Friday, 25 February 2011

My Not So Funny Valentine's, Cougar Town

Monday 14th Feb, Valentines Day, I didn't fall asleep until some time after 5.30am & woke at 10.30am. I know I had a odd quirky dream, but cant recall details. I went downstairs, no mail  (So No Valentine Cards on my doormat) No surprise there!! I have only received one Card in my life, when I was just 17yrs old, it was hand delivered & when I opened the front door, the street was pitch black & empty. I think it must of been from my younger brother out of pity, as he use to get 20+ cards every year. 

He could of posted it & then when I went to the door, he could of run round the house & got back in the back door, but 30years on he still swears he didn't. The only clue inside was a message saying "Hi, are you still drawing those beautiful cats?" I use to bring in sketches & water paintings of Cats for my Art Homework, so could be someone from school, (but my brother use to steal my old pictures & take them into school as his art homework years later!!) Hmmm?

Which basically means I have not had a Valentines Card now, for 30years!! And I haven't been single for 30years!! Obviously I don't date romantic men!!! As it seems every man in my life, that I've dated, has used the excuse "I don't believe in Valentines Day its so Commercial!!" (But yet never had a problem with Commercial Christmas!!) 

Funny that they all used the Commercial excuse, to opt out of giving Valentines Cards (which is a mere 50p - £5 a purchase) But yet were always more than happy, to open their Valentine's Cards & presents from me, before eating the romantic three course meal I'd cooked (as they also didn't believe in, taking me out for a 'Commercial' Valentines Meal either!!) Is it any wonder then, that I never stayed with, nor married any of these tight wad, romantic catches lol

I had a shower, to try and ease my stiff neck & shoulders, then moisturised & tied hair back in a pony tail, did a light make-up of tinted moisturiser, brown kohl liner, black mascara & a nude lip gloss. I'm not sure if I'm imagining it or not, but my mascaraed lashes, do seem to look a bit longer today, hmmm maybe this lash/eyebrow lotion is working already! (I will give you it's name & where to get it, when I have my final results on April 1st) 

I wore my wet look black leggings & thigh length military style khaki tunic top, with leather, jewel & chain embellished epaulettes & my long flat leather boots with the zip all the way up the back, had a coffee & took one of the diet pills & caught the end of This Morning as I drank it.

It's Bright & Crisp out, so I pulled on a black magic scarf & my long black coat & did my 2hr weekly walk round the park. A woman stopped me to say that, I looked very elegant in my long black coat & I  thanked her adding "It's only a cheapy from Primark!" She said she was surprised & asked "Did you get it recently?" I said "Yes but it's only available in the Oxford Circus branch!!" The Park Rangers were catching the newly grown signets (Now almost full blown Swans) and ringing their ankles, the little distress calls they made, the brief time it was done, was so small & cute for such a big beautiful bird!

I got in & did what seemed like a weeks worth of, oily deification, I think it must be the diet pills starting to kick in (As it seems a bit like how I've read you defecate on Allie) Wow think I should weigh less after that lol. I had a double veggie cheese burger, with a Diet Coke for lunch & watched 'May The Best House Win' LOVED the 1st Cornwall house the views & layout were to die for, I would of happily moved in tomorrow (If I had a lottery win) 

 Opulent Bed Linen or Ostentatious?

All it needed was a few statement pictures on the wall, a few more well chosen works of art & more opulent bedding & also cushions on the sofa, Gorgeous! 

I had my 2nd diet pill then popped to the shop for my paper then put the rubbish out. Text Chris 'Happy Valentines Day' & joked how the Valentine he promised must of got lost in the post, and sent another one to my friend David, saying 'Happy Valentines Day & asking how he was finding it in Kent?' After he'd moved there from South London. He said he'd lost all his phone numbers when he broke his last phone & didn't know who I was? So I text him the answer. No reply PML so charming!! yet so David!

Nick had text at 2.36pm saying "Happy V Day to a very sexy woman xx" I didn't bother replying as I'm NOT getting involved with a married man (Never have, never will!!) sorted out more coat hangers in the back room & bundled them up with more elastic bands, which I'd bought when I bought the Sun Newspaper earlier. 

I went online & updated Facebook & Twitter statuses, then checked my hotmail inbox for job application/audition responses, I had one audition response & then I found that I had won a necklace, by Penny Masquerade. I'd won via a competition, set by 'Judging Covers', where you had to list your favourite childhood book, mine was 'Manx Mouse' by Paul Gallico, I still love it, it's a great story! I read not long ago, that it was also the favourite of Harry Potters author J K Rowling. The necklace is a chain, with a book locket that opens to hold two photos! with a mini china rose & metal butterfly pendant attached too

Went through Mandy & StarNow auditions, applying for some & had a Snickers Ice Cream Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!! Watched the new 'Coach Trip' on Ch4 my friends Ian Mann & Stephany Ledigo were both on Coach Trip. I was meant to go on it with my friend Gemma, but then they went & changed the dates, for us to board the coach & so we couldn't do it, as we had commitments on new dates.

Gemma, Ready For A Coach Trip

Watched  'Home & Away' on Ch5 at 6pm, then at 6.12pm my friend Greg text to wish me a 'Happy Valentines Day' & then I was disturbed at 6.16pm by my mobile ringing, it was Nick, I didn't bother answering it, a min later he sent me a text saying "Hi just called to say happy V day. Am off on hols on Fri, back end of Feb. Could we maybe go dancing in St Albans when I'm back? Nx" Hmmmmmm No I don't think so! You go play happy family's & don't expect me to be your treat to come home to!! I watched the next 'Home & Away' on Fiver, then put a dark wash in the machine.

