!! A pint of Strongbow Cider & a Large Glass of Pinot Grigio cost £10.75 WTF!!!!! Normally in St Albans a Pint of Strongbow is around the £2 -£3 mark tops!! & even at a very expensive £4 a pint, that would make the wine £6.75 a glass, Madness!! 


It was cheaper in central London!!! Meanwhile the 19-20yr old cute barman, with long hair seemed mesmerised by me for some reason? (or by my cleavage!) in that really sweet innocent, totally unaware way, so that they are being really obvious, like a Junior school kid, with a crush on their teacher. 

It was so blatant even Ian noticed & then he pissed himself laughing, when he saw the lad was down on the Till as Dom Jovie. Dom kept finding excuses to come over to me, while I was sat at the bar, would I like some ice for the cider? do I want a beer mat? a straw? etc & then subtly lead conversation, where I'd give it away if Ian was my Boyfriend/Husband, too too funny, but sweet!! It seemed there was not going to be enough people to hold a pub quiz tonight, which wasn't the end of the world for Ian, as Ian still got paid for it either way. Ian went outside for a ciggy, while waiting to see if any more customers were going to show up. While I sat at a table inside in the warm, as it had got quite blowy & cool again outside!

 Ian

Meanwhile Dom Jovie had me in stitches, he kind of came out of the bar at one end & headed towards my table, then swerved away again at the last min & then he did the same thing, coming at me from the other side of the bar, then 3rd time lucky he finally got to my table, looked like he was going to say something, blushed & then wiped the table & scarpered. Then Ian came back in, went to the bar & chatted to Dom & then Ian referred to me loudly as 'Cougar Town' & I laughed to myself thinking 'You little devil Ian, I know what your doing' I know I like a toy-boy & Dom was very cute, but I think he may be a bit young even for a dirty old woman like me!! 

Ian was trying to seduce me to stay in London & go to G.A.Y Late with him, but with my summer/winter mismatched wardrobe & also having had only 4 - 4.5hrs sleep last night. I thought I shouldn't & it would also cost me another £15 fare which I really can't afford & I don't want to be poncing drinks off Ian all night even if it is VERY cheap in there. So we compromised & decided to have one last drink in town, before I went home. But 1st we popped to a local McDonald's for something to eat as we were both famished, and it's quick & cheap, so I had a bean burger meal, with small fries & a small Diet Coke.

We got a train into Waterloo & the seat separators/arm rests were this kind of bulbous tear shape (above) when some people got off at one of the stops, I got a fit of the giggles, at 1st Ian didn't know quite why?? I said 'This isn't a Virgin train is it!!' he said in a confused tone 'Err No!!?' Then I pointed to one gaping seat divider, that looked like an engorged open vulva & I said 'What does that look like to you?' he followed my eye line & then got the giggles himself saying 'Oh my god, a huge vadge!!' So I took some pics of it (below) when the train stopped at Waterloo & everyone except us got off!!

Ian Tries Something Alien To Him

We went to Ku Bar & had a cider each, we had a fun night, people watching (It was switch night, so full of lesbian's more than gays tonight) Ian went for a cigarette & a table that was in front of us got up & filed past to me, to go out the back door (There is a gag in there somewhere!!) A guy in a plaid shirt, gelled hair & trendy wire framed glasses, came up to me & said in a foreign accent (I think maybe Italian but not 100% sure!) 'I just wanted to tell you that you are a stunningly beautiful woman!!' Which really took me aback, as I wasn't expecting it & I'd assumed he was gay (Well I guess he still could of been gay) Taken aback I said 'Thanks you made my night' He smiled & said 'Your welcome, because it's true!!' Then left. I could see Ian outside with his ciggy observing me, puzzled by my puzzled expression, so when he came back inside, I explained what had just happened. We then went outside to finish the last of our drink & were accosted by some annoying drunk guy from Scotland, who's idea of humour was talking about fucking his mum.... WTF??

So Ian & I set off to Leicester Square & went in our separate directions, I got to Kings Cross & waited for my train to arrive, I got on & sat down & some odd looking, middle aged Asian looking guy kept wandering up and down the length of the train while sat in the station, looking at people weirdly & leaving the connecting doors open, which was irritating people, just as the doors closed & the train started to pull out, two very handsome young rugby player looking guys, ahead of me went to go sit in the train seat opposite me (Yippee eye candy on the way home!!) 

But just before they did the nutty Asian guy rushed from the other side (behind me) & practically leaped into the seat giving everyone one of his weird looks, the hunky guys looked shocked, looked at him then looked at me as if to say WTF?? Then kept on going to the next carriage behind me. Fucking thanks you freak!! Then 5mins later he was up again strolling off up the train (Thank god he was giving me the creeps!!) when he went a guy sat diagonally opposite ahead of me rolled his eyes & shook his head & I nodded in agreement. 


I read the paper on the train there was a lot as expected on the Royal Wedding. There was even a Kate & William Mask to cut out for Friday! I got home about 1am & my stomach was grumbling again so I had another cheese pitta before bed with the Twiglets that had been in my bag & crashed out (Calories consumed 2,819 ...Oh bloody hell!!!) 


Wednesday 27th April, I woke early at 7.30am again, I can't recall any dreams at all, so much for eating cheese in the wee hrs giving you nightmares. I got up & had a bath & had some Sultana Bran & a Diet Coke for breakfast, then changed into my grey & white 3/4 gym trousers, my white long sleeved, Petite Bateau T-shirt, with my light grey diamanté trimmed vest over the top & pulled on my B&W TrimSoles. I was just about to head out to Jennies 'Pampered Chef' morning at 10.15am, when I got a phone call from a production company that I'd responded to, re an audition advertised. 

They asked me a few questions & then said they were going to email me some information & a form & they needed me to send it back immediately due to tight schedule, so went back upstairs & logged on to laptop & 3mins later the email arrived with a bloody long, eight page form attached, which took me from 10.30am until 11.45am to fill in & attach a photo, and send off. Which meant it's now a hour after, Jennies 'Pampered Chef' morning has started, so I can't go now & interrupt part way through!!


I popped to the shop to get a paper before going for my 2hr power walk & saw my neighbour Steve in there, I said I was off to the park, so would his cute spaniel Bobbie (A female not male Bobbie) like to come with me? He said that would be great & so Bobbie & I headed off to the Verulamium Park & popped into Jennies briefly en route, Jennie was sitting with her other invitees in the garden, her mum, plus a bunch of women from mid 50's to late 60's, who looked as much fun as anal warts, to be honest. 

I said I was sorry that I'd missed her 'Pampered Chef' morning, she said not to worry & to come round around 8pm Thursday to sample some of the leftovers, then Bobbie & I set off to the park!! We spent 2hrs walking & running together, she is a very sweet little thing!! I eventually got home at 2.15pm & made lunch of one cheese pitta pocket & one cheese roll with some Twiglets & some water then went to my finished SAVED Blog Titled 'Springs Back....... Lets Get Physical!!' & began to add the pictures (Which takes hours & hours amazingly!!) I added the pictures I already had, on my PC then I searched Google for other ones relevant for my blogs topics, then I stopped for a while at 6.30pm to watch 'Home & Away' A great soap, with great plot writing & fit hunky guys (what's not to like?) 

