Sunday, 15 August 2010

A Not So Brief History Of The Evil Barbie

I was born in London at 7.45pm on Saturday June 20th 1964 (making me 46 right now YIKES!!) So I was my dads Fathers Day present, a few hours early. I'm one of Seven children, I have Four brothers & Two sister's, but I have never met my half sister Gay, or half  brother Brian, from my dads 1st marriage, to their Mother, Mary Elizabeth Duke, who was last known to be living somewhere in in Edinburgh Scotland, I have been trying to search for them,. even setting up a Facebook group to try to find someone who knows them, to no avail. I was born & bred in Eaton Place Belgravia (Mayfair) below

 In Hyde Park With Dad
 In Hyde Park With Mum
 6 Months Old Havin Fun With Dad
With Mum 6 Months Old My 1st Xmas
Me At 4yrs

My family later moved & I  lived in North Dean (Buckinghamshire) on a Private Dairy Estate, I was going to Speen Junior School, before later going to a school in High Wycombe
 Outside Our Home In North Dean, With Uncle Jack
With Trampass

Later we moved to Farnsfield (Nottingham) to Farnsfield Stud Farm (Arab Racehorses) where I went to St Johns Church of England School Lacy Green. (below)

Then when I was 11yrs old we moved to Warninglid (West Sussex) to a gate house (below) on a Private Estate belonging to Lord & Lady Hayward (who own Wolves FC & most of The Bahamas & Jack Hayward, AKA Union Jack Hayward, was involved in a scandal, caused by politician Jeremy Thorpe) that Estate farmed sheep (so is it any wonder I love animals so much, and became vegetarian?? ) I went to Warden Park School in Cuckfield (seen below)

I Wasn't so happy at my last school (Warden Park) as I joined part way in 1st term, so I was the new girl & because I wasn't willing to join the cool gang, who bullied the spotty, fat, bespeckled kids or call the quiet boys gay, I was bullied myself, as it was either bully or be bullied!! So I had a fare few bog washings & compass stabbings !! It didn't help that I wanted to do something exciting, unlike the country girls, be a model, singer, actress, beautician, designer, stylist, artist, illustrator, novelist or lion tamer, while they wanted to be farmers wives or work in the village shop or post office!!..... their lack of any aspirations meant that in my 5th year when we had our options, I was the only person to choose Drama & so the one of the two options, that I really wanted (the other being art) was scrapped ...... Gutted!!

At 16yrs went on to Art College in Horsham & then Worthing in West Sussex. Doing a Degree in Fashion Design & The History Of  Fashion. I think fashion must run through the family's DNA as mum made all my clothes as a child & many of my family tree going back 100's of years, on both sides, worked as either Tailors or Seamstresses or Costumers the others were either Cobblers (might explain my love of shoes) or in service to the Gentry & the rest in the Army, Navy or Air Forces, plus my 2nd Cousin is famous, Savile Row Designer, Tommy Nutter, who designed for many a Celebrity Including, Elton John, the Beetles & The Joker Costumes for Jack Nicholson for The Batman Movie & taught Oswald Botang everything he knows.

While at College I was doing a bit of pin up calender & still life modeling, to help pay my way. While there I became very close to the late fashion designer, John Flett, and I became his Muse & a fledgling Fag Hag. Then while sending off one spec letter after another, to fashion houses, I moved to Brighton & worked at Dr Brighton's, then moved on to run The Ship Inn, on the Lewis Road, living with my two new Gay pals Ken & Martin, Living & going out on the town with them two, I lived practically in the numerous gay clubs there.

