Thursday, 3 February 2011

The Gay Ole Week After, The Week Before

Monday 24th Jan, Had a weird dream, where I saw a naked woman walking along a shoreline, where some kind of fish like, sea-monster leaped from the waves & ripped her head off & yet she turned & walked into the sea headless!! God only knows what that's all about!!?? I had some Sugar free Alpen & a coffee for breakfast, put a few more bits back in back room, then got dressed in my black wet look leggings & a long black polo neck, with patch pockets & my long flat boots. Pulled on scarf, gloves & woolly hat & long black coat as it's Very COLD out!!

I went and checked out jobs, in the Job Centre, then I posted a package of funny stories, ripped from magazines, to my favourite aunt, Aunty Babs, like my mum use to, when she was alive. Last month, when I called my aunt,in the afternoon, to wish her a Happy New Year on Dec 31st, she told me that her cancer was back, which was awful news, after thinking she had fought it & won, due to good results earlier in the year! So maybe they will make her laugh for a bit & distract her from her cancer briefly. Then I popped round to see Stanley & Betty & took them down the park, for a few hours, for some exercise for me & them! 

My Favorite Aunt Babs On The Left
Her Sister, My Late Mum,  On The Right

Then due to being short on money, I grabbed my Moschino Cheep & Chic shopper & went down to Iceland for some vegetarian & fish based frozen food, as I can get 1-2wks shopping there for a mere £25. Got home cold & hungry, So I had some potato wedges, with broccoli, in a mushroom sauce, to stop the rumbling tummy & warm myself up. I did some more putting back stuff, in the back room, but had to stop as neck & shoulders were just so painful I could cry!! Role on Feb 8th I badly need that Acupuncture the pain is so bad & pain killers have little effect, but to lessen the pain somewhat, at best! Roll on Feb 8th!!

ITV called me and asked me about being in a new show O.M.G and asked me to come to the studios Tuesday. I asked if they would cover my expenses? as I'm short right now, cash flow wise, and they said yes. So I'm booked to go to the ITV studio's in Waterloo at 3.30pm tomorrow. Should be interesting! They want me for a show on Cougar's so it should also be amusing too!! Text Ian about it and we had a good laugh about it. Had some Twiglets while doing some ironing, then read The Sun paper 

I got a bit peckish at dinner time, so I had a Weight Watchers Salmon Risotto, which was quite tasty, then watched The biggest loser. those outfits they have to wear for the weigh in (especially the girls ones) are quite cruel, but I guess it shows up later, just how well the ones that get to the end have done. The American & Australian versions of this show, are in a totally different class!! 

Success !!

Just wished they did one for us middle of the road lot, with 2-4st to lose, nothing more motivating than personal trainers & the nation watching you get on a set of scales!! Then I watched Episodes, the 1st one I have seen, since ex fling Matt LeBlanc is in it, OK so so I won't be breaking my neck not to miss it!!

Then it was Tool Academy, when the vilest Tool of the lot Liam was thrown out, after they showed his poor Girlfriend Toni, what the vile two timing rat had done behind her back (which must of been awful for her) Just hope she kicks him to touch now!! I hate cheating scum bags, who are cocky about it too & badmouth their trusting partners! I have never cheated on anyone in my life, if one person is not enough for you, you have no business being in a relationship!! Then I realised I'd missed Chatty Man, bugger I'll have to watch the repeat.

Peckish I had a Curlywurly & an apple, I was excited to see RuPauls Drag Race was starting on E4 at 1am, but alas it was not a new show but a repeat (I got excited as new show starts in USA today) So went to bed to be fresh for ITV in the morning. (Calories Consumed 1,291)

RuPauls Drag Race - Start Your Engines!!

Tuesday 25th Jan, woke at 8.30am, got up had a wash & washed hair. Had Sugar Free Alpen & a coffee for breakfast, while watching the tragedy that is Jeremy Kyle. Then I did my make-up a bit less natural than usual (needing to look the Cougar part) Changed into Jane Norman black, studded leggings, my black jersey, Jane Norman blouse, with white collar cuffs & studding detail, plus my long black boots, with the zip all the way up the back!! 

