Sunday, 15 May 2011

May Day.... Over, Birthdays Begin!!

Monday 2nd May (May Day) Bank Holiday  I eventually got to sleep at 3-3.30am (bloody insomnia!!) only to be rudely awoken by a text from Nicky at 4.53am saying 'Osama Bin Laden dead!' Well that's great news, but couldn't it have waited until 9-10am?? Finally I got back to sleep around 5.45am then woke at 7am, I can't recall any dream, if I had one, to be honest no doubt due to only having had 2 3/4 hrs - 3 1/4hrs of disturbed sleep. I had a bath & then made a fresh fruit salad for breakfast, followed by a coffee with 2 chocolate rice cakes. 

Then I slipped on my grey & white 3/4 gym trousers & my D&G cat camisole vest top & my Reebok EasyTone white trainers & got to the gym at 9am. Being a Bank Holiday the gym was busier than usual at 9am & I saw some familiar faces I'd not seen for some time, so I caught up for a bit of a chat at the water fountain, before doing 5mins of squats on the  Powerplate. While seeing most of the gyms big screens, filled with different stations reporting on the death of Bin Laden!

Then I did 30mins on the cycle, on Random, on level 10, 30mins on the treadmill, on Random, on level 10, 20mins on the cross trainer, on level 10, then 100reps on the hip adaptor pushing OUT & 100reps on the hip adaptor pushing IN. Then I filled my water bottle again & did yet another 5min of squats on the powerplate, 30mins on the cycle, on hill, level 10, 30mins on the treadmill, on hill, on level 10, then another 20mins on the cross trainer, on level 10, then 200 more reps on the hip adaptors & then I finished with another 5mins on the powerplate doing squats.

 My D&G Camisole Vest

I then walked home, buying a Sun newspaper en route, the death of ex Boxer Henry Cooper was on the front page. I can feel the throw me off balance effect, much better in my EasyTone Reebok's than in my TrimSole thongs. I made a lunch of jacket potato, with chive cottage cheese, a green salad & 2 slices of haloumi yummm! All washed down with diet ginger beer. 

It's my favourite Aunts Birthday tomorrow, I hope the card I posted Thursday arrives OK, with all the Bank Holidays. I hoovered the hall & stairs & did the washing up then put a grey & blue wash in the post. Then I went online to check my Facebook, Twitter & Hotmail Messages, then I did some job searches & applied for a bunch of jobs in retail, then some audition searches & sent off for a bunch of those too. Then I went outside in the sunshine around 4pm & did some weeding in my little bit of garden & cleared the fag butts & litter people had dropped in it (Thanks!!)

At 7pm after 'Home & Away' I made some home-made tomato & butternut squash chilli, with £1 veg from the market, which I had on a bed of fresh egg noodles, washed down with a diet ginger beer. I did the washing up after, then watched the soaps followed by 'Young Rich & Househunting' which people on Twitter judging by my time-line seemed horrified by for some reason, where as I wasn't at all!!  Maybe it's due to my childhood, being brought up around the aristocracy. 

To be honest the bunch on tonight's show, seemed tame & fairly grounded compared to many I've come across. In fact, I quite fancied the Essex lad, even with his Ugg boots!! Then it was time for the excellent 'Hotel Inspector' Then I watched 'CSI' & 'NCIS' & the fantastic 'The Event' before reading the paper with a coffee & a couple of chocolate rice cakes before retiring for the night! 

There's lots still in the paper about behind the scenes at the Royal Wedding & the reception afterwards. News that Ryan Gigs has admitted to his wife that he cheated with Imogen Thomas, after she became suspicious after rumours on the Internet that it was in fact him (I knew about it being him & about the actor who went with Rooney's Hooker long before it hit the net by a good source & then a 2nd very reliable source confirmed it in my inbox)

 Ryan Giggs - Could That Poster Be Any More Apt!?

A scumbag, drug dealing, mum has been cheating benefits out of more than £60,000 (On top of money earned drug dealing heroin) for benefits for 3 children she invented (Don't these benefits offices chase up & check on claims? and ask for birth certificates for children claimed for??) Meanwhile there's muggings here, doing everything by the book, while looking for work & struggling to pay rent & bills. It seems she did have a son & daughter, but continued to claim for them, by phone four years after they had been taken into care. Then she claimed for a further 3 fake ones, also by phone (Why was she not asked to send in photo copies of their 3 birth certificates??) She even said they were disabled to coin in more money!!! Unfuckingbelievable!!!

In the total opposite direction Ex-soldiers have flown out a fantastic camouflage ice cream van to Afghanistan for our brave boys, working & fighting out there. It's just what they need in the sweltering heat. A para Sergeant & 2 friends spent nearly £30,000 from savings to buy the van & fly it out, much more than the last government ever did for them! Lets hope despite the mess Labour left this country & it's funds in that The Alliance can do at least something for our boys (Unlike Labour who just, started a war & then sent them out unequipped!!) the girl servers have handed out 18,000 ice creams in a week, our boys & local kids getting theirs free & US troops paying £1.30 a cone. I often send a postage free, chocolate parcel to friends platoons, fighting in Afghanistan & Iraq at Christmas. As although hot in the day, it's icy cold there at night especially in the mountains!  

There is a certain irony that Lifeboat Heroes, who rely solely on donations, have rescued a yob on a sinking fishing boat, who stole RNLI (Royal National Lifeboat Institution) money from their donation tin, in a football clubhouse while burgling it!! Also stealing money collected for a handicapped youngster (What a charmer!!) He was facing charges on the theft, when the fishing boat he was working on began to sink (Karma!!?) In the end a Royal Navy Sea King helicopter winched him to safety, sadly! I'd like to think that has made him see the light & change his ways ..... but somehow I doubt it!!

The Royal Wedding Day In St Albans

There was also a centre section in the paper ,on how many areas neighbours, have been united, through street party's for Prince William & Kate's wedding. Apparently there were 298 street parties in Hertfordshire!! Really?? Well there were NONE unfortunately in central St Albans!! See above!! (Calories consumed 1,996 but I did do a lot of exercises, so don't feel too bad!!)