Then had some Tesco Sushi for dinner, followed by a fresh fruit salad, made from 3 bowls of fruit bought for just £1 from St Albans Market, before continuing searching for & adding photos to my finished blog (Which is/was my best Blog I have written, so far, full of funny & shocking story's & some wry observations, and packed with adventures, and tales from my life's past!)


I continued adding the pics while watching 'Kerry Katona: The Next Chapter' & TOWIE I'm worried that Kirks dad, the oldest swinger in town & owner of The Sugar Hut, is my age, he looks mid 50's to early 60's, I can't believe man chasing, chubby, car sales woman Gemma, who's in her 20's can really fancy portly Mick who looks 10yrs+ older than his years, it would be like dating her dad. 

Then I watched the NEW Davina McCall show on ITV 'Long Lost Family' who I contacted last year about finding my half brother Brian & my half sister Gaye. Not bad if they can help me that would be great. Then at 12.30am all the photos were added & my Blog 'Springs Back....... Lets Get Physical!!'  It was looking amazing, now all I had to do was publish it, so I clicked on the publish post button, but it took me to a page that said 'sorry your blog took to long to post press backspace & try again' so I did so (5 more times!!!) Before it said it had posted!


Then I clicked on view blog & after a few minutes of scrolling through it, I was having a mini seizure! It had only posted one third of my blog, wiping two thirds of it completely, my blog had taken me 9 days, including the day spent adding pics, at approx 10hrs a day that's 90hrs work, 60 of which were wiped!! I panicked & backspaced trying to get my original work back, as I'd only saved it on Blogger & nowhere else & despite saving it repeatedly on Blogger, Blogger bloody wiped it, which really stressed me out!! All that work gone, I was fuming at myself why didn't I cut & paste it to Word or my Hotmail before posting, just in case? Or open it in two windows so if it wiped it in one, I still had the other one open & intact to save (As they say hindsight is 20/20 vision!!) 

Fuck fuck fuck fuck ... all that time & all that work for nothing!! Like I don't have enough worries & stresses in my life already!! I ranted on Facebook & Twitter  about what Blogger had just done to my saved work then ranted @Blogger on Twitter & on their page on Facebook, as Blogger conveniently have no direct email or telephone number, so they can conveniently ignore my complaints on their Facebook page & on their Twitter page. 


I went to bed stressed & gutted that my best work had been wiped, with no notes to refer to, to re do it, back to its original glory. I will have to redo at a later date, when most of it will be a distant memory, or forgotten!! I read the paper to try to distract my anger, the normally boring as hell Gwyneth Paltrow, shattered her clean cut image after using the 'C' word on telly to describe her gran!! (nice!!) Punk Queen, Polly Styrene, a blast from my musical past, as an art Student, has sadly died at 53, after losing her battle with breast Cancer, crashed out shattered around 2am  (Calories consumed 1,757 oh dear!!)


Thursday 28th April, hardly slept at all last night, and what little sleep I got was fitful & restless, all thanks to Blogger, funny what can get to you, when your not working full time! I still can't believe that despite all my work, having been constantly saved, that on posting it, it kept saying it was taking to long to post & to hit the back arrow & try again (maybe slow due to being such a huge blog,  as so much was going on & so much in the news was infuriating me, or due to my laptop connection being slow!!) So I kept hitting the back arrow & going to post & the same thing kept happening until eventually it posted. 

When it finally was & I went to view my blog I discovered Blogger had wiped 60+ hours worth of SAVED work, Gutted & Fuming in equal measures (just my luck that it was the blog & the work I was most proud of that has been wiped!) Well done Blogger for not having a contact email or telephone number to complain to, or to contact tech people that might be able to re find lost SAVED work! So angry I could punch a hole through a brick wall right now. I might as well have spent those 60hrs in the gym, as I have fuck all to show for all my hard work now!!


I hoped when I turned on my laptop in the morning, it was a dream & my blog was still there in it's entirety, but alas it was not, gutted I had a wash made a coffee & bowl of Branflakes. I did my hair & make up & put on my 3/4 dark grey & white gym trousers, my white long sleeved Petite Bateau T-shirt, under my diamanté trimmed, light grey, vest top. Incandescent with rage I needed to get out of the place before I start smashing things in a rage!!!


So I decided to take my neighbours dog Bobbie out for a walk and spent 3hrs from 12.30 to 3.30pm aggressively throwing a ball for it to fetch for 3hrs, to try to exercise the ball of angry power inside me, but by the time poor Bobbie was all fetched out, I still had a residue of bubbling anger & resentment inside. We were walking back from the park past Jennies, when I got invited in for a tea, by her husband & so I sat in the garden with Bobbie for a bit, Jennie turned up shortly after & we had a mug of tea, a lemon curd sandwich & mini sponge cake with piped cream & blueberry's & sliced strawberry's on top, from her Pampered Chef morning yesterday. 

She said could I hang around for 30mins, to walk with them to pick the girls up from school, as the girls would love Bobbie, who is such a cute well behaved little Spaniel. So we did & the girls made a fuss of Bobbie & I walked them back home, Jennie said to come round later tonight when Edgar goes off to play darts, said I'd see her at 8pm then walked back to mine & popped Bobbie back in with my neighbour & got in about 4.45pm.


I popped into the shop for a Diet Coke & The Sun paper, logged on to my laptop & checked my Hotmail, Facebook & Twitter etc @CatFunt_ on Twitter made me laugh for the 1st time, since last night, when I saw his unsubtle & tasteless as ever tweet to @Blogger saying.......


CatFunt_

  

@Blogger Oi, you bunch of inbred bellends; Sort out @The_Evil_Barbie's blog that you've fucked well up! Cunts! Thankyouverymuch


@WKD81 said she was gutted for me, She'd said last night, that she couldn't wait to read my latest blog I was about to post & @wonderlandwigs was very sweet too saying......



wonderlandwigs

  

@The_Evil_Barbie it's always the way, you do something really great and put loads of effort in and then it just vanishes :(

I had a response from one of my auditions & they want me back again in a few weeks time. Still nothing from any of the retail jobs I have applied for, which is frustrating as I know I could do them all standing on my head, and do them damn well too!! The problem with retail & sales is there are 100s of people applying for the same job & it's a numbers game & often they prefer to take on someone less experienced on a cheaper wage & train them up, than pay more for someone more experienced. I applied for some more jobs until 7.45pm & then set off for Jennies.


Got to Jennies at 8pm & watched the fab 'Three In A Bed' & we watched 'My Big Fat Royal Gypsy Wedding' which Jennies daughter Lara found hysterical. Then she went to bed at 10pm & we watched Katie on Sky Living, it's strange sometimes her new Argentinian love looks like Ricky Martin & at other times like her son Junior, but all grown up! They were at Ascot, I expect he is a good horse rider like Katie, as most of my Argentinian friends ride, and I love the Argentinian Polo team. Jennie got quite tipsy on rose wine, which was quite amusing. Edgar got back from darts & was pleased his team had won! 


So I headed off home about 12.15am & went straight to bed & read the paper LOADS about the Royal Wedding again. Welsh strumpet  Imogen Thomas was sobbing on 'This Morning' saying she has been thrown to the lions..... Yeah maybe but she is no innocent, she knew the man she was sleeping with was married!! I finally turned off the lights & crashed out at 1am (Calories consumed 1,477 that's more like it)

Below Re Written Yet Again Thanks To Blogger Wiping "Everything Saved" After Thursday !!