I had a vegetable pie & mash for dinner, with herb liquor, as I have heard of pie & mash & liquor before, but I have never had it, I can't say I'm impressed, it's green bland & tasteless, with the texture of wallpaper paste (I don't feel I have missed out, never having it before!) It's not something I will bother trying again! I'd rather have parsley sauce!

I watched the soaps, Corrie was good tonight, then 'The Biggest Loser', ooh the female trainer has been reprimanded, for telling her Black group to eat just apples & nuts the day before the weigh in to maximise weight loss (must remember that one when training!!) & beat the Blue group. Then I watched Glee good this week! followed by Chatty Man with Alan Carr also good. I didn't bother with Episodes today, it's just not funny enough! I had a coffee watching The Apprentice USA  then settled down in bed with the paper.

More doom & gloom, a Leicester mum & her 2 adorable, beautiful young children, were murdered by her jealous husband! A friend of murdered Joy (doesn't sound like she had much joy with him) said "He was a monster" Adding that he had put her through years of violent hell, adding that Aram Aziz (A nice English name!) had threatened to kill her & the children & once doused Joy with petrol & tried to set it alight! 

That's when she finally found the strength to leave him. Having a panic button installed in her home & sleeping with a hammer under her pillow, due to fear of him. The body's of Joy, her 3yr son Aubarr & 2yr daughter Chanarra, were found a few hours after the violent brute's body was found in a shed in a park (Well at least he is dead that's something, a cushy cell would be too good for him!!)

Her friends said her Iraqi Kurd, Muslim husband, was extremely possessive & beat her all the time, and tried to stop her seeing her friends (minus the beatings that sounds like an ex of mine Suki, who I wasted 5 years of my life with, in my best years my 20's with) I'd probably of found someone to settle down with in that time, if I'd not been brain washed, into being with him, Idiot that I am!! (He also stopped me doing TV work, that would of forwarded my acting career in my 20's, I wished I'd told him to sod off!) 

He (Aram Aziz) once threw a mirror at their young son, when she left him, he left a message on her phone saying he'd kill her & the kids (sadly he succeeded!!) Adding she could never have another boyfriend, a few months ago, she said she'd got a new boyfriend, her friend was suspicious, that she had taken Aziz back, she had & she rowed with her friend over it & they stopped speaking. Her 1st husband Javed Ghaznavi said, he'd not yet broken the news to their 7yr old son yet, as he is to young to cope with it!

Criminal Drug Dealer scum, Luke Walsh-Pinnock, is suing cops for posting name & shame leaflets with his name, picture & the fact he was convicted of Drug offences, that put him inside for 4yrs (Heroine & Cocaine) That was sent to 1,500 homes, by the police (brilliant!!) The 22yr piece of scum, has a cheek to claim it breaches his human rights (Criminal scum have no right, to human rights) 

It's no wonder he grew up into scum, when he has a pair of moronic parents, who instead of being pleased that he might be shamed into going straight, instead complain he has been humiliated, in his local community (GOOD!!) His mum Linda Walsh adding "he's a good boy who is kind to his family!!" 

You Stupid, stupid woman!! I'm sure Attila the Hun was good to his family, or Hitler to his, it doesn't make either of them 'Good Boys' though!! Try telling the teen who's become an addict, buying from your son, or the parent who's child had OD'd and died, from gear bought from your son, just how Good a boy he is!! I hope its kicked out of court, it's a bloody disgrace!!

The 2nd cousin of the boyfriend, of the pregnant 19year old stabbed to death in Wales is to appear in court today charged with her & her baby's murder. Carl Whant is charged with stabbing her & then trying to hide the evidence by setting fire to the house. Why? was it his baby? Or was he to do it, on her boyfriends orders, while her boyfriend was out with friends at time, so he had an alibi?? So far he is painted as a devastated victim. Now with his relative accused, the question is, is he innocent? if so why did his 2nd cousin kill her? or if not innocent why were they in it together?

By 3.30am I couldn't sleep so ended up watching The Last Dragon on Ch4 from 3.40am to 5.30am, as I LOVE Dragons, I always have since a little girl, dressed in lace, with ringlets & also had an interest in Dinosaur's & lizards, especially Komodo Dragons, oddly enough my Chinese Astrology sign is also the Dragon! (Calories consumed 1,800)

Tuesday 15th Feb, Woke at 10am had a wash & moisturised, tied hair in pony tail & did a light make-up lashes definitely seem longer, I had an apple & a coffee, for breakfast. Hung my black wash out to dry & dressed same as yesterday, went online & found another acting agency had accepted me. Checked my hotmail Bloody Santander hasn't accepted me for online banking. It's so annoying I haven't been able to do Alliance & Leicester online Banking, since they changed from Alliance & Leicester to Santander, in June last year, they said they'd send me a new login code. They sent me 3 none of them worked, I went into a new local branch, they said I needed to join the Santander online banking instead & now when I try to, it wont let me. 

Meanwhile I have no idea what is going in & out of my account for 8 months now, as I get no statement, with this online account!! & when I asked for a statement, until my online banking was working, they said no can do! Infuriating!! I had no trouble when they were Alliance & Leicester, but it's been nothing but a nightmare since they have changed to Santander.

Watched 'Loose Women', then 'May The Best House Win' In Scotland today, nothing as good as the fab house from Cornwall yesterday! Then popped to the shop for the paper, it's horrible dark, cold & rainy out. Then as I'm brassic I went to Iceland & bought 2 weeks worth of veg & fish, plus peanut butter for £35. Discovered I'd won a £5 Wilkinson's voucher online (every little helps) Had a cheese, veggie bacon & salad sandwich, with Twiglets for lunch. Watched Come Dine With Me & the New Coach Trip then read the paper.