Tuesday 3rd May (Auntie Babs Birthday) I fell asleep some time after 3.30am & woke at 7am I dreamt I was with Candie at a Spa (Maybe The Grove?) I was in a black strapless swimming costume & had a green towel wrapped round my hair, turban style, we'd been in the sauna & steam room & jacuzzi so I had the towel on to protect my hair from going limp, we were in the changing room and the towel became a, green towelling bath turban, I took it off & looked in the mirror & my hair was long & curly and reddish blonde & I seemed to look like, or be Nichole Kidman, Candie dragged me out of the changing room, into a bar area in the building (Still in just my strapless black swimsuit) Which fortunately I was slim in. 

 With a Towel On Turban Style

She went up to a guy who seemed to have a child, I think he may have been a single parent & she pulled out bundle, upon bundle of notes & gave them to him, there must of been ten's of thousands of pounds there. She wanted to sit & chat & have a drink & I recalled we'd walked out of the changing room, leaving our lockers open & my bag & purse was in there & although I have hardly anything in my purse, it was all I had, and my ATM cards were in their & though my bank is practically empty (Maybe £40 in there, that's all I have to my name, if its taken!!) I convinced Candie to go back, but it just became a maze of corridors, like my old school in Sussex & we were lost, with no idea where the changing rooms were, which stressed me, as I didn't want my bag stolen. Candie didn't seem bothered, but as she had handed thousands of pounds to some guy, so I guess she had her purse on her. Then it turned into Dickens & Jones in Regent Street.

Dickens & Jones

I woke at 7am, thinking my dreams are weird, while I lay in bed, as I had cramp in my legs, so I took the new painkillers & then fell asleep again, around 8ish, until 9am & dreamt about the hoover I found left for bin-man its hose was full of mud & I thought 'so that's why it isn't sucking up properly!' I got up at 9am & had a wash. Today is my favourite Aunties, birthday, I hope she got her card I sent Thursday OK, as the post office said they couldn't guarantee it would, because there would be a Bank Holiday backlog already, with more Bank Holidays coming up before her birthday! They said the only way could guarantee that it would, is if I sent it next day guaranteed delivery, but that's over £5, they said the same about my brothers birthday card for this Thursday too. 

I dressed the same as yesterday, had sugar free Alpen with soya milk for breakfast & went to the doctors for my 10am appointment, to get more HRT tablets & have my quarterly blood tests, to check how my red & white blood cells are doing, renewal wise, as my immune system has still not fully recovered after it was badly damaged by double pneumonia. Partly due to contracting a tumour, gallstones, swine flu etc not long after my pneumonia, before my immune system, has had a chance to fully build up & being depleted somewhat again. I'm hoping this next set of results, is going to be an improvement on the last lot.

My friend Rebecca was brilliant when I had double pneumonia, she really was my lifeline & got things like my prescriptions etc for me, as I was whey too weak & ill to be able to. My friend Nicky didn't come anywhere near me for months, saying she couldn't risk catching it & passing it on to her lovely frail dad (Despite the fact I repeatedly informed her, that you cannot catch pneumonia off of someone, you can only contract it!!) I just got the occasional text from her saying 'Oi Chucky ain't you out of bed yet? come on, I need a drinking buddy!!' 

Not exactly what I needed, when my bed needed changing 10 times a day, due to cold sweats & having a wash bowl on the bed because I was constantly vomiting & shaking like someone with Parkinson's & often I was sat on the loo diarrhoea pouring out of me, while vomiting a clear jelly like, wallpaper paste, in the bath at the same time!! Which drains you totally of energy & caused many hallucinations. Bloody awful illness, before I got pneumonia, I just thought pneumonia, was like an extreme form of flu.... Oh boy was I in for a shock!! I didn't let mum know how seriously ill I was, until I was over the worst of it, as she was a pensioner just recovering from a operation herself & I didn't want her stressing over me, impeding on her own recovery.

So having someone reliable & understanding like Rebecca around was very fortunate, especially as she is very practical, she was a great comfort & also made me laugh, at a time I didn't feel much like it. I haven't seen Rebecca for a few years, but I do hope things are going well for her, whatever she's doing, who knows she might even be married now? She can seem quite stern & serious on first meeting, and being a tall 5ft 10" adds to that somewhat & at times I have had to walk on egg shells, as she can occasionally take things the wrong way, often totally not how they are meant at all, but underneath all that, is a genuinely thoughtful, very humorous, kind hearted, genuine person. You just have to break the ice & get to know her! 

I got my HRT prescription then went on to the gym & did the same work out as I did on Monday. I got home & had a late lunch of a jacket potato, with pineapple cottage cheese & a green salad with 3 Krisprolls spread with Quark. I did the washing up & then called my Auntie Babs, to wish her a Happy Birthday but the phone rang unanswered, I'm hoping that's because she's been taken out by her son/daughters/brother for her birthday & not due to her cancer treatment failing again & her being back in hospital! Bloody evil disease Cancer, All of my grandparents died from it. As did my dad & 85% of my uncles/aunts, plus my cousins are fighting breast & colon cancer at present! 

Which is why it was a relief, when my tumour was removed, to find out it was benign! I watched 'Home & Away', then 'EastEnders' & had dinner, with a starter of 2 slices of Leedermeer cheese spread with peanut butter & rolled, while I made my main, of fresh egg noodles, with pesto for my main, plus fresh fruit salad & a blob of total natural Greek yoghurt for desert. Then with some irony, after my large dinner, I watched 'Supersized V Superskinny', followed by 'CSI' then a very odd documentary film called 'Catfish' 

The real story about an American guy who starts up a relationship on the Internet & on turning up half way across America unannounced, discovered things are far from what they seemed (Idiot, I am always sceptical online, before I'd meet anyone I'd have to see them on a web cam 1st to prove they are who they claim to be!) 