Like it Wiped Everything Saved After Mid-Wednesday In My Last Blog!!

GGGGGRRRR BLOGGER SORT YOUR ACT OUT!!

Friday 29th April (The Royal Wedding)  I had a restless sleep waking at 7am & dozing on & off until 9am, then despite being shattered I put on ITV to watch the Royal wedding & it's run up, as BBC1 would be too left wing, pompous & full of bores puffed up with their own 'imagined' self importance!! At 10.45am I pottered downstairs & fixed a tray with some olives, an aubergine dip, chilli houmous plus 3 heated wholemeal pitta's & a can of K cider (classy as always) to nibble on during the ceremony, (A kind of half arsed Turkish breakfast with booze!!) & to raise a drink to William & Kate once they are pronounced Husband & Wife. The King of Tonga looked remarkably like Mohamed al-Fayed, for a moment I thought 'I wasn't expecting to see him invited!!' The TV announcer probably thought the same as the camera was on the King some time before rapidly mumbling "The King of Tonga arriving  at the Abbey!!" 

 Mohamed al-Fayed

The King Of Tonga

Kate (Now to be known as Catherine) wore a very pretty, simple, classic, 50's look dress with lace sleeves, very reminiscent of Princess Grace of Monaco's Wedding Dress. Actually its not that far removed to my mums dress for her 1st wedding to my uncle (Yes that's right my mum married brothers!!) 

William looked handsome in his uniform (especially with the cap on!) I don't know why William didn't use something like Satura Pro (or other proven treatments) on his hair, when it was apparent it was beginning to thin on top & he was bound to go bald like his father and uncles?? It's not as if he can't afford the best treatments going!!?? (For more info on Satura Pro keep reading my blogs!!) 

Princes Harry & William

Prince Harry, who has overtaken William to become the most handsome prince, looked very dashing indeed in his uniform (Yeah I admit it, I have a bit of a armed services uniform fetish!!) The two page boys looked adorable & Kate's sister & head bridesmaid, Pippa looked elegantly sexy, in her simple ivory cowl neck shift dress, with back button detail. The four small bridesmaids dresses were cute, shame two of the little girls were a bit unfortunate looking as - (There was a lot of talk on Twitter about one looking like the child of Shrek & comments on the lazy/boss eyed one) 

I raised my can of K (K for Kate) to the married couple & watched them ride in the open carriage back to The Palace surrounded by the Royal Life Guards.... Phwoooooor!!! That's one of the uniforms that does it most for me, I don't know why? But my guilty pleasure got to feel more guilty & borderline incestuous, when my late mum told me, that my Dad use to be one of the Queens Life Guards, before I was born!!.... Strange I never learnt that until years after dad died, I knew he was in the cavalry in WWII but not that, how odd that I am drawn to that uniform, I think its the uniforms breastplates mixed with tight jodhpurs & long boots (Probably why I have a thing for Polo players too!!) 

The Royal Lifeguards 

I managed to get dressed & do my make-up by the time they came out on the balcony and had two iconic kisses. 

My hair looked quite good in a shaggy Kim Wild circa 1980's stylie so didn't add any hair pieces. I did a natural make-up on my tanned face with a touch of black eyeliner, It was grey & windy out & also threatening to rain, so I wore my black wet look leggings, my long black boots & a long studded black & grey studded leopard print vest top over my white long sleeved Petite Bateau T-shirt, with my beige faux sheepskin body warmer by Oasis. I put my retractable umbrella & a bottle of Merlot wine (that's sat in my wine rack for over a year) in my big black sequinned shopper & set off for the 45min walk to Mikes (After buying a Sun paper from the shop next door & then posting it through my letterbox) 


Heading into town it seemed pretty quiet out, I haven't heard of any street party's in St Albans so if there is any they are poorly advertised!! Jennie & Edgar said there was meant to be one in Fishpool Street, when I saw them yesterday & the guy in my local off licence  said there was one in London Road. Walking towards the end of Catherine St I saw my 1st bit of patriotism when Coupers had two flags flying a Union Jack & The Flag of St George, representing The UK & England. Also Eve & Adam had bunting out of Union Jacks & St George flags (Even if they were in their own cream & burgundy colour ways)

As I neared the high street I saw the Blacksmiths Arms had made a small effort with a flag & some bunting & restaurant Darcy's had flown 4 Union Jacks outside, with anticipation I neared the high street, was it festooned with bunting? Was there a fair, a market or a street party?? 

 The Blacksmiths Royal Wedding Effort

OMG!!!......... NO!! There was Fuck All!!! I was in absolute shock & disgust in equal measures!!! Not a single shop had bunting or a wedding themed window display!! And the Council had not put out any bunting across the street, I can't believe the lack of patriotism from the council, the company's that run the shops & individuals in general on such a historic & patriotic day! I was totally disillusioned in St Albans, we are London home county's god damn it!!  

St Albans High Street's Royal Wedding Effort, April 29th

We have replaced Mayfair on the new Monopoly board, you would think they would of gone Royal Wedding Crazy like Candie & the gang in Muswell Hill!!

Regent Street, Royal Wedding Effort, London Style

I walked through town on a real downer, due to peoples lack of effort on such a historic day!! Plus I was now getting coated in drizzly rain, which didn't help lift my new downer of a mood, especially as the strong wind managed to still lash it under my umbrella. As I neared the end of the High Street I saw that at least the building that use to be the Town Hall & is now a coffee shop & function rooms, was flying the Union Jack. 

I turned into the town end of London Road & yet again nothing.... absolutely fuck all!! & no street party that the shop guy mentioned! I wonder if the rumoured Fishpool Street actually happened too? Mike called me, as I strode towards his in the rain to check I liked Haloumi, as I don't eat meat (I don't like Haloumi...... I LOVE it!!)


When I got to Mikes Electronic gates, my hair was more bedraggled than the shaggy of earlier, due to the rain en route. I popped in the code & entered & It suddenly became really warm & sunny, Mike was being his usual host with the most at his BBQ making sure everyone had plenty of food & drink, it was also good to see he had his bunting up & his Union Jack paper plates & cups. I chatted to his neighbours, who were lovely, including a young couple, who had just moved in to the close yesterday. I chatted to Linda for a bit & their son Liam has really grown & was being very cute. I started on the rose wine & then went on to the Vodka & Oranges haven't had one of those for ages. The Haloumi was cooked to perfection & went perfectly with a lovely dressed salad on offer & a chunk of french stick YUMMY!!  

Later Mike gave me a lift home & I got in somewhere between 7.30 - 8.30pm & quickly washed & dried my crazy hair straight before heading off to the British Legion for Nick's 40th birthday bash (I didn't bother changing as its only The British Legion) I spotted Nick on the dance floor & crept up behind him to surprise him, delighted to see me he picked me up & spun me round. I went to the bar to get a pint of cider at cheap legion prices (Classy as Ever!!) & then I looked around the hall, there was nobody I knew, except Nick. 