Eventually all my spec letters paid off & I got my 1st Job as a designer in London, for a company called Moulton Vogue & moved from Brighton, to Forest Hill South London, renting a room in the house of quite a sour faced Greek spinster, called Lisa Krekis, who kept insisting on dragging an unwilling me, to go to singles nights & clubs with her (as she was soooo desperate for a husband!!) & then got royally Pissed Off when the single blokes flocked round a disinterested 21yr old me, while the she the sour faced 35yr old got ignored!!! (try smiling love!!) She also illegally stole half my possessions when I left saying I owed her money for a huge phone bill run up due to numerous calls to Australia!!.... errrr there was a a lock on the phone, I didn't know anyone in Australia at the time & her 2nd tenant was Australian!!! do the math woman!!! (think it was revenge for the attention at the singleton events!!) I was locked in a legal battle with her over it, but then mum hit her head under a cupboard, shattered her retiners & went temporarily blind!! then my dad needed open heart surgery, so I just left it, as family is more important than possessions, but that Bitch had 5yrs of my Art Work in my College Portfolio which I still miss, among other sentimental teen items & designer clothes .... I became more Landlord Savvy after that!!

Later I moved onto Palmers Green North London, briefly in a shared house (where I experienced loads of ghost activity.... I have had interactions with Ghosts since a child, but I will save that for future blogs, I have kept a record of my experiences & will be writting a book on them eventually) then eventually I moved into my 1st flat of my own, just down the road in Bounds Green North London, when I was about 25yrs. In those days I ran with my Greek Posse, of Andrulla, Soulla, Andrea, Anna, to name a few & was a propper Gorri Girl, our drinking spot was The Bull & Bush Hamstead, and I always in the Greek Night Clubs, such as Fantasia, Cleopatra's, E'metos etc etc in either Green Lanes, North London, Edgeware Road, or off of Tottenham Court Road, Belly Dancing like a woman possessed.

At that time I was working as a designer for a Spanish Company Called Jungle & loved it, I designed the textiles, some of the clothing lines, the business cards & carrier bags, I illustrated the collections in catalogues designed the shop fronts & exteriors (I put up my own scaffolding and painted the exteriors & did the sign writing) I even painted leopard spots & tigers climbing the walls on the outside of the factory, plus I styled the models on photo shoots & did their makeup best of all though was actually working with Live lions & tigers while I was with them (& from that, dong some voluntary work with the Born Free Federation) and I was sad when Jungle finally closed down, due to the recession at the time. I freelanced as a Designer & Actress, for a bit & did a lot of Promotion jobs, at big events & stores & Expo's before moving on to Retail Sales & Management for brands such as Versace. It was here I got my Evil Barbie name.  A South African agency guy called Bryden, came to work for me as a temp & we'd tell jokes and funny tales of our lives & one day he turned to me & said "I'ts funny you look like Barbie, but you have the cruel sarcastic humour of a guy.......*Gasp*...... You Evil Barbie!!!!" and it stuck.....

Working in the Fashion, Acting & Retail Industry, I acquired even more Gay BFF, the most of Important of all Being Nat & Terry, (Married in Brighton in October 2008) who I love like family. I met Nat Di Maggio through my best friend Candie, who was worked for Chanel when I was working for Versace as a manager & make-up artist.

The house I had a flat in at the time in Bounds Green, was put up for sale, so yet again I needed to move, having acquired a lot of belongings & furniture over the years, since leaving home at 16yrs, I couldn't find anywhere unfurnished in London , that was in my price range &  that was also bigger than a rabbit hutch, in the time frame I had to move out. So I  temporarily moved into a Flat in Tottenham (who's landlord tried to tell police I'd stolen all his furniture when I moved out, in an insurance scam, luckily after the Greek bitch episode, I photographed the flat before I moved in & after, plus the shop below had signed for my furniture when it arrived when I was out!!... nice try Mr but I don't get bitten twice!!.... bloody cheeky git , thanks to him I was rushed to hospital & was lucky I didn't die, due to Carbon dioxide Poisoning as he'd not serviced the gas heater in over 40yrs & the flu was totally blocked with leaves, so all fumes went back into my temp flat, (he was lucky I didn't sue him!!) eventually I moved to St Albans in November 2002, After finding a roomy flat, which also meant I was close to my mum, who had been living there alone, since my dad died of Lung Cancer (an Evil Disease) in September 1997.