Then I read the paper with a decaf coffee & 2 chocolate rice cakes before crashing out for the night. The front page of course was all about the Death of Bin Laden (Hurahhhhh!!) The news talked of him being shot dead in his 'Luxury' $1million home in Pakistan. Luxury!!? It looked like a F**king Shit Hole, like the tatty back of a Take Away Kebab House!! The Inside surely must be different for them to call it luxury!!?

 Only A Madman Would Pay $1Million For This!!!

Apparently he was shot in the head in his bedroom while trying to use his wife as a human shield, the gutless scum! (Funny how the Terrorist top guys, so keen to create the army of brain washed martyrs, are not keen to become martyr's themselves & are gutless cowards & hypocrites! She was also killed. He was quickly bagged in a weighted bag, and dropped in the Ocean, for a sea burial keeping in line with the Muslim faith to bury a body within 24hrs after death. Also meaning no Terrorist Scum, could make pilgrimages to his grave!!

It says US President Obama watched the whole thing, via cameras worn on the troops helmets. Ironic how close the two names are Obama/Osama just one letter in it! wonder how that pans out numerology wise!!?? Inside the paper, there were pictures of the bedroom where Bin Laden was shot! It looks even more of a shit hole than the outside!! If that's $1Million worth of luxury home in Pakistan I'd hate to see, the home of a sweat shop/call centre worker!! I think some Paki Estate Agent screwed Bin Laden, long before the US troops did!! He could of done with a 60 minute makeover!!

All Those Wives & Still He Couldn't Find One Good At Housework

Pakistan must of known that Mass Murdering Bastard was on their soil, he was living a mere 100yds from their Military Academy. Meanwhile they're happily taking £650Million in aid from us. It's about time we cut their £££ line. No doubt much goes to those it's not meant for in such a corrupt country. Probably even to fund Terrorism, even their cricket players are con artists! It's about time we snapped closed the purse & gave the British Bulldog its bollocks back!!! Cameron would definitely be guaranteed another 5yrs in office if he grew the balls to do that!

Let Me Have Something To Lick Again!!

A Chinese couple & their two daughters, have been mysteriously stabbed to death, in their home in Northampton on Sunday. The reason at the moment is a mystery, my guess is it will be to do with drugs, or to owing money to Triads (or both!) On a lighter note there was an adorable picture, of An overweight, Lion, Tiger & Bear who are all friends & are on a diet together, in one picture the bear was cuddling the tiger.... Awwwwwwe!!! The 3 who became friends when saved as cubs, reside in a rescue centre in Georgia US. (Calories consumed 1,787 hmmm but with calories burnt in gym it comes to under 1,387)

Wednesday 4th May, Woke at 7.45am after a fitful restless sleep, my body is obviously suffering from stress of late, because my hands are shaking like an Alzheimer's patient, and my back jaw keeps locking/grinding. Oh for a moment of my life to be stress free the only time I recall being free from stress was the mid 80's to mid 90's. I wonder if that's what's causing this annoying neck shoulder pain & the dead arms & legs & cramps, or it's that that's causing the stress like symptoms?? who knows? It reminds me of how I was before my panic attack, that I had, a day after mum died, when I was home alone, it was horrible, it felt like my heart was coming out of chest. 

I had a shower & had breakfast of sugar free Alpen, with soya milk & a blob of Total Greek yoghurt, washed down with a decaf coffee. Then I dressed in my dark grey 3/4 gym trousers, & a dark blue long vest top over a shorter beige one & my Reebok EasyTone white trainers & headed off to my 9.30am doctors appointment to take my blood pressure & get some new pain killers. I spoke to them about my hands shaking & pins & needles in arms & hands, asking if it's connected to my neck/shoulder problems (Maybe a nerve trapped between disks in my neck?) She said she wasn't sure, but to bring it up in neck/shoulder pain appointment, with the doctor who has been giving me acupuncture, next Friday. I left the doctors with my painkiller prescription & my blood pressure fine (always is even when badly ill)  

I popped into the post office & posted 6 birthday cards (May is an expensive month) including my Brother Bills (That I decided to send guaranteed next day delivery) after the woman said she couldn't guaranteed it would get to him by Thursday 5th May, when I went in the post office on Thursday 28th August. Then headed I straight to the gym & did the same workout as Monday & Tuesday, with a black coffee before & half way through (As the caffeine speeds metabolism & makes you burn more fat/calories) Plus with an extra 30min cross trainer added on, as I thought the arm action, might work out some of the pain in my neck & shoulders (It didn't)

So I downed some of my pain killers with some of my water & headed home. I got in & made lunch of a grilled marinated Quorn steak, a jacket potato with some Quark inside & 3 Krisprolls. (I grilled 2 steaks, one was then left to go cold for dinner later) I did a load of job searches on InRetail & applied for a bunch & the same on my audition sites. Then after doing the washing up & putting in a dark wash & taking the grey/blue dry washing off the radiators, I watched 'Home & Away' then from nowhere, my heart started having huge rapid palpitations in my chest my arms & legs began trembling again & I had a massive panic attack, which was awful, it feels how I imagine a heart attack to feel, then after that came the silent sobbing for a hour (I guess that's just how the body's stress escapes?) 

Odd I thought the shaky hands this morning were like the 1st time I had a panic attack (The day after mum died, shortly after Bill & Karen went back to Julie's with Julie & Erdal) When I was home alone (A few weeks before I was diagnosed with Bereavement Reactive Depression) Candie thinks I'm still suffering with depression & the lack of NHS help, has not helped me. NHS care has no follow up & has just left me to get on things alone, with no letters or calls! I don't know if Candie is right or not? I don't know if I have depression still, or not? I know I'm tired & stressed, I came off the anti-depressants, because I had run out. 

But also because my depression doc called me & cancelled my due session with her, that was due just before my 1st Christmas without Mum. As she'd decided to go abroad in the lead up to Christmas. So I asked her, did I have to call the surgery reception, to rebook a different date to see her? & she said No I needn't bother, so I assumed she would contact me with a new appointment when she returned to England. 