My Jane Norman, Black Jersey Blouse

Then put my Rachel half wig into my hair, with a diamanté hair-band over a black jersey one to tie in with my outfit, which all together looks Cougar enough, while still being warm enough, to cope in this cold rainy weather, that we have at the moment. I had a Smoked Salmon & Pea Farfalle from Iceland for lunch, which was surprisingly good!!

In My Rachel Half Wig

Set off for the station at 2pm in my long black coat & with my black, grey & white Versace umbrella as it was windy & teeming down outside. I got the 300 bus to the City Station, then got my return Thameslink train ticket (not forgetting to get a receipt for expenses!) Caught the fast train to Kings Cross, then got the Northern Line to Waterloo. Then it was a simple short stroll, to meet up with Host of interview, Steve Harwood at The London Studios.

LWT The London Studios

I got there at 3.20pm & got a photo ID badge & they called Steve's extension to say I was downstairs. I was expecting, a scrawny, mousy, timid, Shaggy from Scooby Doo lookie likey to greet me. As his voice always sounded a bit hesitant, nervous & trembly on the phone, I hoped that was due to him not being comfortable on the phone (rather than due to him finding me scary, from my online agency profile) So when this dark haired, swarthy hottie, turned up, I was pleasantly surprised. He had a kind of Enrique Inglesias/Gavin Henderson mix about him. We had a chat and a laugh on the lift up to his office floor (15th I think) He was really chatty & not timid, so he must just be bad on the phone, making cold calls.

He ushered me into a glass partitioned wall room & went off to make me a coffee (which was very tasty, rare in offices) Then I was videoed by Steve, while a female colleague asked me questions, about past relationships with younger men, if the relationships were successful? what I liked about younger men? was the sex better, did I have any horror/funny/success stories? etc etc they seemed happy with what I had to say & asked if I'd be free Friday, or next week for filming, I said I was busy Friday (Showbusiness, filming etc) but I was free next week. 

Steve asked if I had ever been told I looked like anyone famous? I said "A mixture of celebs over the years" & wondered if he thought I did? & if so, if it would be any of them ? (Boy George, Kim Wild, Margaret Thatcher, Marilyn Monroe, Debbie Harry, Jennifer Saunders, Gwen Stefani, Fergie - BEP, Joanna Lumley etc) I said "Why do I remind you of anyone?" to which he replied "Yes! Gerry Halliwell" Well that's a new one, I can't see it myself, unfortunately, as she has a cute little nose & I have a big Roman one! But thanks Steve very flattering!!!

Steve saw me to the lift & was very sweet, as I got out the lift at 5pm my friend Ian text me to ask how it went? I said I'd just finished & they asked me if I was free to film next week? Which is all very positive! He said he had a 5.20pm Doctors appointment, but could meet me for a catch up in Piccadilly Circus at 6pm, I said that was a go & headed for Waterloo station & got the Bakerloo line to Piccadilly arriving at 5.30pm & text Ian I was killing time in HMV. 

While perusing HMV's posters (after exhausting the CDs) I came across one of Ian's model tenants, Meddy Ford on a poster. Before she changed her hair from blonde to brunette. Posed naked sat on an amp, behind a guitar, titled Guitar Girl, I thought 'I wonder if Ian or Meddy knows that it's sold in HMV? I will show him when he gets here & see' There was a Nuts & Zoo poster too, I was surprised that Meddy wasn't in either of those!! Ian Text that the Docs was running late & he'd probably be there at 6.10pm so I continued window shopping in HMV. 