I had a Hot spicy King Prawn Curry, with a side salad, instead of with rice, for dinner, with a chunky KitKat for dessert. Then popped round to Jennies, as she'd asked me to. Watched 'Cougar Town' & then 'Gok's Clothes Roadshow' I was avoiding 'The Brit Awards 2011' as it was hosted by James Corden, and I can't bare watching him, he so rates himself, and comes over as so smug, vain & false, I don't find him, or his character Smithy remotely funny, in fact not even mildly amusing. 

Candie told me when I was at her house last week, that she'd recently met several people that are, or had, worked with him. All of them said he was a arsehole & a nightmare to work with, adding he has a ego even bigger than his belly, She said all the things I didn't like, or have assumed about him, they'd all confirmed to be the case.

I watched the last episode of "Big Fat Gypsy Weddings" supposedly about the prejudice against them, mainly some pubs/restaurants with NO TRAVELERS signs, some Hotel venues not wanting them to have their weddings there & cancelling booked ones, once the fact it's a Gypsy do, is uncovered & a few over zealous police at a horse fare (hardly shock horror stories) Chatted to Jennie for a bit & had a slice of Nuttella on toast & a apple with a Diet Coke before leaving around 11.30pm

I got home watched 'Snog, Marry, Avoid?' & then 'Hotter Than My Daughter' some horrors in both & some horrific make overs, Hotter than my daughters presenter Liz McLarnon must of really pissed off the hair & make-up people, as they gave her a 50's pin curl in her fringe with 50's make-up of red lipstick, white eyeshadow and black liquid liner which sooooooooo didn't suit her & aged her about 30years!! Yet she looked cute in her link snippets in beige with a side ponytail & natural make-up. 

After that I watched 'The Big Fat Truth About Low Fat Foods' Then crashed out at 2am (Calories consumed 1,872)

Wednesday 16th Feb, I had a really complex dream, with loads going on, yet all I can recall is having a dog on a lead, that occasionally turned into a handsome, muscular, man with black hair & wearing black leather trousers, a black vest & sunglasses, with the collar & lead on, crawling on all fours & then changing back to a dog again, most odd!!! Got on the scales WTF!!..............

I have gained 2lb!! so that's 2 3/4lb gained since I started these diet pills, on Friday 4th February. That's 2 3/4lb gained in 13days that's crazy, it's not as if my calorie intake has been excessive. 2,000 is recommended amount for a woman & 1,500 is usual amount on diet, I have rarely been above 2,000 and even below 1,200 sometimes!! These tablets are meant to make you lose 6-8lb (3-4kg) a month Without Dieting!! Not gain nearly 3lb in 2 weeks!! Something definitely is not right! My friend Kathryn has lost 7lb on them & her husband 10lb! Grrrrrrrrrrrr!!!

I had Bran Flakes, with a sliced apple in for breakfast, with a Diet Coke to wash the (non slimming) slimming pills down with. Popped to the shop & got a paper & Closer magazine. Checked my hotmail & found I had received an invite, to the Cast & Backers Screening of  'Losing It'  (The Short Film I was in) To be held in London on Saturday March 26th. 

I watched 'Loose Women' The News and 'May The Best House Win' Then had a quick flick through the paper & Closer magazine. Then I did a load of ironing! (Boring!!) While watching 'The Real Housewives Of Orange County' while snacking on a mini bag of Mini Cheddars. Then I mopped the bathroom & kitchen floor, the useless bloody maintenance men still haven't been back to paint my window ledge (it's been paint free, up against the elements since late July, early August!! the bloody wood will be rotten by the time its painted!!) And my key hole surround, from when my front door was painted, back in June/July still hasn't been replaced either (bone idle, inept morons!!)

Had lunch of Salmon & Prawn Linguine, with 2 slices of  Polish Sunflower Bread, then took a diet pill washed down with a Diet Decaf Coke & then took the rubbish out & did the washing up. 4pm was online job searches time & applied for numerous jobs & auditions as per usual. Then after perusing the paper I settled down to watch 'Home & Away' then did some dusting, before it was dinner time. I has a King Prawn Vindaloo with Basmati rice, it was the 1st time I'd had a Vindaloo & I was expecting it to be much, much hotter than it was. 

I then watched 'Beauty & The Beast: The Ugly Face of Prejudice' The Beauty Queen (Miss Manchester) beauty this week was vile & wasn't beautiful inside or out! She was so judgemental & dismissive of Andy Tedder, born with a rare genetic condition, that affects his appearance. Twitter was going mental with people slating her! Then it suddenly hit me. Chanel 4 had contacted me last year, about being on the show. I guess the fact that I have had no plastic surgery (I can't afford it, even if I wanted it) & from the answers I gave them, I guess I didn't sound self obsessed & looks obsessive enough, to of been picked, for their show. 