But I never heard from her again, I could of committed suicide over Xmas for all she knew. I never bothered chasing her up for an appointment after January 2010 came & went without any word from her, as she'd done nothing to help me, other than pump me full of drugs, which just made me feel numb & slow & didn't help with the hurt, stress, confusion, guilt, plus the feelings off loss & abandonment, .

When the sobbing, finally slowed down, around 8pm I felt really exhausted, but by 9pm I felt hungry so I sliced up the grilled Quorn steak of earlier & tossed it in a bowl with chopped salad veg & some cracked Bulgar wheat & poured on some home made a yoghurt & lemon juice dressing & I watched the final TOWIE it was so scripted it was a joke (Do they really think we the viewers are that dumb as to think it's real!!?) It was obvious from the opening scenes when Mark said to 'fiancée' Lauren that she couldn't come to his 'Pool Party' night (even though everyone she knew & his ex dalliances would be there!) That of course she would end up going & after one of her fish-wife rants he would end up pushed fully dressed into the pool (which surprise, surprise, NOT!!..... is exactly what happened) 

Also exactly as expected the girl Sugar Hut owner Nick liked, would be sat near Gemma & of course she would 'accidentally' & wrongly assume that as Nick headed her way, with a bucket of Champagne, that it was for her, only for her to end up embarrassed with egg on her face! All so predictable!!.... Lydia's body looked amazing in her electric blue bikini/swimsuit though!!

 Lydia Bright

Shattered from the Panic attack, I went to bed at 10pm wondering what brought it on? Worry about my sick aunt who wasn't answering my phone call? Being in constant pain? Worry over Birthday Cards getting to their destination (My mail both sent & sent to me, has been abysmal the last few years, I wouldn't be surprised if it's still in a bag under the bed of a lazy postie!!) Worry over impending bills? or the impending anniversary of mum's sudden death on May 11th??

Shattered I had a few squares of dark chocolate, and finished my blog, 'Christ.... Is It Really Easter?? But being shattered I forgot to copy & paste it into my hotmail 1st & yet again!!! Blogger went and wiped my SAVED blog work from Friday to Sunday (Which was the bit about the Royal Wedding, Mikes BBQ plus Nicks 40th & the rest of the weekend!!) Which means I'm going to have to rewrite those 3 days again, oh Whoopee doo!! I have noticed this has happened since blogger added a NEW location editing option, in Blogger's blog editing window. So I have a sneaking suspicion, that it could be the cause, of both instances of my saved blogs, being wiped!! I half flicked through the Sun paper & before I crashed out in bed, totally drained at 10.30pm

Bin Laden was the front page news again as expected, the headline 'Bin Laden Unarmed, Just Like His 9/11 & 7/7 Victims'  More good news is that they got a huge haul of computers & memory sticks from the $1Million shit hole, which are being pored over by Us Agents, which could lead them to thousands of al-Qaeda Terrorists!!.....Lovely!!!  

More lovely news is that some Vigilante hero has posted RECENT pictures of child killer John Venables, on the Internet & the photos of his new identity have spread like wildfire, follow the genius at @CHRISukorg John Venables is said to now be called Paul John Williams & was working at Warrington Pizza Hut (lots of kids go there) Just before he was re arrested for child abuse Images!! More Info HERE

There was also a bit about a Theatre Nurse at West Wales, General Hospital, Carmarthen, quitting after she was discovered working as a hooker touting her 40DD boobs, I don't find a Nurse having to supplement their income shocking, even that they do so by prostitution, but what I do find shocking having seen 45yr Sharon Morgan, is that she got any clients at all!!

Hooker Nurse, Sharon Morgan

Jane Moore was spot on when she said its Ludicrous for Pakistan authority's to claim, that they had no idea that Bin Laden, was in the $1Million fortified compound 8 times the size of anything else, built amid the modest homes of ordinary people & only 100yrds from their Military Academy. For that to be true they have to be blind, stupid or both!!! 

A Chinese suicidal herbal remedies shop owner, Anixiang Du, is the suspect over the Chinese family of four who were stabbed to death, aster a business deal went sour. Freak! I'm guessing he was out of St Johns Wort!!! If he did it, Anixiang Du is obviously not exactly an advert for Herbal Remedies, no wonder business was bad!

While we are 'loosely' on the topic of health, Good News ladies, scientists say they have found a way to turn 'Bad body fat' into 'Good body fat' that actually Burns Off calories!! They found that blocking a protein linked to appetite not only curbed calorie intake but transformed body fat, making white fat which stores weight in the form of spare tyres/muffin tops etc changed into brown fat which burns energy (burning calories) Baby's have lots of brown fat but it decreases & vanishes by the time we are adults! Can't wait to hear further developments!!

A German Rent Boy said Murder suspect husband Dewani wanted out of his marriage! The Rent Boy said Shiren Dewani told him he was desperate to avoid marrying Anni 7months before they wed. A new male witness (Thought to be Rent Boy Leisser) said Dewani felt trapped, but couldn't escape or his family would disown him! An expert said if extradited Shiren risked being raped in South Africa's violent jails, as inmates perceived to be gay are particularly vulnerable!! Which would be a fitting result, IF he is guilty of lovely Anni's death!!!

(Calories consumed 1,536 but with the exercise calories burnt, I consumed about 1,126)

Thursday 5th May (My Brothers Birthday) Fell asleep around 2.30am & had a semi fitful sleep on & off until 11am, had two odd dreams I was in a house which seemed in the middle of the desert, as all I could see was nothing but sand as far as the eye could see, from the windows, that had no glass. Suddenly there was two Ninjas or Bedouin Arabs (Can't recall which) They seemed to be stalking & then jumping around, then I saw a small thin grey snake heading towards my house and the Ninjas/Arabs were attacking it with swords, it seemed to get bigger & thicker like a python as it neared my home, then it got very fat like when they swallow something like a pig. 