With Birthday Boy Nick

Soon two fun girls in their 20's came over to me & introduced themselves as Liz & Christina & said "Come with us, there are guys buying us drinks, thinking they will get lucky, we need somebody who will give as good as she gets!" They lead me back to the bar area where a middle aged, red haired man, who turned out to be a fireman & a guy not dissimilar to Minty from EastEnders stood & they passed the girls a drink & asked if I wanted a drink, so I thanked them & opted for a black Sambuca shot. 

I chatted with the guys and girls & had a laugh 2 more Sambuca's & a pint of cider later the Minty looky-likey gave me his card, which I put in my pocket without looking at it & then at some point, out of the blue without any request from me, or any talk on anything close to the subject, Minty suddenly flashed me a pic of his penis, on his phone Ewwww what was he thinking? Was that meant to excite me? WTF!!? I told Liz & she said 'Yuck!!' & bust into a fit of the giggles!  Why do some men do that? you don't hear of women, in the middle of a casual conversation, pulling out their phone and flashing a picture of their virgina, or thier breasts, to a virtual stranger!!



I got home around 1.30am & looked at Minty's business card, that was still in my pocket, and I discovered his job & if Minty had been a tall hunk, with an amazing personality, who didn't flash knob pics (which he isn't) He still wouldn't of had a chance with me, as his card showed he was a pest controller, who not only killed bugs but also mice, rabbits, rats, foxes, moles & pigeons... and I'm a veggie animal lover, who loves those little critters, 


I read the paper as expected LOADS on William & Kate, Honeymoon murder suspect Groom, Shrien Dewani, is being detained in a mental clinic with some of Britain's worst child killers & perverts, while his mind is being assessed. He was moved their after a bust up at the Priory, where he is being treated for post-traumatic stress. Dewani is on £250,000 bail. I crashed out around 2am (Calories consumed 2,184 Whoops!!)


Saturday 30th April, I woke at 8am to a lovely sunny day why can't it of been like that for the Royal Wedding yesterday? Not that I'm going to be sat out in it today. I had Alpen for breakfast then I had a bath & did my make-up, popped to the shop for a Sun paper, then a while later I made a coffee with some Krisprolls with chilli houmous for elevenses. I wore the long leopard print vest top, that I wore yesterday over my white 3/4 leggings today, and went into my Sunday housework overdrive. I stripped the bed & put a load or 3 in the washing machine. 


I hoovered the lounge, bedroom, hall, stairs & kitchen, did the dusting & washing up, then tackled the clean dry laundry putting in two piles one pile for laundry that needs ironing & another for those that don't. Then I stopped for a lunch of a Veggie Pasty with some Wotsits & a Almond Magnum. 

Then it was time to wade through the huge pile of laundry, to be ironed, while watching the God Awful 'William & Kate' Channel Five film, that I'd missed last week (Good god it was cringe worthily bad, none of the actors looked, or sounded like who they were meant to be, especially Prince Charles, who was hysterically bad) It was very cloyingly, twee and totally unbelievable!! Once the ironing was done, I put everything back in my wardrobes or draws (both the ironed & the stuff that had not needed ironing) & had a Diet Coke then put clean white linen on my bed, by which time it was 7pm so I fixed some macaroni cheese, with some Krisprolls for dinner, washed down with mineral water & a handful of fizzy cola bottle sweets. (I've got to get out of eating sweets, I only started eating them when mum died!) 

At 8pm I watched Britain's got talent not that there was any talent to speak of the judges were impressed with some aging singer, I don't know why? I did not rate his singing at all! Wagner on Xfactor was better & that's saying something, plus a chunky woman, doing embarrassing aunt at a wedding, disco dancing (I will do a critique once they have chosen their final finalists!!) I got peckish so snacked on some Krisprolls with aubergine dip then watched Million Pound Drop & Stand Up For The Week, then went to bed at midnight with the paper, The front page is William & Kate's balcony kiss at Buckingham Palace, and the 1st 22 pages were about the Royal Wedding. There wasn't much else of interest. (Calories consumed 2,650 holy cow!!!!!)


Sunday 1st May,  I woke at 9am to another sunny, but very windy day. I had a wash, then had Alpen, 4 Krisprolls & Diet Coke for breakfast, dressed the same as yesterday & slipped on my TrimSoles & popped to the shop for a NOTW paper, then did my usual load of online job applications & surveys while watching that old film classic 'Laurence of Arabia' on TV. Then I checked my audition sites & applied for some of the auditions available. Then I had some grilled Haloumi & sliced tomato wrapped in a Nan bread & a can of K Cider for lunch. The film finished & I hung out some wet laundry from one of yesterdays washes & did the washing up. 


I watched 'Come Dine With Me' then had a 2nd Nan bread rolled with Jarlsberg cheese inside for dinner & a coffee & 2 digestive biscuits as I had the munchies, then I watched 'The Hotel' (God knows why anybody stays at or has a wedding at that tatty old run down, poorly run hotel The Damson Dene??)  I cleaned the kitchen & bathroom then at 10pm it was time for TOWIE 'The Only Way Is Essex' 17st Gemma was having a Union Jack Vajazzle done, but as it was on her ample Belly rather than her Vagina I'd say it was more of a Bejazzle, not that it wasn't blatantly obvious before but tonight's show underlined the fact that Amy never has been, nor will she ever be a beauty therapist, you could see the part of the jewel application that had been pre done by a professional & the rest that shed done & made a bodge job of with blobs of white glue everywhere!! 


Anyone who believes a word of what these people are meant to do for a living are dumb, no was is Arg a singer, Sam is a Nuts model & no boutique owner, No way does Joey Essex have the brains or organisation skills to be an event organiser! No way does Lauren work in the fashion industry unless it's as a Saturday girl. The most attractive & charismatic character on their (Other than Lucy Meck) is the cute bulldog puppy Alien headed Lauren 'Roger' Pope gave to ignorant childish Kirk! 

Tonight Lydia (Who is looking a lot better these days) is supposedly meant of to have bumped into a hunky model, spilling her bags contents on the pavement, with him then helping her, that was the funniest god damn awful acting moment in the series so far (No wonder they're not paid!!!) Honestly a primary school drama class could of pulled it off more convincingly I was howling with laughter its so bad!!... If the USA get this as the UK's version of 'The Hills' god only knows what they will make of us Brits, based on this show!!?? I got ready for bed & took a pint of water with me & watched 'Desperate Housewives' In bed then read The News Of the World paper..... 


Again Mostly about the Royal Wedding. Also wacko Mariah Carey gave birth to her twins yesterday - while HER song 'We Belong Together' blasted out. Cheryl Cole has sacked her manager & has replaced her with 'Black Eyed Peas' buddy Will-i-am, think she has shot herself in the foot there (Anyone who thinks changing their name from William to Will-i-am, is cool, clearly isn't good at making decisions!!) I bet her ex manager Hilary Shaw feels betrayed!! (Calories consumed 2,492 oh dear diet & fitness kick starts next week in earnest)

It's Christmasssssssssssssssssss!!!!

What Did You Find Under Your Tree?? 