 Guitar Girl, Meddy Ford

At 6.35pm Ian called to say he was only just out of Doctors & was about to get a bus & to meet him by the lions in Trafalgar Square, in 15-20mins, so I killed a bit more time & dying for a pee, I stopped in Burger King for the loo & bought a portion of chips & a small Diet Coke. A man came in, well dressed salt & pepper hair & did a double take at me sat eating my fries, did a U-turn & came over. He said "Hi I can't believe it, this is the 2nd time I have seen you today, you were in Waterloo earlier!!" Taken aback I said "Yes I was! well recognised" 

He went to go back to the queue for food, wavered & came back again, adding "Well as its fate how about I take you out for dinner & Champagne some time??" I explained I didn't live in London, he said "No matter, lets exchange numbers, then we can meet up for drinks & dinner whenever your next in London" To be honest I normally go for younger guys, & I think this guy is 5-8yrs older? But he seemed charming, polite & smiley, and had a nice face so why not! So we exchanged numbers and Nick said "You stood out because of your stunning hair" I didn't have the heart to tell him, that most of it was a half wig lol.

My What Lovely Hair You Have!!

Set off to meet Ian by the lions, when at 6.34pm I got a text from Nick saying  "Hi amazing to bump into you again. Hope to be able to buy you dinner soon. Nick x" Wow keen!! got to lions at 6.45pm and Ian arrived around 6.50pm he said he liked my hair this way, with the half wig, rather than with the fake ponytail. 

In Fake Ponytail

We headed off to a bar, that Ian had wanted to show me, called 'Cellar Door' in Aldwich. Which is tiny & is a converted underground loo, that sells cocktails & is mirrored to look bigger & has clear glass toilet doors that frost up when you lock them, Tres Camp!! I had  a Gingerbread Ladyboy Cocktail (lol must be my inner Ginger Spice coming out!) Told Ian about my ITV meeting & about Nick asking me out in Burger King. 

 The Cellar Door Entrance
The Bar
The Cellar Door Crowd

We then went on to, 'The Porterhouse' Covent Garden, for one. I was going to have a pint of Cider (as I could make it last longer than a Vodka Slimline) but they don't have Cider on tap, only in expensively priced bottles (tut tut shame on you!) So I had a pint of shandy (classy) that & a large white wine & soda water came to £9.20 they obviously charge a lot for Soda water (not impressed most places do it for free or 20p) It is a straight pub & I'd forgotten how unsubtle straight guys are! They brazenly stared at my breasts, not in a subtle lowering of the eye's way, but in the whole head & eyes practically resting on my boobs way! I know they're ample & my blouse is pretty plunging, but it was so crazily obvious! Ian & I had to laugh!

Next stop was Kudos a funky looking Gay bar in Adelaide St, where I was the only female, the clientèle seemed to be predominantly, old gay businessmen, with a penchant for Thai/Oriental guys (Known as Rice Queens) the other way round & they are known as Potato Queens. On the table next to ours, by the main window, a couple had a "Ting-Tong Ding-Dong" going on. So Ian & I couldn't help but eavesdrop, into what the white haired, portly, well spoken, businessman in a suit & 3/4 coat, was saying to his short, slight, Oriental rent-boy, in jeans, khaki windcheater & bag slung across his body. 

The English guy was raising his voice saying "I don't give a Fuck what you do & who you do it with, when I'm not around!! But when your with me & I'm paying for your time I expect 100% of your attention!! I am not Fucking paying for you, to eye up and flirt with potential punters, while your with me!!! I'm not a Fucking Mug!! I could buy you 100 times over, I do not need this shit! I'm leaving you can Fuck off!! & do what you want, you wont be seeing me, or my money again!!" The business man then stormed off towards the back of bar, where the toilets were, with the rent boy pleading & fawning over him as he ran after him (we didn't see them again, so god knows where they vanished to?) 