I then watched something I'd never watched before 'Human Target' on FIVER USA, which was good, then a wildlife documentary on Ch4 called 'The Elephant: Life After Death' Examining what happens to the carcass of a recently deceased Elephant, seeing what creatures feed off, the Millions of calories of meat & how quickly it becomes a bag of bones carcass (A mere matter of days) Then read more of the paper & Closer magazine, before crashing out at 2am (Calories consumed 1,524)

Thursday 17th Feb, I had a busy dream, but I can no longer recall it. I woke at 7.45am & got up & had a bath & washed my hair. Today I'm being a Cougar, on Peaches Geldoff's, New Show OMG, starting soon on ITV2. I wrapped hair in towel & smothered myself in body lotion & then slipped on my Juicy Couture tracksuit, while it soaked in & I dried my hair. Had some Bran Flakes with an apple sliced into it for breakfast. Then popped to the shop for today's Sun paper. It's horrible cold & rainy out today & I was wondering what to wear, in my role as Cougar today? I'm thinking the other Cougars will be in short, sexy, jewel coloured, Satin/Lycra or Sequined dresses & killer sparkly heels. So I'm thinking maybe I should dress it down & be a bit more dark/rocky/punky to look different & therefore stand out?!! Also it will be more comfy to commute in!!

Watched 'This Morning' & 'Loose Women' then I did my make-up, smokey eyes, and caramel lip gloss & put in my half wig (to look more Cougar like) Also it will brave the rainy weather better than my own hair, which will go into ringlets in the rain! I decided on black studded leggings, black vest top with chains on, a chunky silver chain belt, worn as a necklace, a studded leather wrist cuff, plus a studded leather hair-band to coordinate with it & my long black boots, rather than being all glammed up in a evening dress & heels, like I expect the others to be. 

I had a Vegetable Casserole with Basmati Rice for lunch & put a small pkt of Mini Cheddars in my Moschino shopper bag (as I have no idea, when I will next get a chance to eat!!) Then I pulled on my long black coat & pulled down my black sequinned beanie/beret, to protect my fringe from the elements. 

ITV Building

Then I set off into the rain at 3.30pm to make sure I was at ITV studios, in time for 5pm (in case of train problems & to avoid the rush hour) & did the 15min walk to the station in the rain.

My British Rail Admirer

I got to the Train Station & was served by my Network South East Admirer, and we had a bit of fun banter, then I got the fast train to Kings Cross, reading some of the paper en route. I got to Kings Cross & did the long walk to the tube station. Got on the Northern Line to go to Waterloo, way ahead of schedule, then after just 1 stop we were sat in a tunnel for 45mins, due to a backlog of trains, due signal failures at Kennington, due to flooding (Bloody typical!!  always when you need to be somewhere & are on schedule, something always happens that F#@ks it up!!)

When we got to the next stop we were told, it could be anything up to a hr before it goes forward & we were advised to use alternative routes, that meant me getting on the Metropolitan line, then the Circle line, to get to Embankment, then onto the Bakerloo line to Waterloo, great!! When I got to the Circle line, there were delays on the line, due to signal failures too (but according to the tannoy all other underground lines, except the northern line, had excellent services, just my soddin luck!!) As I travelled, I was wondering what the other Cougars would be like? & if they had Luscious Liz? The Scottish Cougar, from 'Come Dine With Me' now that would be great fun, she terrified the young, good looking guy, on her Episode! 

Luscious Liz?

Thanks to the underground, I got to the ITV studios 30mins late & sweaty (from being sandwiched in the rush hour throng) at 5.30pm. Luckily it was also the same with many of the other Cougars inc Janice Dickinson, who was stuck in transport somewhere. I was ushered up to the Cougar Green Room & I recognised one cougar instantly (even without my lenses) Heidi from 'Take Me Out' the one that's often compared to Urika Johnson.The rest I didn't recognise but all seemed smiley & friendly I was shocked to see everyone except Heidi & one other woman were all wearing BLACK (So much for my theory of standing out against a jewel coloured array of party dressed Cougars lol) Heidi had a champagne coloured satin dress on like I was expecting everyone to wear, and the other woman had a leopard print dress on.

The Cougars!!

I was very sweaty from the heat of the tube & my fringe was pretty flat to my head, when I took off my hat to sort hair, a couple of the cougars said to keep the sequinned hat on, as it added more Edge to my outfit. One said she liked my chunky chain necklace (a belt) I got chatting with the girls & had a glass or two of white wine. Then we had a run through, of where to stand etc, we were going to be sent into the audience, where the cubs were with gold (Yellow) coins. We were to be given glass jugs, for the cubs to put their coins into (bet there is a pun by a presenter there, I thought) Then it was back to the green-room, Peaches Geldof was in there, and topped up my wine for me, before posing for some pictures with us all & then going off, with a production team member.

A Peach Among Cougars!!

My face felt sweaty from the tube journey, so I popped into make-up & she applied some translucent powder to my face, saying I'd done an excellent job of my make-up (I use to be a Versace Make-up Artist) Then she put a bit of bronzer on my cleavage. Then cutie pie Steve pulled me away from the rest, he said there was a line they wanted said & he thought, the other Cougars were unlikely to say it, but I probably would. I asked what it was? he said "Well you know how in Beauty Queen Pageants how they always say they want 'World Peace' etc, well we want you to say, Sod World Peace I Want To Fuck A Cub!" 

To be honest I was not comfortable with saying that, I like a bit of smut or innuendo, but vulgarity really isn't my bag! Obviously with the show being called OMG, they are obviously wanting a comment like that, for a OMG moment! I said "That's just not the kind of thing I'd say, how about world peace is OK but I'd rather ravish a cub?" But he pulled a face & said "Can't you say Fuck!?" Well mum & dad are no longer alive, to let down & I doubt my siblings would tune in, anyway, but........