The Ninjas/Arabs continued to stab it with long sword like weapons, one shoved a sword down its open mouth into its guts via its throat, which made me cringe, then I woke & went back to sleep, then I was with the Greek love of my life and he was opening a fortune cookie, but as he broke it & unravelled it's fortune it kept on unravelling into a long Astrological reading & forecast for his sign Aquarius, but I woke before hearing it's contents.

I woke at 11am, with a bit of a panic attack, hang-over headache. Today is the Birthday of my Brother Bill & also the Birthday of  friends Julie, Dean & Andy. Lets hope Bills card arrives on time, as it cost me money I can ill afford to make sure he got it!! To prevent even more stress & grief from him, accusing me of not sending one, when I did, which is agro that I really don't need, on top of my other stresses!! If he doesn't get all his family's allotted 8-9 cards I'm in the dog house, (6 Birthday cards, a Christmas card, a Anniversary card & last year a Christening card) Lucky for him he only has to send 2 for me (1 Birthday & 1 Christmas card) and if one or both don't turn up as (as has been the case over the years at times) I just assume its the soddin post as usual, I don't get sarcastic, or aggressive over it, or assume it was never sent. 

Happy Birthday Everybody!!!

I took a couple of pain killers, then waited for them to kick in, to ease the panic attack hang-over, which is quite akin to a Migraine hang-over & eventually I got up at 11.30am, despite feeling a bit dizzy still. I had a wash & then went into the kitchen, to make breakfast. I had a bowl of Sugar Free Alpen, with Soya Milk & a dollop of Total Greek yoghurt, plus a coffee & 3 rice cakes spread with peanut butter. I sent Birthday messages to Julie, Dean & Andy on Facebook, then I did a load of job searches on InRetail website & applied for a bunch. I then did a bit more weeding, as it was a nice day out. Then I went to the local infants school to vote, if you want to know (or even if you don't) I voted Conservative & NO to AV!!

Then I went back indoors & did 60 squats, against the wall, with my Swiss ball in my back, as this panic attack hangover, is definitely not going to be improved, if I go to the gym today!! I took 3 more pain killers, as I was feeling physically sick, from the pain in my neck & shoulders today, as well as the pounding panic attack hang-over headache!! It got so bad I had to lie down for a hour or two until the pain killers kicked in, a bit. Later when I felt a tad more human, I put a tagged message on Facebook wishing Julie, Dean, Chris & Bill a Happy Birthday, even though Bill isn't on Facebook (Well as far as I know anyway!?) Too many Bill Smith's & William Smith's out there to search!

After a awful panic attacked day yesterday, I got the good news from an agent today, that I have a singing role in 'Midsomer Murders', I am going to be a singing in a Bar/Club flirting as I sing with the drinkers. Which will be fun, as Ian will be playing a yokel in the same episode. Looks like I may have one of the infomercials I applied for too!! whoop!! whoop!! What I really need is to get into an Agency like Ray Knight (which only adds a few people to their books occasionally) As they provide extras to EastEnders, which is only 9mins away on train, and that could be regular work, 4-7  days a week, as opposed to the part time work I'm getting at the moment. 

I applied for some more jobs & auditions online & took some more pain killers, as they were beginning to work but needed a boost. I had a late lunch/tea of 4 rice cakes with Danish Blue cheese & some carrot batons dipped in houmous. I did a bit of dusting then it was time to settle down & watch 'Home & Away' with a decaff coffee & 2 digestive biscuits, later I watched 'EastEnders' & 'Three In A Bed' with a couple of glasses of tasty cheap Merlot I had left over from the other night Mmmmmmm....... Watched 'Peter Andre: The Next chapter' & Celebrity Juice, then still shattered from yesterdays panic attack & a bit drowsy from the red wine, I crashed out for the evening & had an early night, with the Sun paper. 

The front page was about how a al-Qaeda warlord Anwar al-Awlaki (Tipped a Bin Ladin's successor) outlined a plan to blitz Britain, in a email, sent to a undercover Sun investigator, after being duped by a Sun sting! MI6 are now studying the dossier, about his drive to recruit more UK fanatics over the Internet. 

Meanwhile Pakistan has blocked US demands to interrogate one of his wives! Why? What are you afraid of Pakistan? That we will learn, that really you knew Bin Laden was there all along & were in fact sheltering him & not as you'd have us believe, making any real attempt to capture him!?.... if that's not the case hand her over, or the longer you block the US demands, the guiltier you look!! What's the betting she will conveniently die of some mystery bug, or suicide, before the US gets the right to interrogate her through court!!?

It emerges that if murder suspect groom Shrien Dewani will get a '5 Star Hotel' like, luxury jail, if extradited to South Africa to stand trial, with a private cell & be protected from gang violence & sex attacks (which will be a farce if guilty of murder) The new generation jails are so plush, prisoners see sentences as a spell at a holiday camp! What a Farce Prisons should be a place of dread, as to not to want to go back again! (Calories consumed 1,705)

Friday 6th May (Nat's Birthday)  I fell asleep around 4.30am & had a weird Dream about Davina McCall & Emma Kennedy, they were either filming a TV or Radio show, with two other people (One being a friend of mine, though I have no idea, of who they were supposed to be?) They were all sat in the window, in the foyer of the building, that they were going to film/record in, relaxing & chatting & having a laugh. So I popped in as I have met/chatted with Davina before & she was with my friend & Emma who I chat to on Twitter & who is also a Facebook Friend. I wandered over to say "Hi" and Davina, Emma & my friend looked me up and down like I was a piece of shit they had stepped in & then ignored me, so then I went to my friend & said good luck with the show & then they were all quite hostile to me & forced me to leave & I thought 'What the hells their problem??'  