Monday 20th Dec, fell asleep after 7.30am than woke at 11.30am. I had a busy complex dream in that short time, which I can no longer recall. Looked out the window, it wasn't snowing out, but it must of over night, as everything looked new and crisp, white & even. I had a wash & did my make-up and brushed my hair, put on my black leggings, with black over the knee sox, over the top, my over the knee flat black boots, cream cashmere polo neck jumper, my long calf length black cardigan, wrapped a cream scarf round my neck & pulled on my floor length black Coat, my Carley wig (will keep ears & neck even warmer!) and my Panda/Polar Bear Bobble hat. 

 

Set off out to my friend David's house with Card & dog treats, made a fuss of Stanley & Betty, David had got me a bottle of Champagne & a box of M&S assorted Choc's, took the dogs for a walk over the park, which looks so beautiful in the snow, gutted my camera is busted, so I cant capture some photos of it!! 

Went back to David's & collected my Champagne, Chocs & Card & headed home. Had a coffee and a couple of chocs then headed out again & went to the post office to post off 5 items sold on eBay & last of Xmas Cards. 

Popped to newsagents to buy Sun paper & Now Magazine then popped into J K Palmers for a Cappuccino to thaw me out, flicked through Now Magazine & thought wow BB11 Josie Gibson is very done up on page 23, only to discover it's not Josie but Girls Aloud's Sarah Harding!! OMG!! I'd never have recognised her!! what has she done to herself, she looks like a totally different person!! Bizarre!! 

 Josie Gibson, oops I mean Sarah Harding

Went to the nail bar for a manicure & re polish as they have grown a lot since last visit, the news was on on the flat screen in the nail bar, and we were all saying how crazy it was that roads, planes & trains all come to a standstill in UK as soon as we get a bit of snowfall, where as country's who have much worse  snow like Canada etc cope OK. 

For god's sake if planes/choppers can drop research people in the Antarctic, how the hell can we be trapped on roads or have trains & planes cancelled?? disgusting, Airports should have their own salt/grit piles & snow ploughs (they rake enough money in in excess baggage charges etc) its crazy winters were always like this in the 70's 80's when I was a kid, with past milder winters, councils & airports etc have got complacent!! 

Why could steam trains in the 1800's get through snow, when today's with their heated electric tracks can't?? Why can't there be removable snow plough shovels fitted to the front of trains at the 1st warnings of snow (like the ones on front of steam trains) so they shovel snow off tracks from the off when it 1st starts to snow, keeping lines clear as snowfall gets heavier? must be cheaper to make those, than to pay back compensation for cancelled trains & lose train fares!!

Had my nails painted black again, with holistic, China Glaze Glitter, over the top, which made it sparkle blue, green, red, orange, gold, silver like stars in the night sky!! They made me a coffee & gave me a few Xmas chocs lol, and as I was leaving gave me a Xmas prezzie of a hand cream & big chunky nail file in a gold gift bag (that was nice!!!) popped into Pound Land & spent £2 on two magic scarves they are £12-£18 each in other shops. Below is a link for JML's magic Scarf at £14.99 & all the ways to wear it if you have a Pound Land near you theirs is just as good & only £1

JML's Magic Scarf

Got in & had a diet coke & filed away all my proof of postage's from Post Office in relevant folder, put a black wash in the machine & collected all the dry laundry to either put away or put to one side to iron, made another coffee & had a few more chocs watched EastEnders, checked my Emails Annabelle's wigs have replied they are going to exchange Dolly for Andreanna, which is great news, I then chilled with the paper. 

 Dolly

Andreanna

Another coffee & a few more choc's later I watched the fantastic V, I missed it last week while at Candie's, so had to catch up not sure when the leaders daughter joined up with the 5th Column revolution? 

Then I watched Alan Carr's Chattyman, with Cheryl Cole as guest, she looked pretty but murdered her acoustic version of "Promise This" in spite of some auto-tune & echo on mike! She had a cut out sides dress & held a cushion over midriff when realised she needed to sit on sofa in it, worried about the flab hanging out love?? (there is nothing of her, but apparently she wants to lose 9lb before starting being a judge on Americans Xfactor!!) Then she sang her new single "The Flood" apt as blood was flooding out of my ears until that noise stopped!! 

Then I chilled out in bed watching Medium before settling down for the night. Suddenly realising my entire consumption for the day was 2 diet decaf cokes, a few decaf coffee's a cappuccino & 400g of Assorted M&S chocolates, lol must be Christmas!!

Tuesday 21st Dec, Had a really long complex dream, don't recall much, except I had a boyfriend & was on a few dates, I'd moved flat & was chatting to a past Turkish landlady, who was being very nice, Prince William was in it at some point, not sure whether he was my boyfriend in it at any point or not?

Got up & got my redelivered parcel at 9.30am. It was from my Brother Bill & his wife, with 3 presents inside it, one from my nephews Alex & Andrew, one from niece's Jessica & Katy & one from Bill & wife Karen. It doesn't seem to have snowed again overnight & temperatures have gone up, as water is pouring down over the edge of my roof, where the snow is melting (oh great if the temperatures drop again that's going to turn into black ice!!) I don't want to end up with a few stitches in my head like last year, thanks to black ice!!

 Before

After

I had a wash & washed hair did make-up & wore Elle olive leggings, with long black leg warmers, under my long, flat, black boots, my cream DKNY turtle neck, with my long calf length black cardigan, wore my cream magic scarf & panda/polar bear bobble hat & went for a long walk round the snow covered park & frozen lake, it looked so beautiful, gutted that I had no camera to capture it with, as I broke my digital camera at Zombie film shoot (Houseparty Of The Dead 6) 

Some idiot teens were standing on the frozen lake, planning to skate when it was obviously thawing. One went through the ice!! luckily he was near the edge, so only went through up to his chest if he was further out he'd be in trouble!! It was by falling through ice on that very pond as a child & swallowing the dirty pond water, that Professor Stephen Hawking's got Motor neurons disease!!!

Stephen Hawking

After a few hours of walking I went to get 2 identical wreaths (one to put on mum & dads grave & one to hang at home as a kind of connective link) also bought the last part of Nat & Terry's Christmas Presents by then it was 3.45pm and my belly was rumbling as I'd not eaten today, so I popped into J K Palmer's & had a tuna melt jacket potato, and cappuccino, I was going to walk down to mum & dads grave after but it's a 45min - 1hr walk there & the same back & with the snow/ice covered pavements probably a 1hr to 90min walk each way & it was starting to get dark already, think maybe I should do tomorrow before going to Candies or leave going to Candies until Thurs?? 

Got home wrapped Nat & Terry's prezzies & put them with other stuff to take to Candies, TV is shite tonight & anything that looked good on TV guide tonight wasn't actually on (typical at this time of year, for some reason Christmas TV guides are as reliable as British TV Weathermen reports!!!) 


Read the Paper rubbish inner page of Vivienne Westwood wrapping paper Crap design & on newspaper paper so looks ultra cheap! 12 Asians have been arrested in connection to a Christmas Mumbai - style, Terror Plot (Vile Scum) 5 in Wales, the others in London, Birmingham & Stoke-on-Trent fast action was needed to ensure public safety as the attacks were imminent. Some people in Wales were given a warning of an imminent attack & was told if caught up in a shopping centre shooting not to run to the exits for safety as they would probably be booby trapped with bombs (showing what murdering scum they are) warnings were going out amid friends on Facebook. We need capital punishment for these filth not cushy jail sentences in cushy jails, they are NOT a deterrent!!! More on stranded people at airports (don't get me started on that one!!) 