Kudos Bar & The Ting-Tong Ding-Dong Window

Ian Popped out into the Evilly Bitter Cold Night, to have a cigarette & stood there on his todd, looking bored, so I did a window equivalent of a lap dance, to make him laugh, which he took a photo of (below)

Then I spotted Nick from Burger King had text me again at 7.54pm saying "Long shot but I am going to be finished with my after work drinks around 8.30pm If you are still around I would love to buy you a glass of Champagne? Nick x" 

Wow he really is keen, or desperate!! I replied "Thanks that's a nice thought, but I'm out in a gay bar catching up with a friend" Ian Came back in & I finished my Cider, when Nick text "Should I come & Join You?" Blimey a bit over eager!! I said "No I'm having a catch up with a friend who has had a tough two weeks & it would be rude to distract my time from him..... but thanks for the thought!!" He replied at 9.57pm "That's very impressive. You sound like a good friend, N x"

We then went to Ku Bar, which has hot gay barmen. They had a lot more women in than usual, so we guessed there must be a lesbian night downstairs & I had a tonic water & a blow job (a shot) we didn't stay long (too much fish on the menu, when Ian fancied a beef steak!!) & moved onto The Village for a spot of Karaoke. 

The Village

I was on the Vodka Slimlines & Ian had seduced me into staying the night & having a day together at the cinema, or something tomorrow. So Ian & I chose 3 songs each & took our song chits up to Drag Queen compare Heidi Liscious, 1st Ian sang "Chocolate Salty Balls" (from Southpark) I sang "Brass In Pocket" (By The Pretenders) While there we gained a Asian, Mr Bean like queen buddy. A hot Italian looking gay couple one tall & dark & one smaller with highlights came in, and cringed at Some guy, who was singing so badly, it was almost good, in a Xfactor rejects kind of way! Ian sang "Only You" (by Yazoo) I sang Fever (by Peggy Lee) the hot Italians came over to say I was good, which was nice, of them.

With Heidi Liscious (on a different night)

A few more singers went up then Ian tried a new song for him "Dizzy" (Vic Reeves version) He started out promising, but kind of lost it towards the end. Then I did my final Karaoke song for the night "Don't Speak" (by No Doubt) then we headed off to G.A.Y Late.

We chatted to two fun guys behind us in the queue, while a Hari Krishna unsuccessfully tried to sell his booklets (not exactly the right crowd to try to convert) We got in & oh boy were the rounds cheap in G.A.Y Late, compared to The Porterhouse it was under £6 for a large wine, pint of cider & 2 shots!! We popped outside while Ian had a cigarette. The Handsome Italian looking gay couple came in, when we'd just gone back inside & Ian was at the bar & waved, plus there was this amazing 6ft 8" (in her flat Ugg boots) fab black transsexual, who I chatted to & had a pic with.

I Know I'm In Flat Boots Too, But I'm 5ft 9"

There are TV screens on walls & pillars with a text number, for people in club, to send messages to those who catch their eye! I pulled Ian over to one screen to show him a funny text that said "Will somebody please grab, the desperate guy with dreadlocks, on the dance floor & give him a bloody hard Fuck, before he explodes!!" 

With my rain soaked fringe & Ian
In front of one of, the text screens

We were laughing at it & a guy in his 50's was staring at us, we went outside for Ian to have another cigarette & then came back in & had a bit of a dance. Then the starey guy in his 50's stood right in front of us, with another guy, the other guy looked at me, then at guy in his 50's & shook his head, I looked at them confused, then the guy who had originally been staring said "I thought you were Catherine Tate!!" PML that's another new one Gerry Halliwell & Catherine Tate!! I really am rocking the Ginger vibe today!!

"What A F@#king Liberty!!"

We went outside, so Ian could smoke, after Ian had put up a text message on the TV screen saying "The Blonde, Busty, Barbie is Looking for a Action Man & Not a Ken!! & so is her partner!!" which made me laugh. Outside some guy who said he was Bisexual, but was more into women (he'd only had one gay experience) Was chatting to us & really flirting with me, saying he doesn't live far from me in St Albans. Ian was interested in him & found him cute, he was OK looking, but just not my type, looks or personality wise. 

Another Cutie (Not the Bi Guy!)