I thought about it, but it was so coarse, it's just so not me, so I compromised & said "I'll say Shag but not Fuck!!" He settled for that & I asked when my cue would be & he said "Don't worry you'll know when the time arrives, it will be obvious!" (Now I know what your thinking, I use the F word enough in my Blogs, why have a problem saying it?) Well I don't tend to swear verbally, all the swearing on my blogs, are the thoughts going on in my head *a lot of swearing goes on in my mind* but actually saying it out loud verbally, is quite a different matter, especially when put in a sentence, where the context is just not me at all!! If you ever hear me swear out loud, you can guaranteed it's due to one of two reasons, I'm either VERY ANGRY or VERY DRUNK or BOTH!!

I went back to the Greenroom & finished my wine & chatted to the Cougars, Cougar Susan was lovely, one Cougar Ruth, I think would of probably said the F word, if Steve had asked her to. A photo list of the cubs, had been accidentally left on the table, and we perused it, I knew one of them Davey, he was the 'Cool Kid' when I was the 'Cougar' in a Game Show Pilot & he's Gay!! Oh well that's one gold coin for me at least, I laughed to myself.

Other than one guy, who looked fairly attractive in his pic, I wouldn't look twice at the bunch of pimply youths, on offer on the list, they looked like they had been rounded up from the local young offenders institute! Not a classy sophisticated one among them!! When I think of a Cub I picture someone funny & intelligent with the looks of, Brodie Jenner, not this shower on offer. One of them could make a good living as a celebrity double, but sadly of Kirk from Coronation St!!..... I'd rather have ITV employee Steve, any day, even with his nervy Shaggy from Scooby Doo phone voice.

Brodie, My Idea Of A Cub 
Kirk, ITV's Idea Of A Cub

We were lead into the audience, to mingle with & seduce the cub prey. I spotted the Kirk looky likey straight away & headed for him, assuming the others would not be interested (I was right) I thought it would be better to, really talk to 5 or 6 and take a real interest in them, than waft round superficially flirting with anyone & everyone. 

Next there were two identical twins, except one had 3 moles on his right cheek, near his nose, which just by being there made them non Identical, which I found Quite fascinating, I also discovered the twins called Erdo (with moles) & Mehmet (no moles) were Turkish, as was their cub friend with them, brilliant I thought & chatted & flirted with them, in Turkish. 

Then I chatted away to them, in English about Turkey, a floor manager told us to keep the level down, as the show was going on on stage (but to be honest, even if nobody was speaking, the volume on stage was so low, that you couldn't hear what they were saying on stage, as it was sounding quiet, and muffled, due to the bad acoustics!) The camera crew came out, into the crowd a few times & I got on camera talking, with my arms around The Twins, The Kirk look alike & Davey, who had come over at that point, and I'd said to go for a drink after.

 Clowning Around With Davey

The break came & the Cougars were herded off & lined up & given a jug each, then we walked along the stage & lined up (jugs in hand finnar finnar!!) while Janice Dickinson was freaking out about the Turkish Twins, who she called "The Peter Andre Twins" Then one of the presenters 'Aled Hayden Jones' said to me "So what do you think about World Peace?" .......

OK so that's my cue, so I said "Wellllllll World Peace is all well & good!! but I want to get out there & shag a cub!" As I inwardly cringed!! The presenter said something about me being being scary "Oh OK!" I thought "So they want me for the role of scary Cougar!!" We went out into the crowd, with our jugs, to collect our coins. I got one of of Davey (expected) and one off of the Kirk lookey likey (kinda expected) BUT the Turkish Twins & their friend, who I made a real effort with, ALL pushed past me & gave their coins to Heidi, who they'd never even spoken to?? Was it because they watched her on 'Take Me Out' & fancied her?? I said to them "What the Hell??" & they shrugged their shoulders.

Yet three guys, that I hadn't chatted to, rushed over to me to give me their coins (one of which was a camera man, in headphones, I guess he saw, and appreciated the effort I'd made!) I never saw any other Cougars making any real effort, to work the crowd, except for Ruth. So I had 5 coins & Heidi & her friend had 13 each, Ruth had none (I don't know how many the rest got??) Now if the Turkish boys had given me the 3 coins, not Heidi, She would still have beaten me 10-8 but it would of felt more fair. 

We were called back up on stage, by the presenter Aled, with me on one side of him, Heidi on the other. He asked how I'd done? I said "Five but I feel cheated by the Turkish guys, I think I deserved 8!" He said "Yeah that surprised me!" Going to the twins & saying "What happened guys?" and they said "We prefer classy girls!!" What?? I was classy & chatted to them about Turkish history etc. OK I clowned around flirting, in Turkish, but they knew that was just a bit of fun! It's that "Shag a Cub" comment they asked me to say, coming back to bite me in the Ass!! 

So it was a tie between Heidi & her friend & Janice got to pick the winner & she picked Heidi, in her Champagne Coloured Dress. So Heidi got a pretty Tiara Crown & a bunch of flowers. Oh well I got 3 lots of camera time, that might earn me a paid interview or two, in one or two of the gossip mags. 

 With Heidi & Janice

When the filming was over, I chatted to Janice in the studio, I expected her to be a lot taller, being an ex Super Model, but she was the same height as me!! The 3 Turks all came up to me, talking about swapping numbers, and going for a drink & going back to theirs (ehhhh nooooooo I don't think so!) I said "You have got to be kidding, you give your coins to someone else, then allude to the fact I have no class! Then want me to give you my number & go back to yours!!" They said "Sorry about that, but we were told to give them to her!!" (WHAT!!!!?) 

Now I Like Cougar June & I Like Cougar Janice!
But Which One Is Best?
Only One Way To Tell!!..........Fight!!!