Everyone seems to be texting, emailing, tweeting, inboxing or writing on my Facebook wall, that they have seen me on Sky1's Ad/Trailer for "Louie Spence's Showbusiness" I'm apparently the only person from our group of 9 that featured on the trailer, it's a shot from the Garden Party, at Nerissa's & I'm laughing holding a glass of wine. Annoyingly I can't see it, as I only have Freeview TV, as I can't afford to splash out on TV packages at mo!! Hope the others aren't put out that I'm the only one of us on trailer. The 1st episode apparently air's on Jan 5th (Wednesday)

 7 Of The 9 Of The Showbusiness Gang

Louie Spence

Wednesday 22nd Dec, Had a complex long dream where in one part of it I was getting married & it was a double wedding!!There was lots of other stuff with celebrity's & party's (I have a fabulous social life!!......... in my dreams!!) I think Prince William was in there somewhere too, yet again!!

I got dressed, then chatted to Candie on the mobile, about me coming over to hers on Thursday, rather than today. I wrapped up warm in my long, flat, black boots, long coat & woolly hat, got hold of my wreath & began the 1hr 30min walk to the Cemetery got to the grave & laid my wreath, the plant my sister Julie took down (the Sunday they dropped my presents round!) probably a poinsettia, had died already in the cold snow. Stood chatting to my parents at their grave, telling them how much I missed them & what I'd been doing lately, then as it was already dark I started back on the 90min walk home, stopping on the way to stroke a couple of horses in a field. 

Got back into town bought final present for Nicky & popped into Starbucks & got a cappuccino, plus a blueberry & seed yogurt very tasty (189cals) then popped & got last Xmas prezzie for Nicky, then went home & wrapped them up, then fixed dinner steamed salmon & mangetout yummy!! 

Read the paper the piece of trash that calls himself The Crossbow Cannibal (Stephen Griffiths) says he has killed loads more than the last 3 female victims we know about, he is still on hunger strike refusing food & drink, good let him die then we are saving tax payers money on feeding him & also freeing up a cell for more criminal vermin!! 

Talking of which Abu Hamza's daughter-in-law has been arrested trying to smuggle a sim card into him, which suggests he has a mobile hidden somewhere in his cell. More on the swine flu & flu epidemic, I think both Candie & I have had Swine Flu, luckily her kids were less affected than we were (we still aren't fully recovered) waiting for results on it. 


Zara Phillips is getting married to her Rugby man Mike Tindall (I'm often told I look like Zara) which I can see more than the comparisons with Stacey Solomon 

 Zara Phillips

The  Parents of Missing Joanna Yeates, made a heartbreaking weeping TV appeal, to beg anyone if they have her, to let her go. Poor Jo vanished after a Christmas drink last Friday, while her boyfriend was away for the weekend, in Sheffield, visiting family. The circumstances are bizarre and wreak of fowl play, her shopping, bought the last time seen alive, was there (but not a pizza, bought in Tescos, though it was not eaten there, as none of the packaging is in the inner or outer bins?) her coat, house keys & mobile were also left behind in the flat, most odd. I have a uneasy feeling she will be found by Christmas dead, I do hope I'm wrong!!

Joanna Yeates

Watched the Celebrity Come Dine With Me Christmas Special, DJ Goldie, Susie Amy from "Footballers Wives" Janet Ellis "Blue Peter" presenter & mum to Sophie Ellis Bexter, plus Tony Christie, very funny Goldies son Danny use to work for/with me in !CE Bar & Goldie also hit on my friend Andrea, his two adorable Huskies looked mega cute in their Reindeer antler headbands. Had a fairly early night as I'm off to Candies in the morning!!

Thursday 23rd Dec, Had a really busy complex dream, which I can no longer recall on waking, except for it was long with a lot going on!! My throats really sore, but at last I'm clearing my nose and sinuses, so my head should be less muzzy & I will hopefully have less headaches, the tests are back and the results are that Candie & I have Swine Flu (no wonder I've felt so piggin rough for 8 weeks!!) 

I had a coffee & porridge with blueberry's for breakfast, wore olive Elle leggings with peach polo neck, my long flat black boots & did a natural make-up pulled on Panda hat & long coat & popped into Letting agents to pay Novembers rent, now I have to somehow scrape together enough to pay Decembers, hopefully before end of December, to get up to date (electric & gas bills will have to wait!!) 


Came home & packed my case for my stay at Candies nothing glam (unless you count my black jersey Jane Norman, heaving cleavage, shirt dress?) as we wont be out partying so its all warm comfy stuff (mostly leggings) that can be crushed down small in case, to make room for me to put in my presents from my brother & sister, plus my presents for Candy, Nat & Terry. 

Had 4 Dutch Krisprolls with Humus & a caffeine free diet coke, to keep the tummy grumbles away, checked the heating etc was turned off & left a few lights on, to deter those looking for somewhere to burgle. Then trundled off with my BIG case, my favourite Salvador Feragamo handbag, and the big Christmas present, from my sister Julie under my arm! Trundling along the icy pavements of St Albans to the 712 bus stop. I got there at 4.38pm, the bus is due 5pm (normally late) but as its the last one I didn't want to risk it coming early (like it did at Brent Cross Thursday) and missing it as they don't run tomorrow!! So I sat reading the paper until the 712 arrived. 

The Crossbow Cannibal is on the front page (bet he is loving that, the freak!!) it is feared he may have killed 14, he told an ex he would kill one day & he would not stop until he killed one more than the Yorkshire Ripper (so she is willing to tell the paper that, why the hell didn't she tell the police ages ago when she was with him hearing that?? It may of saved some or all of those poor girls!!) Amanda Judson said he planned it from his teen aged years, adding "I understood one day he would do something really awful, but I always thought he would hurt people, who had done bad things to him in the past!!" (Oh that's OK then!! No need to warn anyone about him!!) She left him after being freaked out when he told her he had skinned his pet rat alive (the vile bastard!!) So him saying he intended killing one more than the Yorkshire Ripper wasn't enough to put her off, but the barbaric murder of a rat was??




Judge James Pickles has died aged 85yrs he use to chat up Candie & I & buy us drinks in China's, in the West End years ago, when we were in our 20's!! Also the last pics of missing Joanna Yeates in Waitrose, poor girl hope they find her!

 Judge Pickle's

Amazingly the 712 arrived bang on time & the journey to Brent Cross was quite swift, but as I got to the 102 stop the 102 had just pulled out, bugger I thought, but a few moments later there was another one ahh good ol'e London in St Albans I'd have a 30-60min wait for the next bus! got to Candies shattered & dying for a pee but Costa was in the bath so I had to cross my legs & grit my teeth for a bit! Had a bowl of pasta with vegetables & a coffee to warm up & Candie & I were talking about Joanne who's been in the papers & on the news, missing feared abducted (most odd scenario!!) saying how odd the whole thing was & how awful!

I played Triomino's with Xavier (a triangular domino's type game) which he lost interest in when he didn't win the 1st game lol.... 

Watched the soaps EastEnders & Coronation Street, then Kerry Katona the next chapter, love her or loathe her, CAN Associates certainly have helped her begin to turn her life around (they can represent me any day!!) 