I quickly made new friends & worked as A Bar/Nightclub Manager by Night & a Manager of Clothing Boutiques by Day, But the recession has hit Retail bad & many shops in St Albans have sat empty the past few years & the number of empty shops in the high street, are rapidly increasing!!.... when both McDonald's & Burger King close down, you know something is wrong!! Working in !CE (below) I made even more friends.

The problem in St Albans at the moment is The rents on both flats/houses & shops in St Albans, are as high as (& at times higher than) London's, but the wages in the area fall far below those in London, as does the customer foot fall. So despite paying out low wages, retailers are not hitting the targets needed to pay such high rent & rates. Yet the snobs at the Abbey Society have blocked Primark from moving into the Large McDonalds (that closed 4-5yrs ago) saying it is too down market for the area, evwn though they are allowing a 99p store!!...ignoring the fact that Primark is a big enough company to afford such rent & rates, so wont close after a few months, like some cheep toot shops before them, plus the fact it would provide many, much needed, jobs for the growing local unemployed, let alone ignoring the fact that most average family's & student's WANT a Primark in St Albans.... but don't get me started on that one!! So I made St Albans my home, and was a happy go lucky Girl About Town!!!.... (well if you can be in your 40's and still be called a girl!)

A few years later I came down with Double Pneumonia, becoming so ill I nearly died, thanks to the doctor that I'd called in, diagnosing asthma & giving me an Inhaler for my prescription & not much needed drugs (despite the fact I said there was no asthma in my family & that I thought I had Pneumonia, as My chest crackled like bubble wrap popping,  when I pushed my hand on my upper chest area, he poo pooed me, like I was some hypochondriac bimbo) NEVER settle for a doc's diagnosis if you think it's wrong, (my Dads Lung Cancer was fobbed off for 2yrs as Bronchitis, as they were too tight to send him for X Rays, by the time a locum did one, 2 years later one & a half lungs were eaten away with Cancer & he could not be saved & he was given 5 months to live..... he died exactly 5months to the day) I was also fobbed off with a doctor who said I had a migraine, when I went in saying I thought I had Meningitus, 2 days of suffering later, a worried boyfriend took me into A&E where I was rushed into a private room, diagnosed with Meningism (a form of Meningitus) so never NEVER let your GP fob you off with something if you know in yourself, something is just not right with you!!

Eventually a worried friend took me straight to a Hospital where they diagnosed Double Pneumonia, It was probably just Pneumonia originally, but because I was left a long time without medication when seriously ill, despite calling out doc twice, while I was having bed sweats (soaking the bed linen through & through & I was too weak in end to keep changing them) plus I was having hallucinations, vomiting what looked like orange wallpaper paste & I wont even go into what was going on at the other end!!... it had probably then progressed to Double Pneumonia, fighting it all that time without medication had pretty much depleted my red & white soldier cells, so it took me 18months to gain some strength & get my lungs back to normal, which meant no singing in My Band Evil Barbie & The Ken-Dolls for me for quite some time.

The Evil Barbie & The Ken-Dolls Band was formed of a Group of friends, from an assortment of other bands so while I spent 18months unable to sing, they were busy with their own projects & have done really well, which is why I am now auditioning musicians for new Ken-Dolls, the final selection will be Filmed by Sky1 doing their final Auditions in The Pineapple Dance Studio's for the NEW Show "Showbiz" (anyone interested in auditioning, I will post details soon) Gay Ken-Dolls would be FAB but not essential!... Being a serious musician while not taking one's self not too seriously is though!!

While still weak from my bout of Pneumonia, and working as a Bar/Nightclub Manager, I developed a tumour in an ovary (prob due to immune system still being low due to red & white cells not being fully replenished yet) So I had to go into hospital to have a biopsy & have it removed, luckily it was benign, but while I was at home recovering the owners sold the Bar/Nightclub & it was shut down for 2+ years while it was redeveloped. So I went from having two jobs to none.