Hmmmm that kinda makes sense, as I didn't see her chatting to loads of people, in fact anyone (but then I was busy, talking Turkish) But yet she got 13coins, I thought it was just because, they knew her from 'Take Me Out' Hmmm another ITV fix? Hmmm maybe (but they could be lying) If it is a fix why? It's not as if it's a serious competition with a big prize?? If it is, why Heidi? Maybe because she already has a TV profile at mo? or maybe because her dress is more befitting a crown??  Oh well, who cares, whatever!!

 OK Who Pinched Janice's Bum??

We had some photos with Janice Dickinson, then I asked Heidi if she wanted to join Ruth, Davey & the gang for a drink, in the pub, across the road? She said she couldn't as she had a train to catch, so Heidi, Ruth & I clowned around a bit, by the ITV signs in reception.

After that Davey, Ruth, The 3 Turks, The Corrie Kirk looky likey, a short black guy, that gave me his coin, a tall black male friend of Ruth's (that didn't give her his coin, WTF!!!!?) A short male friend of Davey's & a black Bi girl, who was Davey's friend called Steffie all headed over to the pub, with me (lol 2 cougars & 8 cubs) As I walked in the pub, someone, who obviously was in the OMG audience, called out "It's The Cougar!!" which made me laugh. 

Just got to the pub around 10pm & saw message on my phone from Ian sent at 8.30pm saying "Stick around as I'll come back in for a catch up & one night outing if it comes to it, & me paying your fare tomorrow. Don't know when I'll next see you otherwise x" I ordered a pint of Cider (classy as!!!) & I had just paid for it, when Ian called, to ask where I was? I said in the pub opposite ITVs building, at Waterloo, he said he'd be there soon as!

We sat at the back of the pub in a group & Ruth gave me her mobile number, email address & facebook account details, she said she could send, lots of work my way, so we will see!! Twin Erdo wrote down his facebook & said to add him, I was still teasing him about not giving me his coin!! & he was still insisting that, he was told to give it to Heidi Hmmmmmmmmm!!?? 

Ian Text "You are so staying out. I'll be there at 11 X" Chatted some more to Davey, and his friend Steffie, who was flirting with me. Poor Ian arrived just as they'd called last orders, so he had some of my Cider & chatted with the group, until it was chucking out time. Then a bunch of us headed for the tube, I Gave Davey & Steffie a hug & a kiss goodbye, then Ian & I headed to the West End & to G.A.Y Late!!

In the queue, I was chatting to this guy, and his fag hag behind us, I said I was dying for a pee, but hoped it was a different toilet attendant in the duel sex toilet tonight. The fag hag said "What that black woman?" I nodded & she added "She is an absolute bitch!!! I don't know why they employ her??" I said "I'm glad its not just me! if she is the attendant Cheryl Cole assaulted I can totally understand why!!" the girl said "Yeah she is a total cow!!" 

I said "Last time I was here I came out of the toilet & washed my hands, then walked to the mirror, went to apply my lip gloss, while a gay guy was chatting to me, and she screamed 'Oi you get out' I replied 'I'm putting my lip gloss on!!' & she went 'not here your not, fuck off' I was totally shocked, I wasn't sure if it was part of an act & she was meant to be rude, like in 'Wong Key' in China Town? Or if she was purposely trying to wind me up, to go for her, so she could claim compensation?" The girl nodded adding "I know what you mean, the woman's vile!"

We got In to the club & Ian went to the bar, and I went to spend a penny, the same vile black female attendant was in there, but as it was fairly early, the toilet was not that rammed & she seemed less shouty. I was just waiting for a cubicle to become unoccupied, when one to my right opened. Next thing I knew I had a hand in the small of my back propelling me towards the opening cubicle door, with force, with the word "GO!!" bellowing in my ear. I had to veer to the right, to stop myself colliding with the poor guy coming out of the cubicle, whacking into door frame as I did so, ouch!! I managed to re apply my lip gloss, on coming out, without abuse though, I can't imagine that bitch ever gets tips!?

Came back out & Ian had got me a Cider & a White Wine for himself, a group of handsome, half naked, gay men, pulled me up on a podium with them & I danced for a bit, before joining Ian outside, while he had a cigarette. We went back in for another round of drinks & a black sambuka shot, while stood at the bar, some fag hag with her fag, was being flirty, with me. Ian laughed & said "Last time we were out, you were pulling hot guys & tonight you have had two women all over you!!" I laugh & said I guess it's coz I switched my perfume today!!" 

We continued the pattern of, drinks, dancing, shots, outside for a fag (the gay variety in my case) until we left G.A.Y around 3am ish, famished we hit a small fast food joint & stuffed our face, then we got the night bus to Ian's. It was then I noticed I had a massive bruise & graze on my right forearm, thanks to my shove by the Vile G.A.Y toilet attendant!

We got off the bus, stopping at his local 24hr Off Licence, for a bottle of white wine for him & two K Ciders for me (I LOVE K Cider, classy bitch that I am!) We went back to his & watched some of his Sky + TV recordings, there was a bunch of a odd, USA TV show 'Bridalplasty' where a bunch of brides to be compete, to have a complete plastic surgery makeover, before their wedding. 

It was most odd, but much as I wanted to continue watching, at 5am I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer, I'd also hardly touched my 1st can of K (most unlike me) so I borrowed one of Ian's T-Shirts & left Ian watching TV & crashed in his King Sized bed & was out for the count!! (Calories consumed 1,973)

Friday 18th Feb, We woke around 10.30am & had a wash, took some time getting the G.A.Y stamp off my hand, luckily I had my make-up bag with me this time, fixed hair & make-up got dressed & we set off for Camden, Sharing last nights 2nd can of K for breakfast (classy!!) and on the train to Camden, we chatted about, Egyptology, Mythology, Ramses the 2nd, plus Roman and Turkish History. I haven't been to Camden for years, it was my 80's 90's haunt. 