Kerry After & Before CAN

Then we watched several Celebrity Juices the Christmas Special is hysterical, especially Leigh Francis, as Keith Lemon, as Santa!! Then Candie & I took ourselves off to bed as the boiler stopped & we couldn't get it started so no heating brrrrr so read paper in bed, Costa Came back from his Greek, Business, Christmas Dinner & got it going again hurahhhhhh!!

Friday 24th Dec (Christmas Eve) Had a very busy dream about fashion designing. I woke at 9am & lay in bed with a sore throat while Candie, Xavier & Costa went about their morning ablutions, then got up, Xavier went to the office with Costa at 9.30am & Candie popped to the shops, to get a few last min prezzies for the kids, while I kept an eye on Tiger 6. I asked her to get something for Tiger & Xavier from me, while out, as she would know what they like, or already have better than I & I'd pay her after. I got dressed in the same Elle olive leggings as yesterday, a ivory turtle neck with gathered leg of mutton sleeves, my silver lurex cardigan and my long flat black, flat boots & put my hair back into a pony tail with a hair piece.

She text me that she had got the boys there gifts from me, she just was off to her hairdressers for a blow dry, then to M&S for some shopping & she'd see me in a bit. I asked her to get me a Sun Paper while out. I made some toast with cheese & coleslaw for brunch, as I had the munchies. Candie Came home & showed me the book & crystal ball looking, large bouncy ball with filaments inside which lit up with blue & red lights when bounced, for Tiger & the realistic looking Camera that squirts water (very Xavier) 

Candie said I looked very lady of the Manor today, a kind of modern day Margo (The Goodlife) we watched "Dog The Bounty Hunter" Candie fancies Dog & his son Leoland, pml only Candie!! We then wrapped up a load of the kids presents, while Xavier was out with Costa & Tiger was distracted by his ipad.


Costa got back around 5ish and decided he was going to cook a Greek lamb dish for himself & Xavier (Candie & I are Vegetarian) Candie & I had some Cauliflower Cheese & Veg instead and we had a Bottle of Champagne, One of their married female neighbours called by (invited in for Xmas drink earlier by Costa) and was forced to have some of his lamb to eat despite just about to have dinner with her husband herself, the way Greek, Italian & my family, try to force feed you, the moment you step in the door. 

She was talking how QVC had offered her a job on their site but with her background she turned it down (a reporter/presenter on CNN & Life Coach on GMTV among other things) I was saying how I'd love a chance to be one of the QVC people as I am excellent at sales & can talk the hind legs off a donkey. Her husband is a film director, he is about to do a film based on Eurovision (A passion of Candies & mine!) I think you can't be a Fag Hag & NOT LOVE the Campness that is Eurovision!!! Candie told her neighbour about me being on Louie Spence's Showbusiness on Jan 5th & I was telling her about, auditioning new members of my band Evil Barbie & The Ken-Dolls. 

Costa opened another Champagne, saying there was plenty of it, and topped me up with my 2nd glass, and the conversation changed to Kate Moss moving in just around the corner, Les Dennis moved into the house opposite Candie's, when he broke up with Amanda Holden. The next door neighbour left & I went to watch the 2nd Corrie of the night while Candie put Tiger to bed, while Costa cleared the table with Xavier, Xavier put a spoon in the bottle to stop the Champagne losing its fizz overnight. Costa asked me why people do that? & I said it had something to do with the bubbles reacting with the metal that keeps it fizzy, Candie called Xavier up for bed after putting out a Carrot for Rudolph & a Baileys for Santa. Costa sat at the table with the ipad (now Tiger free) & had a bit more Champers, while I read the paper. 

More on the Crossbow Cannibal refusing food & drink (good let him die & clear up some more space, for another vile criminal) Also there is a bit about my friend ex Satanic Slut, Georgina Baillie, dating Adam Ant, well I knew he was working on some stuff with her, for her new band Maria Maria's album, but that's a new development if its true!! (he kissed me once, when I was in the audience, at one of his concerts in Brighton in the 80's)

Adam & Georgina

More on missing Jo, missing Tesco Pizza is a vital clue to case. Plus Ann Summer's boss Jacqueline Gold has been poisoned by her nanny who was putting screenwash in her food (to think that psychopath was looking after her child!!) 


Some Vile Sicko was being hunted after posting  a video on YouTube of him putting two helpless kittens in a vacuum bag & connecting it to a vacuum nozzle & sucking all the air out suffocating & crushing them & he then takes out their poor little lifeless body's & throws them on the bed, there is a Facebook group to find the scum, believed to be English by look of room, the RSPCA & PETA are actively following up leads, I'd like to put one of those bags over his head fasten it round his neck & suck out the air!! That's the kind of scum that grows up to be like the Crossbow Cannibal!!

 How Could You Murder Anything This cute??

Once kids were asleep, Candy brought down, the really good 3 level Garage with lift, barrier, car wash & curved ramps that she & Xavier had put together earlier, in the spare room, for Tiger, we put it and all the other presents, round the tree. 


Once that was done We watched The Only Way Is Essexmas, Can't stand that Lauren Goodger, she is absolutely vile to that lovely Lucy with no good reason (other than jealousy) the only Good thing about her is, the 1st half of her surname!! 

Lauren

Mark is handsome but has the brains of a rocking horse & personality of a dish cloth. I punched my fist in the air when Lucy Meck dumped him, with dignity (she was too good for him!!) & scoffed when he told Lauren that he'd ended it with Lucy (when the reverse was true) 

Lucy Meck

Poor old Arg who Lydia gives a hard time to, is the only decent guy on there, Lydia Bright has a odd, full cheeked hamster face, a bit like a pudgy faced version of the actress that was in The Railway Children & Man About The House, Sally Thomsett. Sometimes she looks pretty, other times (when she has lashes on too big for her eyes) she looks like a Tiny Tears Doll!

 Lydia & Arg

 Sally Thomsett

 Tiny Tears

Costa went to bed early (think all that Champagne has knocked him out) and Candie & I watched Celebrity Juice before also retiring to bed


Saturday 25th Dec (Christmas Day) Woke due to Father Christmas dropping a stocking on by bed & vanishing around 9am, Xavier came into my room shortly after to see me open my stocking (Candie told me later, he'd chosen the contents) Inside was 3 hair grips, a microfiber hair wrap for when you wash your hair, Imperial Leather, Softly Softly, Bath Cream & Simply Pure cleansing wipes (the boy knows me well)

We got dressed, Candie in a short black dress by Baby Ceylon & me in my Black Jersey, Jane Norman, Shirt Dress, then it was downstairs for Breakfast Smoked Salmon & Scrambled Eggs with Toast, we were meant to have it with Bucks Fizz but Costa & I (with my 2nd glass!) polished off all the Champagne the night before oops!! 

Then it was prezzie time & we opened prezzies one at a time to capture each ones moment on Costa's video recorder, Candie found her red nipple tassels, red sequinned thong & Santa hat where ho ho ho lit up funny & Xavier liked his trick camera that looks real but squirts water, and hopefully Tiger will like his Thomas The Tank Engine Book, he was more absorbed in his ipad than in any of his prezzies. Replied to a lot of Happy Christmas messages on my mobile from my friends.