So while I sent out 100's of CV's looking for work, I spent a lot of time in the gym building up my strength & getting super toned!!! until one day in May 2008 I got a pain in my back while watching The Eurovision Song Contest (NO True Fag Hag In Her Right Mind Would Miss That CAMP FEST!!) & I went to the bathroom & vomited up what seemed like a bucket's worth of wallpaper paste textured, sticky mucus!!.... the pain then spread down my back & then I felt I had an invisible iron maiden like, metal corset around my ribs, waist & chest, crushing me tighter & tighter until I couldn't breathe or talk & called 999 & whispered for an ambulance thinking I was dying!!.... then came the real pain (I have never experienced pain like it & I'm strong, they say its 9 times worse than child birth, but I wouldn't know about that!!) & the ambulance crew found me rolled on the floor rocking, letting out blood curdling screams of a wild animal caught in a snare.

It turned out I had Gallstones & I had to wait 9months before I got my operation to remove my Gallbladder & the Stones within, during which time I had several agonising attacks, which caused me to have to call out an ambulance on several occasions, during which time one ambulance crew of 3 (1 girl & 2 guys) robbed me, stealing my favourite pair of £200 Kurt Gieger Evening Shoes, among other things. I remember thinking at the time "I wish those bloody two would stop wandering round my flat & peeping in on me every now & again, while this guys filling in my medical form, before taking me to hospital & either stay in here, or sod off to the ambulance". Only later did I discover why they were wandering around, but of course I have no proof!! So much for the caring profession, robbing someone blind, while they're writhing in agony!!

Free Surgical Stockings with every Op!!!
Get this natty matching wrist band too, while stocks last!!

Eventually in November 2008 I had my operation, I felt human again & things were on the up, I was back in the Gym & feeling great, Seeing the New Year in as a new woman, then in the summer I went to my Gay BFF Nat's Birthday & stayed over the weekend & I laughed so much over those few days & thought "I have had one of the best weeks of my life", as I traveled back to St Albans on the evening of May 10th 2009 & thought I can't wait to phone mum tomorrow & tell her about my weekend (as it was around 9.30-10pm & she's normally in bed)

BUT 3hrs Later I was in a Speeding Police Car going to the QE2 hospital Wellin Garden City, after a call from police to say my mum had collapsed & had come round long enough to call 999, but they had to break in as she was drifting in & out of consciousness, 8hrs went by with them trying to work out what was wrong with her, & I will NEVER forget my mums sad face as she looked up a me & said "I'm dying June I know I am!!" I assured her she was strong & would be fine, while inside I was screaming "WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY TAKING SO LONG & WHY CAN'T THEY FIND OUT WHATS WRONG!!??" eventually after a scan, they found she had an aneurysm in her groin & was bleeding internally, they operated for 4hrs & she had 3 heart attacks on the operating table, but still kept fighting, but every time they tried to sew her tissues up to stop the hemorrhaging, they just tore like trying to sew wet tissue paper & in the end she was left to bleed to death, as there was nothing they could do they said. I felt so helpless It broke my heart.

So I went from the best week of my life to the worst day of my life, losing my mum broke my heart, she was my best friend as well as my my mum & I could tell her anything. She had been the life and soul of a family party only days earlier & was looking forward to her 80th birthday in a few months time. Some people say well she was almost 80 she had a good innings but they never knew my mum, she may have been 79 but looked decades younger as you can see above & had the vitality of a 50yr old, I pass doddery old pensioners shuffling along & think sometimes how can you be still be going on, when my full of life mum isn't??

So the last year I have not been myself , I had no energy for the gym, ate convenience food as I lost my interest In cooking & mostly hid myself away from the world & gained 2st in the process. Its been a year now & I have started back at the Gym to shift that 2st & I have started to get some spurts of energy back. I knew if my mums spirit could see me, she would be so sad to see me so down & not my usual jokey outrageous self, so I thought "FUCK IT!! I'm gonna live life to the full get back to my Acting again,  as Retail has seemed to have gone tits up, thanks to Blair & Brown fucking up Great Britain!! (don't get me started on that either!!) I think mum has been listening & helping though, as since I made that decision Its been one TV/Film project after another...... but that I will save for my next Blog, as right now I have a CAMP donkey to add the finishing touches to!! ....TTFN

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