With Davina

Woke at 7am & had a shower & then had breakfast of two rice cakes with Marmite & a coffee & 2 digestive biscuits, spread with peanut butter. I dressed in the same gym gear as Wednesday (It had been washed!!) I did a light make-up, and although still in pain with my neck & shoulders my panic attack hang-over was gone, so I headed off to the gym, getting a Sun paper en route. I did the same work out I did Wednesday & drank plenty of water, after my black coffee at start of workout & again at the end. Nat text messaged me that he'd got his card (phew) but although I'd put a message in it, I'd failed to put my name (I'm going nuts) I had 8 cards to write out, the day when I was doing Nat's & I had a call from one of my acting agents, wanting me to send them some details, to the infomercial people, it must of been when I was writing Nat's card, distracting me & making me, not notice I hadn't signed it, before I put it in the envelope, he said he knew it was from me though as he recognised my handwriting. 

I got back home from the gym & had lunch, I made a jacket potato with cottage cheese with chives, on a bed of mixed leaf salad, having 2 slices of Leederman cheese spread with peanut butter & rolled, while I waited for the potato to cook, for a protein boost & to stave off hunger pangs, while the potato cooked! I popped back outside & picked up some more litter & fag butts off my bit of garden, Candie told me her film maker next door neighbour got her a garden gnome, out of the blue, to go with her other one, in her front garden (It Wolf Whistles when you pass it)

I asked him where he got it, so when I'm working again I can get one, to freak out the postman lol. I took out the rubbish then watched 'Home & Away' at 6.30pm. At 7.30pm I had a tea of 5 Digestive biscuits with Danish Blue cheese on & carrot batons dipped in houmous, washed down with a decaf coffee. I watched 'EastEnders' then 'The Million Pound Drop' followed by 'Jimmy Carr: Telling Jokes' very funny (Unlike the awful '10 O'clock Live' thing he was in) 

I watched 'The Ricky Gervais Show' also very funny. Then at Midnight I crashed out for the night with the Sun paper, as I have to be up early tomorrow. Cheryl is talking about her joy at landing the American Xfactor job, Yawn.... our loss is there errrr .... loss, at the end of the day she is a pretty girl who looks good in a dress, other than that there is nothing outstanding about her, and there must be thousands of women like that already in the USA with an accent they will all understand!

Jo Yeates neighbour Vincent Tabak, admitted killing her in court today, but denied murder, it's still not clear if he is the neighbour that helped jump start her boyfriends car, when he went off to stay with friends for a few days? Crown lawyers refused to accept his manslaughter plea & he will face trial for murder in October. He made a trip to Holland 3 days after the body was found (I wonder if he disposed of evidence there??)

Another (married) premier football star gags The Sun from telling of his 3 month fling with a model. For years married footballers have been gagging for it & nowadays they are gagging in more ways than one, Just ask Ryan Gaggs Giggs!!

Yesterday The Archbishop of Canterbury, outrageously questioned the justice of shooting Osmar Bin Laden, saying he felt uneasy about the killing of an unarmed man!! WTF!!! Over 3,000 unarmed people were killed, on Bin Laden's orders, how justified does the moronic head of our church find that? He should keep his thoughts to himself & buy some eyebrow trimmers, instead of insulting the family's of Bin Laden's victims!! (Calories consumed 1,576 not bad)

Saturday 7th May, Woke at 6.30am & had a bath, then had a breakfast of a Golden Syrup Oat So Simple, plus 2 rice cakes with Marmite & a Diet Coke. I did my make-up (Smokey eyes & peachy lip-gloss) Then I dried my hair, It's overcast & humid out looking like it could rain any moment, I'm doing my Sky Atlantic Quiz audition, with Ian today, in central London. As its so gloomy, I wore my black studded leggings, my long black bat-wing top, with a silver metallic pop star style face on the front. with my long flat black boots & my beige Oasis gilet body warmer. I put my hair up & added my curly faux ponytail. I popped to the shop & got a Sun paper, and thumbed through it.

I set off for the station at 11.15am & got my travel card to London, getting a receipt then popped on the train & read some more of the paper & ate my packed lunch of a tuna sandwich, Walkers salt & vinegar crisps and a Diet Coke. I got to Kings Cross & caught the Victoria Line to Oxford Circus & then got the Central Line to Queensway. The Sky Atlantic TV co said that our audition time was 1.30pm, but to be there for 1.15pm, I was there early at 12.20pm so I checked out the venue, The Ramada Jarvis, London Hyde Park, 150 Bayswater Road. As I thought it was the hotel where I met up with my friend Nick & his new Russian bride a couple of years ago (I met him on the 1st of my 2 flights ,when I was travelling to Dubai, we were both changing at Istanbul airport, I was off to Dubai & he was off to Russia, to get married)

Then I headed back, to the Italian cafe, just outside the Queensway tube entrance, as Ian said to meet him outside the station, & I text Ian that I was there, then I sat outside at a table, as the sun had come out for a while & had a cappuccino, while I waited for Ian. I spotted two women at a table next to mine, one had a large sticky label on, with her name in pen on it, so I surmised she must have been doing the earlier quiz audition so I asked her how it went? 

They both said it was hard but fun, but they were real sticklers for time slots. I had text Ian several times & as usual he was running late, despite only having to travel 9 stops on the tube. (I often get to our meeting point 1st, despite having much further to travel) I think when you live in London, you assume you will get around London, far quicker than you actually can (So don't give yourself enough time & set off too late!) So at 1.10pm I set off to the Ramada Java, telling the two women, still at table outside the cafe, that if they see a tall, blonde, guy looking like, he's looking for someone & his name is Ian, to tell him I couldn't wait for him & went to hotel. I also text him as much, but if on train he may not get it for a while.

I got to the hotel just as a group of people sitting in the lounge area of the hotel were called to go upstairs bang on 1.15pm, Come On Ian Hurry Up!!!!! They were handing out forms to sign & stick on names etc & I text Ian what floor we were on & name of room too. Not long after Ian arrived & we had a laugh with two girls from Watford. The room was split in two groups, our group went off to play the quiz & do some improvisation, while the other group had to answer a questionnaire TV quiz & fill in forms & do a interview VT. 