The 3 of us sat chatting in a booth area, when a real cute guy came over. I thought 'Just my luck, a hot guy & he is gay!!' He said to me "Which guy are you with?" I replied "Neither, so whichever one of them your interested in, is single!!" he laughed & said "I'm straight I'm interested in you!! ...... Do I look gay??"  Errrrr fit bod, trendy clothes, pretty boy face & trendy type hair (yeah pretty much does look like he could be gay!!) I laughed & said "I just assumed, because of where we are" 

Straight or Gay?
You Decide!!

He said "I just saw this hot babe, with an amazing bod over by the bar & thought, I will kick myself if I don't come over to see if she's single" Bloody hell it must darker in there than I thought. I laughed & said "Ha ha thanks but I think you need contact lenses, if you think this body is hot!! But give it a few months, when I have lost the 2st I've gained & it will be pretty close to being hot again!" He said "Your perfect as you are & I hope I don't have to wait a few months to see it!!".... PML Cheeky!!

We got chatting, his name was Ben he's 23 & he lives in South London & is an actor & he was trying his best, to get me to go back to his for the night. Tempting as that may be, that was a no go & I told him so & he asked for my number, saying "Maybe we could rehearse some lines round my place some time?" Meanwhile I could see Ian, trying to work his charms on the Bi Guy, out the corner of my eye. 

The club was about to close so Ben & I swapped numbers & he said he'd better go try, find his friends, but if I'm gone before he gets back he'd text/call me soon. Ian & I headed for the night-bus to go back to his in Stockwell. As we did so, at 3.46am Ben text "Hey didn't get to say goodbye so I'm saying it now. Hopefully see you soon. Ben x" I text back "Gr8 2c you too safe journey home" 

Got to the bus stop, and got chatting to a hot, tall, dark haired guy also 23 (Can't recall his name) who also got our bus & sat next to me, he was just asking about my phone number, when Ian & I realise it was our stop & we had to get off. So the guy gave me a hug and a peck on the cheek & said it was great meeting me. Ian & I walked to his getting 2 bottles of Wine from the 24hr Off Licence. 

Ian laughed & said "Bloody hell girl your Cougarness was on fire tonight!! Those 3 young hotties so wanted you!! Plus the older guy earlier that makes 4!!" I laughed & said "I wasn't even looking, or trying!! I'd better wear that perfume again!! Shame the ITV Cougar crew were not around to whiteness that!!" We watched  TV & chatted in hushed tones as not to disturb his light sleeper lodger Barbie upstairs (yes I'm not the only Barbie in Ian's life!! But I'm the only Evil one!!) while watching recorded TV & drinking wine until 8.30am. What Lushes!! (Calories consumed 2,963 OOPS!!)

Wednesday 26th Jan, Crashed in Ian's King Sized bed, with Ian, me wearing his boxing gloves T-Shirt, at 8.45am & fell asleep pretty quick, woke at 11.37am when my friend Julie text me re ex situation. Went back to sleep & woke at 2pm. Ian was still out cold & we obviously were not going to spend the afternoon doing anything. So I spent the time to lay there, thinking over things & returned Julies Text. My friend Mike called me & I chatted to him, on my mobile in hushed tones, as Ian slept next to me. 

Heard Meddy get ready & go out at 2pm, I sent Ben a casual but friendly text, so if he doesn't reply to me within a 2 day period, I will take it that he was only after a shag, or it was the beer talking last night! My friend Julie replied to my text at 4.12pm & Ian still slept as the rain lashed against the window, I have to say Ian's bed is very comfy, a good firm mattress (I hate the soft ones, that you sink into!!) 

He woke at 4.50pm saying "Shit it's almost 5pm" I said "Yeah I know, I've been awake a few hours, but didn't wake you as you obviously needed the sleep!!" he said "How about a few drinks in Clapham before you go home?" & I said "OK sounds like a plan!!" He let Meddy's Chihuahua Caden out & the cute little tan & white thing was all over us, as we got ready. Thankfully Drag Queen Ian, had a bag of make-up, as I'd not brought any, as I wasn't expecting to stay over Tuesday! Did my make-up & hair & used some of Ian's Versace Blue Jeans Cologne as I had no perfume with me! (most of the Versace Jeans range is unisex anyway!)