I got Serious Deja Vu, as we walked past the stalls, we used the public toilets & were both shocked by how nice, clean & roomy they were!! We stopped at a food stall & I had some veggie noodles with added vegetables, eaten by the canal. We chatted about this & that, as we watched the world go by, sat on seats, that looked like the back end of Vespers, with three cute guys, speaking Spanish to my left. Some cute cheeky Starlings came up to me, so I gave them some noodles. Then we wandered through the Camden Market.

We then headed off to Cyberdog (A Real Deja Vu, blast from the past!!) Wow it's really been made over, it looks great & even has cage dancers, on each boutique floor, and a fab, huge, faux, robots at the entrance, anyone who is a regular reader of my blog, will know I LOVE Robots (I even have a bit of a girly crush on Titan The Robot!!) R2D2 was my 1st love though, Johnny 5 my 2nd!

The music was really making me want to dance all round the shop. The Bright Techno club clothes, were great, in their fluorescent colours, with their skimpiness & cut outs (more Deja Vu of my Raving days!! I must of been one of the rare few Ravers, NOT doing Drugs!!) I'd love the clothes, if I was in my late teens early 20's again now!! 

I could of happily spent all afternoon in there, dancing (lol maybe I should bring in a CV, and see if they have any cage dancer vacancy's, a middle aged one would be a novelty!!) 

I found this baseball cap, with a cute teddy pinned by all its limbs to it, with rubberised blood coming from each paw, like a stigmata bear, and I was laughing at it & Ian bought it, and wore it as we strolled through Camden. He called the bear Polo, as it was the bear with a hole!

We sat in the outside area of a bar, that overlooked the Canal (sorry can't recall the name, see above) I bet its both packed & lovely to sit there in the summer. Ian showed me his journal & red me one of his poems. I used the back page to demonstrate, to Ian, how to draw a proportioned body, as he said in his artwork, that's what he has the most difficulty with, I use to do a lot of life drawings, so I find drawing figures pretty quick & easy to do.

Ian took a couple of pics of me in his NEW cap, with me pulling stupid faces & then we headed up Camden High St, to 'The Black Cap' (Another Deja Vu  Blast From The Past)

 Channelling Janet Jackson's Rhythm Nation
We had a couple of drinks & a chat. It reminded me of My Lesbian friend Beryl, who use to work for Capital Radio, when I worked opposite her in Googe Street, years ago. We eventually got a tube, around 7.30pm & said our goodbye's at Kings Cross. 

Got back in St Albans around 8.30pm & got a portion of chips, from a fish & chip shop, on the way home & I had them with a couple of veggie sausages I grilled, when I got in & ate it while watching 'The Mentalist' then did a few tweets on Twitter, and updated my Facebook status. 

Added several of the Cougars on my Facebook, and Twin Erdo & discovered he works for ITV, hmmmmm now I am beginning to believe it was a fix, and he WAS told who to give his coin to!! I then had an early night around 12-1am (Calories consumed 1,509)

Saturday 19th Feb, woke up at 10am ravenous, so had a bowl of Fruit & Fibre & two slices of polish sunflower bread, toasted with peanut butter, washed down with coke with a diet pill  (these diet pills are not working, I'm gaining weight & I will glad when the test is over & I go back to dieting again!) I slobbed round in leggings & over sized T-shirt & mopped the kitchen floor (even though, by tomorrow, it will look like it's never been done, as usual!! (eternally filthier than my mind!!) 

Popped to the shop for a Sun paper, then sorted out some old paperwork, and receipts, into files. Forced myself to watch the repeat of the Brit Awards on ITV2 at 1pm. Can't say I enjoyed it, and James Corden's crap presenting didn't help (why is he on everything, has everyone in TV been fooled "The Emperors New Clothes" style, that he is actually as good, as HE thinks he is!??) 

I finished off most of last weeks blog (still trying to catch up) will add photos tomorrow and post, chatted a bit to my friends on Twitter & Facebook, Nerissa is stressed, as the Sunday Mirror has contacted her re a story about "The Real Hustle" being faked they said they are running the story, she is going to be mentioned in it, she was told, either she could tell her side of the story in the paper, or they are going to run it anyway, they were not willing to pay her for her story. 

Typical, but if she feels if she doesn't respond, she could be portrayed wrongly, so she felt compelled to give an answerer (personally I'd of let them go to print, with no quote & if they wrote BS which many do, I'd of then taken them to the PCC, The Press Complaints Comity) Like I did when Marie Claire printed a totally Fictitious story about me, after cut & shunting, absolute bullshit between two quotes, I'd made for an article <that was never printed & I was never paid for, about something totally different > basically, what this article was about, was stealing married men off their wives, something that not only have I never done, but also is something I am STRONGLY AGAINST!! 

I bloody took them to the PCC & they had to print a retraction. I have never bought, or read that magazine again, as I no longer believe a word of it's Editorials, after the absolute fabrication of a story about me!! If I ever get famous (Highly unlikely I know) But if I did, I would refuse to do anything for Marie Claire EVER!!!. So now Nerissa is panicking, that it will go Negative on her & she will miss out on extra/reality work, it will die down, I think she is worrying over nothing to be honest.