Our group had to act out a famous TV moment & the rest had to guess it both Ian & I turned to each other & suggested exactly the same thing. So Ian & I did the EastEnders scene when Kat tells her daughter, who thinks Kat is her sister, that she's her mum with the infamous line  Daughter "You can't tell me what to do...... Your not my mother!!!" ........ Kat "....... Yes I Aaaaaaaaaaaam!!!" Another couple did a very funny improv of Big Brothers Craig perving over Anthony, while looking after him while Anthony was pissed & puking everywhere.

Craig & Anthony

Then 8 our pairs were quizzed with some TV quiz questions, the 1st 2 teams to get a correct answer, went head to head on quiz questions & once the 4 groups of two had gone head to head, the 4 winning teams, then went head to head question wise, in 2 sessions, then the winning two would go head to head in the final. It was a real fun quiz, Ian & I did well, then we had to swap with the other group of 8 pairs & we were separated on different tables, than our quiz partner (So we couldn't help each other) & were given a written TV quiz of about 20-25 questions. Then a list of dates and we hand to say which if any we would not be available for. 

After that Ian & I had to do a interview together, on a video camera talking about how we 1st met & what type of TV shows we liked!! We finished around 4ish & Ian & I headed for Queensway tube station, where I text Nat to say Ian & I would be in Soho in a hour or two if he & Terry were about. Then Ian & I got the Central line to Oxford Street, then got the Victoria line to Stockwell & popped into Ian's so he could change to go out & meet up with his friend Irish James (who was staying with Ian over the weekend) Ian had a bad blister on his foot so I suggested he used Scholl clear blister plasters (But not to bother with Compeed, which are absolutely rubbish & come unstuck in minutes!!)

Crap - Don't Waste Your Money!!

We got to Ian's & had a bit of a chat with James while he put case etc away, Ian's next door neighbour had 4 big shopping bags full of books outside her door, which she was either going to give to charity or car boot sell, she said we could take any books we wanted, so being a book addict, I had a good rummage, to be honest I could of happily taken 90%, most were my kind of thing, but I settled on 7 Books & a video of '3rd Rock From The Sun' The books were :-

1. Grace Dent - Diary Of A Chav - Trainers & Tiaras
2. Grace Dent - Diary Of A Chav - Sling The Bling
3. Grace Dent - Shiraz - The Ibiza Diary's
4. Jordan Sonnenblick - Drums, Girls & Dangerous Pie
5. Judy Blume - Forever - A Teen Classic
6. Claire Calman - Love Is A Four Letter Word
7. Mark Haddon - The Curious Incident Of The Dog In The Night-Time

James & Ian got ready & we headed off to Soho on the tube, and headed for Ku Bar, Nat text saying they were just having dinner (being secret diners) & where in Soho were we? I said Ku Bar, and they said they would see us soon. We joined Ian's two lesbian friends who were already in Ku Bar, We got a drink & sat at the table with the girls, a while later a very slender Nat & Terry arrived, (Nat's lost 8-10st) & they got a drink & joined the table, Ian couldn't believe Nat's before picture in Bath & to be honest it shocked me, as I'd never thought of Nat ever being as big, as he looked in that particular picture. 

Two more lesbian pals of Ian arrived & we were about to go onto The Edge, just as Terry came back to the table with a 2nd pint, so they went ahead while I spent time with Nat & Terry in Ku, they told me how they are being messed about by some of their gay friends, also in Soho being obscure about where they are, or once they eventually tell them, they are obscure about how long they are expected to be there, which doesn't make them sound very good friends to me. Terry finished his beer & we all headed off for The Edge.

Just as we were almost there, beside the little square of park area opposite The Edge; their so called friends, were walking towards us, after leaving The Edge, again they were fairly obscure to Nat & Terry, as to where they were heading! We got into the bar & found Ian & gang upstairs & then Nat & Terry said they were heading off, adding they were tired & were only walking me to the bar, which was a shame & part of me wondered if they were chasing after their obscure friends, instead? Somebody in The Edge was having a Lady Gaga themed Birthday Bash, with lots of people in fancy dress, a tall drag queen, in a leopard print PVC dress & huge blonde wig arrived (It was so big he had trouble getting through the door!) 

We had a chat & I had  pic taken with him, the 1st two of Ian's lesbian friends left & then after a while Ian & the gang were wanting to go to GAY Late, so I got the tube to Kings Cross to get the train home, getting a sandwich & a rice/smoke salmon cold patty from the kiosk, as I was famished. Then jumped on the fast train to St Albans. Got in & still hungry I had two rice cakes with peanut butter & a decaf coffee before going to bed with The Sun paper.

The front page is all about Madeleine McCann's disappearance, with world exclusives from their book on the subject. Sorry I don't mean to sound horrible, because I'd like to think there is a happy outcome for Maddy, but it is highly unlikely she is alive, when she has such a distinctive eye marking, and if she isn't she is probably going through such horrors she probably wishes she was dead! They never should of left her and her two siblings, alone in the room, why couldn't one of the adults of gotten take-away tapas from the tapas bar, and eaten it on their veranda? They could see the tapas bar from there, so it's not as if the hot food, would of gone cold! 

 Maddy & her distinctive right pupil

Also I have heard numerous, disturbing, things, about Maddy's mum, from numerous, reliable, sources, saying the same thing. How she was really flirty & full on, with the British Policemen investigating the case. Being all over them & then suddenly quiet & solemn when faced with press or TV cameras. The policemen told my source that they know grief makes people do odd things, but she made them feel very uncomfortable. Many said she was attention seeking!! Oddly she had put Maddy's favourite cuddly cat, that was left behind, when she vanished, in the washing machine, and it was drying when cops arrived (What mother, who's child was missing, would wash out the scent of their child, off of their favourite toy?) 