From my sister Julie & Erdal I got a metal female form with hooks on & loops for wall mounting for putting necklaces & scarves on etc a Silver Light up Orchid Spray in Black Vase, both from Dunelm Mill (She must of wrapped them in a hurry, as both had price still on) & a pair of brown & gold Dolce & Gabbana Sunglasses.

From my Brother Bill & Wife Karen I got a pretty silver chain with square cut cubic zirconia droplet & matching Square cut ear studs, from Mood by Jon Richard, (which I put on) from his two daughters Katy & Jessica I got a creamy beige Chenille Scarf & Glove Set from Dorothy Perkins, and from son's Andrew & Alex I got a Cat Calendar.

We cleared away the wrapping paper & other packaging's & played with some of Xavier's toys. Candie got him a brilliant laminated card Electric guitar which plays a backing track & then you strum on it to play along, its really good Candie said if it goes down in the sales she will get another one & we will go up the South Bank Dressed up as rock stars & busk for a laugh!! (we are sooooo grown up!! NOT!!)

Flicked channels a bit (Typical Christmas TV either rubbish or repeats ----> most of which are also rubbish!!) except for the best ever Christmas Film "Scrooged" which I saw a snippet of. My sister Julie text at 2.54pm (which was unusual as she normally calls) saying "Happy Crimbo - hope your having a lovely day wherever you are & whatever your doing & thanks for the pressies x x x" Which I thought was a bit odd, as she knew I was at Candie's as she asked what I was doing for Christmas, last weekend when she dropped my prezzies off?? Maybe she sent it as a double text to both Bill & I??? I haven't heard from Bill, he hasn't even replied to my text a week ago that I'm on Louie Spence's Showbusiness, mind you maybe I shouldn't be surprised, he told me once if I was on Big Brother, he wouldn't bother watching me and the other talentless losers. Not sure what time to text/call him is best, as not sure if he, or his ex wife, has the 3 kids in the morning or afternoon & I don't want to interrupt family time.

 Brother Bill

We saw the Queens Speech, then saw the Start of Shrek The Third (a Shrek I haven't seen) at 3.10pm & then later turned off TV to go to the dinner table at 3.30pm Had a tasty dinner of roast Potatoes, Parsnips, Carrots & Onions with Cauliflower Cheese, with cranberry & bread sauce (Xavier, Costa & Tiger had Turkey) washed down with white wine. We were too full for Christmas pud & put TV on at 5pm as the Gruffalo was going off (lol 2nd year in a row I've missed that animation!!)

Watched the news more on that poor missing girl Joe who vanished the week before Christmas, just like I feared, she was found dead, today! Her body found by a roadside too frozen to do a post mortem yet. Candie was feeling rough (like me she is still not fully over the swine flu) so she went to bed for a bit around 5.15pm Costa cleared the table with Xavier & put stuff in the dish washer. I made Candie a Green tea for her throat & took it up to her. 

Tried texting Karen Bills Wife Happy Christmas, & thanking them for the presents as she seems to contact me more than Bill these days, (he never responded to my text to him about Showbusiness starting on January 5th a week ago) but I had no more credit on my phone after messaging all my friends back to return their Christmas texts & there were no shops open. Couldn't reply to Nat or other friends that sent me additional texts either.

Costa lit a log fire in the lounge with Xavier's eager help & put on Nazi Collaborators at 7pm on Yesterday & promptly fell asleep so with him asleep downstairs & Candie asleep upstairs I watched Coronation St & Louie Spence's Christmas message on sky1 & finally saw myself on the promo Advert!! While keeping an eye on the kids.


Candie Came down at 9pm just in time to watch The Royal Family Christmas Special & Costa woke up in time to see it too, quite funny but not really my kinda thing, if I'm honest. Then we watched new show "Come Fly With Me" quite amusing  but not rip-roaringly funny like Little Britain use to be!! Xavier didn't quite cotton on that all the Characters were the same two men (even the women) had some cheese & biscuits as I had the munchies with some Port, Candie went up to bed along with Xavier. Watched the "Greatest Christmas Adverts" with Costa he went up to bed after reading a bit of the Alan Sugar Biography Candie got him for Christmas. 

I went to bed shortly after, without receiving a Happy Christmas text from my Brother Bill or his wife Karen. I know they have yet to get their presents from me, as there are lots and they are too heavy for me to be able, to afford to post in a big container, but I thought I'd at least get a Happy Christmas, I know they didn't get one from me but I tried to text them, but had run out of credit & their phones are contract not pay as you go, so wont have the same problem, oh well!.


Sunday 26th December, lazed in bed until 10am as Candie, Costa & the kids had also laid in, got up & had a coffee & chatted to Candie, Xavier went out with Costa to cut some Logs etc, I popped over the shop & got myself a NOTW Paper & some Diet Cokes plus some Lucazade's & Rennie for Candie & topped up my mobile to text Bill & Karen Happy Christmas. Came back & gave Candie the cash for the kids prezzies now that I had split the £20 in my purse. 


Text Karen my Happy Christmas & thanks for presents message that I tried to send yesterday (adding that I'd tried to send but had run out of credit) then chilled and read the Sunday Paper.Karen text back at 12.26pm "So plsd u like ur pressies June ;) kids came yest4 theirs then went 2 C's sister in aft. Alex is relly coming on now & has some noisy toys 2 play with. We'r going 2c my Mum & Dad 2day - turkey sandwich any1? Njoy ur time with Candie & her family June. Say Merry Christmas from all of us. Love Karen xx"  

Then I got hungry & went & fixed myself some left over cauliflower cheese & roast veg from yesterday & re heated in the microwave (as Candie isn't feeling hungry while ill) Washed down with Tia Maria & Diet Coke. Candie said we might go to Nat & Terry's today yesterday, but she's feeling rough & Costa has the car, text Nat Candie said they could come over any time today or tomorrow if they wanted, as she is feeling poorly & has no car. Nat said they were off to his sisters in Birmingham tomorrow & they couldn't come right now as they were waiting for guests to turn up, I said no worries whenever they can there is presents under the tree for them from me. He said he had mine there waiting for me too! 


Later Costa & Xavier came back with logs & then Costa disappeared back out in the car again, watched Charlie & The Chocolate Factory with Candie & Xavier (the Johnny Depp version) Tiger was absorbed with his ipad. Then Candie went to have a bath as the base of her spine was hurting & she was feeling ropey! so I kept an eye on Tiger & Xavier until Costa popped in & he and Xavier went out yet again, Costa is like a yo yo back & forth full of nervous energy needing an outlet. Later he called Candie from the Indian & asked us if we wanted a curry brought home, I went for a King Prawn Curry & Rice which was very tasty indeed, washed down with some wine. 


Watched EastEnders & then Benidorm (not as funny as expected) also after all the hype about Louie Spence being on it, he was only on screen a few seconds. The kids went to bed, then we watched Candies fave film "Love Actually" & at every romantic act by a guy to a girl we'd turn to each other & go "nothing like that ever happens to me!" which made me laugh as Costa was in the room. We then all went to bed, the papers & TV guides have had today down as Boxing day, which is in fact incorrect, Boxing Day is actually on Tuesday as the rules are you can't have Boxing Day on a Sunday or Bank Holiday so Boxing Day is actually on Tuesday!!.