I use to do loads of The Vanessa Shows (As well as The Time & The Place, Kilroy, Tricia, Friday Night Live etc at £50 -£300 a time for 10-30mins work in the 80's 90's) I wasn't got from an agency though I was spotted on a show, talking about a subject they were about to discuss next, on one of their shows & I then went on to do 30-40 of these shows, back in the day, which I was paid for. 

But I think it was wrong that The Vanessa Show, was suddenly decommissioned, after being accused of being fake!! As all of the shows Kilroy/Tricia etc did it & it wasn't fake, because every story, on that days subject, that I told on stage, was 100% true!! And every reaction, or question I asked, when in the audience, was 100% genuine!!.... 

It wasn't FAKE, the story's were true, but having at least one person on stage, who was more TV savvy, meant there was less chance off all the guests drying up & having nothing to say. Plus having four paid people in the audience, two against the topic discussed, and two for the topic, means your guaranteed that, at least four people will ask questions of those on stage (as in general the public don't want to speak up, but after one or two plants do they follow like sheep) That doesn't make it FAKE in my eyes!

I had a Weight Watchers, Vegetable, Thin Based Pizza, with some Weight Watchers, tomato'ed potato wedges, for lunch, with a diet pill & did a blue/green wash, then hung it out to dry on my radiator hanging racks. Hoovered my stairs, my back and shoulders are killing today, but did 100squats with my Swiss Ball, in centre of my back, up against a wall, to help protect my weak back at mo. 

Read the paper, did some job searches & the washing up & put a white wash in the machine. Cleaned the inside of the windows & then it was Saturday TV time! 'Lets Dance For Comic Relief' where Jordan, AKA Katie Price, was a good sport & sent herself up and did a fair take off, of Freddie Mercury, in a take off of Queens 'I Want To Break Free' complete with moustache & hairy armpits. 

Meanwhile, Russell Kane, did a Beyonce 'Crazy In Love' take off not bad, but in the Blonde wig, I kept thinking that he looked like, the tall blonde one, from Bananarama. 

Russell Kane & Bananarama 
But Which is Which?

Then it was 'Harry Hills TV Burp' on ITV +1 & then 'Take Me Out' with fellow Cougar 37yr Heidi. Oh I so would, the 1st guy on there, Ryan from Southampton, good choice of music, Paradise City by Guns & Roses, even though his accent was a bit ruff and ready, East End Barrow Boy!! 

Nice Clothes, Cute face, Fab bod when he was stripped fire eating!! My Light Would deffo of stayed on, even with his rather cocky arrogance!! I do like a bit of Arrogant Confidence!! Twitter was awash with guys slating him, calling a wanker, yet 90% of the girls were in my camp of LIKEY!!! There is now even a 'Ryan From Take Me Out Appreciation Society' page on Facebook click HERE for a link to it!! (Now THAT is my idea of a cub!!)

No dates for Heidi this week, she wont tell us if she got a Date, but she did say that they only filmed one show a day, and most of the 1st half of the day is, in Hair & Make-up for the girls (they obviously hate the twins then, as they normally get The Bride of Frankenstein hair!!) 

Then it was time for the Rampant 'The Tudors' very gory today, but great viewing! I wasn't hungry enough for a dinner so had two slices of Polish Sunflower Bread, toasted with Peanut Butter, with a sliced Banana on top, with a mini pack of Mini Cheddars, plus a Diet Coke. Then Chilled for the night reading my Marilyn Monroe book. (Calories Consumed 1,785)

Sunday 20th Feb, Woke at 10am, had a wash & slipped on jeans & shocking neon pink Jane Norman T-shirt, with a silver studded crown on the front & popped out to the shop for a paper. I got my NOTW, but they had sold out of the Sunday Mirror, that Nerissa is in but you can read the story, if you click HERE

I had Fruit & Fibre with a sliced banana for breakfast, finished last weeks Blog & posted it, and then read the NOTW, the front page says ITV is in chaos, as Simon Cowell & Cheryl Cole exit Xfactor, OK Simon's expressions during auditions & put downs will be missed, but Cheryl will be easily replaced, she isn't nothing more than a pretty faced, clothes horse, with a tendency for sympathy tears!! 

There was also pictures of her out with a Mystery Blonde Hunk!! (Mystery YES, Blonde YES, Hunk NO!!!!) He looked like a scruffy long haired tramp, with his baggy cargo pants crotch/bum hanging down like a toddler with a full nappy in its trousers YUCK!!

Dancing On Ice judge Jason, has received death threats for his critiques of the celebs (if you can call them that) on the show. Oh grow up and get a life you pathetic lot!! Fantastic Pics From 'Sports Illustrated' of Ronaldo's Stunning Girl friend, Irina Shayk. Now she is what I call a Natural Beauty, absolutely flawless!! The guy has impeccable taste in women.

I watched the Marilyn Monroe Film 'Gentlemen Prefer Blondes' I love that era & that film, the dresses, outfits & costumes are stunning, the glamour today, is not as glamorous, as the glamour of the 1950's!! I had half of a Deep Pan 3 Cheese Pizza, with some salad for lunch.

Put away my dry laundry, that didn't need ironing, did a few chores then it was 'Dancing On Ice' time & time to write my revue of the show, to read it click HERE!!

I had the other half of the Cheese Pizza for dinner, with some mustard on the side, then watched 'That Sunday Night Show' did some more chores, up until 'Comedy Rocks' came on, one guy who I haven't seen before was very funny!! I got peckish so had two slices of toast & peanut butter & a coffee. Had a Early night as Neck & shoulders hurt so much, I want to cry!! (Calories consumed 1,565)

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