 Kate's Perfectly Posed Sadness

I still have the nightie my mum was rushed to hospital in, when she died 2yrs ago (unwashed) & hug it when upset to feel close to her, I'd never wash it now, let alone the day she died! Something doesn't add up with that family!! They even sedated their own kids before putting them to bed & going out, and turned down the hotel complex baby sitting service that was offered! I wouldn't be surprised if despite being doctors, they accidentally over sedated Maddy & this whole continuing publicity thing, is to make them look 100% innocent, while also sating Kate's rumoured craving for attention. My gut instinct just says, something just doesn't add up!!

Gary Barlow is to be one of the new judges on UK's Xfactor, a very talented, singer songwriter, at last we have a judge with real credentials in the music industry, to replace Simon, shame Dannii isn't still in, she was a very honest judge & a hands on mentor. Al- Qaeda confirm Bin Laden is dead, no doubt ruining the day of conspiracy theorists, who were claiming the quick disposal of body & no photographic evidence made public, meant he was alive (Calories consumed 2,407 Whoops ooooh bloody hell)

Sunday 8th May, I woke at 8am (Early for a Sunday) After I had a wash & changed into my gym gear, I popped to the shop for a NOTW paper & then after a breakfast of 2 rice cakes, with peanut butter, plus Oat So Simple Golden Syrup, washed down with a Diet Coke, I  headed for the gym for a repeat of my usual routine. I got home at around noon & read some of my NOTW, before doing a bunch of household chores, washing, ironing, hovering, mopping etc ..... very boring!! 

The front cover, is bikini & topless shots of Pippa Middleton, the talk of the town since her sister Kate's wedding to Prince William! Also Prince Harry in army fatigues with the headline 'New Harry Terror Threat' Saying that Extremists wanting to avenge the death of monster Bin Laden have made Prince Harry Their Top Target. The threats made by The Muslims Against Crusades Group (Why aren't all members rounded up & deported, along with their family's, sod their so called human rights, surely we still have treason laws?) 

Meanwhile more is written on Bin Laden's life inside his Pakistan compound, he donned a Burka to meet with Terror Associates outside the compound (All the more reason to ban the Burka like France, if you don't like it move to a country it's not banned in, such as Iraq) This also says a lot about Pakistan's intelligence that for 5yrs they never questioned a 6ft 4"- 6ft 6" Woman in a Burka!!!

Love Rat, Asley Cole wants Cheryl back & is begging for one last chance, if she takes him back, what little respect I have for her will be gone & whatever happens to her with him in the future I will have absolutely NO Sympathy for her whatsoever!!

More on Kate McCann, Yawn, she says she was plagued with suicidal thoughts after Maddy vanished, wanting to swim out into the ocean until she was totally exhausted & let the water take her & pull her under to relieve her of her torment (Dramatic much?)  

There was a NO vote for AV by the country & my local vote was won by the Conservatives hurrah!!!

A Rugby Hunk Craig Richards kissed & told on his sex romps with Welsh Tart, Imogen Thomas, below (So not just footballers then!) He bedded her for 4yrs, having casual sex, while she was dating other people (obviously a highly moral girl!) They slept together the night they 1st met, like she did with Ryan Giggs (obviously a very virtuous girl too!!)

I changed into my black leggings & bat-wing top & put gym gear in the wash, then fixed myself lunch of a jacket potato with cottage cheese & chives, with a green salad & egg noodles on the side, washed down with some lemonade. I popped outside & did some gardening, pruning the dead flowers & pulling up weeds. At 3pm I watched 'Short Circuit 2', for a bit of nostalgia while sorting through my emails, I LOVE both of the 'Short Circuit' films, maybe because I have loved robots since I was a kid.

 There's No Point Looking Up There, Johnny 5
Until You Become A Pro Footballer!!

I did some Job & some audition searches & applied for a bunch of each. Then at 7pm I watched 'Come Dine With Me' it was based in the Walthemstow area (Where Nat & Terry Live) & what a bunch of freaks, they all were ...... LOVELY!!! Then it was on to watching the bunch of freaks that worked at 'The Hotel' then I enjoyed the last of my cheap bottle of Red Wine & had some salted microwave popcorn, watching the TV film premier of the 2008 film 'How To Lose Friends & Alienate People' I'm glad I didn't waste my money watching that at the cinema, what an utter pile of shite that was!!!! Absolutely bloody dire that's yet another Simon Pegg Film I have hated, the other being 'Sean Of The Dead'  It doesn't bode well for 'Run Fatboy Run' after that I had the munchies so I had 2 rice cakes with Marmite before retiring to bed relatively early at midnight to finish off reading The News Of The World Paper (Calories Consumed 1,911 whoops)


  1. How amazing, you made such a miraculous recovery in time to do the quiz run through! But then you always do don't's not depression you are suffering from it is something called Hypochondria sweetheart, you crave attention just like most hypochondriacs and you need our sympathy. well you don't have mine I am afraid. and, I don't mean to sound harsh, but why do you have to keep reminding us your mum died suddenly blah blah, and why do you KEEP banging on and on about having double pneumonia, to the extent that you actually repeat yourself several times?? and I see this week that you are still having sly digs at your poor brother and you also seem to have it in for your friend Nicky too, if I was Nicky and read what you have written you most certainly would not be my friend any really is quite despicable to put something like that in print as opposed to saying it to her face. I do believe you are getting worse!

  2. I don't need your or anyone else's Sympathy Sweetheart. Of course you MEAN to be Nasty darling, rather than Harsh, but your attempts to irk me though are a waste of time & BTW panic attacks last 24-48hrs. And of course you Mean to be harsh, nice to see your so concerned about my poor brother, maybe you'd like to leave your contact details & I'll pass them on maybe you can become pen pals! His married I'm afraid but he might have a friend who's into bitter women, I'm sure he'd manage to find someone who will buy you a pint of vinegar or two to keep your sourness topped up. Oh & I do say whatever I say on here to my friends faces. Unlike You I don't have to hide behind a faceless photo-less profile with no details or real name to say what I want to say! (So brave of you!)