Walked from Ian's in Stockwell to Clapham North & we went into Subway & I had a Tuna 6" Sub. Next we went to Kazbar & he got us a bottle of white wine to share, then he text his friend Stuart to join us. At 7.10pm Nick who I met in Burger King yesterday text, saying "Hi, did you have a fab night? I think you said you might be in London Friday. Fancy one quick glass of Champagne around 5ish? Nick" I replied "Nice thought but I need to be in Wimbledon for 5pm & the rest of the night filming" he replied "OK just thought I'd check. Would love to See you again. Nx" I replied "Well I'll let you know when I'm next in London or we can meet if your ever around St Albans" To which he responded "OK. I do pass thru St Albans from time to time. PS - filming tv shows sounds v impressive. show me sometime! x"

Kazbar Clapham North

Ian's friend Stuart turned up, he was a real sweety, we were having a laugh talking about his new job & astrology. I told him I do Star & Numerology charts for my friends & he gave me his details to do his, which I will when I find the time. We moved on to The Two Brewers, after popping into KFC 1st to buy some fries to line our stomachs with, and it was now obvious I would be staying at Ian's again. 

We got some more wine & sat at a table in the raised area, where we sat last time we were there, with my friend Mike. I was telling the boys the tale of Candie & My fancy dress Wednesdays (apt on a Wednesday) and Ian was telling Steve, that I had serious pulling power last night, and I laughed & said "It must of been my perfume!" They went out to have a cigarette, jokily saying "Try not to pull while we are gone!"

 The Three Amigo's in The Two Brewers

Shortly after their exit, two young guys on the next table started chatting to me & I asked them how long they'd been together? They looked at me confused & I said "A Couple?" They then looked surprised and said "What? You think we are Gay??" I said "Well this is a Gay Bar!!" They said they hadn't realised & the flirty one, sat closest to me, introduced himself as Chris, his friend was Tim. 

Chris lived in Clapham, his friend Tim didn't, Chris was very cheeky & was a bit like a male version of me. He asked me what I thought they did & I said "You look like you both work in the City, in Finance or in Property!!?" He laughed & said "I'm in Finance & Tim is in Property!! Very good, So how old am I?" I took a long look at him & said "Somewhere between  23 & 25!!" Chris smiled & said "Spot on I'm 24!!" At which point Ian & Stuart returned, saw me sat with the two young hotties & both gave me 'I don't believe it' looks & smirked, & they joined the boy's & I, at the boys table.

Chris challenged me, to answer 5 questions wrong, if I did so successfully he'd buy me a drink, If I didn't I'd have to buy him one! The 1st 4 were easy, get maths questions, or the colour of things wrong, on the 5th he said "You got the last one right!" I replied "No I didn't!" he thought he had me, as to say things wrong I should say "Yes I did!" but as I pointed out to him, the 5th thing he said, was a statement NOT a question!! He should of said "Didn't you just get that last one right?" for it to be a question! 

He tried another test, which I passed again, which seemed to impress him. Lol I belonged to Mensa, psychological tests for members are ten a dozen. We chatted about all sorts & got on the subject of astrology & discovered he was a fellow Gemini (no wonder he reminded me, of a male me!!) We swapped numbers & he said to add him on Facebook, adding that his 1st name is Christopher on there, then he tried to kiss me & I backed away saying "I never kiss in public!" But he planted me one on the lips anyway, Cheekily saying "I'll give you a 9 out of 10 for kissing!" and went off with Tim. Ian said "Your unbelievable another hottie pulled in a gay bar!!"

With The Lovely Steve

I couldn't find my phone & wondered if Chris picked it up by mistake, when he put his stuff in his pocket to go?? Ian Ran after him, just as I found the phone, that had fallen down a gap in the bonkets. I was just about to text Ian, when he came back in, out of breath. He'd actually caught up with them, before they hit Clapham North station. I text Chris 'Sorry you were chased for the phone, we didn't think you'd stolen it, but thought you could of picked it up by mistake'. He text back at midnight "It's fine. I usually have people running after me. I hear your in London Friday" I guess Ian must of just told him, or his friend Tim after chatting to Ian & Stuart. I text back "Why? don't you usually pay the bar bill??"

Dave Lynn came on, I'd forgotten about the drag acts, I know Dave Lynn's act from back when I lived in Brighton & he was also, the entertainment at my friend Richards Wedding to Jason a few months ago. So I went down near the stage to watch his act, he had a fab leopard print outfit on & fab matching leopard ankle boots, being one of the few women in there, we had a bit of banter, with him calling me Jordan (AKA  Katie Price) 

Doing The Jordan Duck Pout (Needs Work!!)

He sang a few songs, I love a Drag Queen who actually sings & not lip-syncs then a bit more banter with me when he asked what I did & I said "Fuck All" he replied "So you definitely are Jordon, if you fuck one & all!!" he asked me again & I said a bit of acting & extra work. A rather unattractive gay Irish guy asked which agent & I reeled off a few, which he dismissed as nothing, as if I was rubbish.

Dave Lynn called me up & said to sing to the crowd & the backing track to "Big Spender" came on, luckily somehow I burst into song & remembered all the words, and as we were in a Gay Bar I ended it with "Hey Big Spender! & All You Benders!!...... Speeeeeend A Little Time With MEEEEE!!!!" 

The Crowd clapped me (no doubt expecting me to be rubbish) & the unattractive gay Irish guy, who was so dismissive of me earlier, was all over me saying he was one step up from an agent (whatever that is) and said he wanted to sign me! Ian came down from the back area & said he'd filmed me singing on stage, but he couldn't come all the way to the front, as Steve had gone out for a cigarette & so he couldn't move too far from our coats & bags etc. (I will upload video when Ian downloads it!!)
Steve joined us & the Irish guy was all over them raving about me, being a bit of a pest to be honest & then dragged me up to jive with him. I was chatting with Ian when I overheard, Stuart was having a very heated conversation with the Irish guy about me?? But I had no idea what about!? But Stuart was saying "She is an amazing woman don't you dare talk about her with disrespect like that!!" the Irish Guy was then going back "She is fantastic I love her" 

 No I'm Not Dave Lynn!! He's Back On Stage!!
 Seems Steve Didn't just Have the Argument Licked!!

So they were both singing my praises, yet arguing about me, most odd. I forgot to ask Stuart what the Irish guy said, that he felt was disrespectful to me? We said goodbye to Stuart & Ian & I walked back to his, getting a bottle of white & a bottle of red wine from the Off Licence again. Then Ian put on his "Coming Out" film on, which had a Cameo of Dave Lynn in, in a diaphanous emerald green sequinned dress. The Film was called 'Beautiful Thing' it also had Shirley & the big loud black woman from EastEnders in it! 

While we guzzled the wine Doritos & Quavers, I was ironically talking about losing the 2st, I gained when mum died to Ian & he said I didn't need to worry, I had a good figure, most women in their 40's would wish they had, adding "You have pulled 5 men with no effort in 2 days & the 4 I saw were all hotties!! Believe me you have nothing to worry about body wise!!" I said "Fare enough, but I want to get rid of it for me!!" adding "I'm not happy with this!" as I gripped a chunk of hip in my hand, as I sat cross legged on the floor. 

Then I said "But at least I can do this!!" As I bent both feet behind my head, Ian said "Bloody Hell your super flexible!!" I said "Yeah I have hyper Mobility!!" I popped to the ladies & sat back on the couch & one of Ian's tenant's Meddy Ford, came in, from an event job, she had been going round topless, in a thong, body painted in a England Football Kit. Which she showed us, under her coat. Meddy went up to bed to get cleaned up & Ian & I ended up going to bed at around 7am (Calories consumed 2,003 OOPS Again!!)

Ian's Sporty Model Tenant Meddy

Thursday 27th Jan, Crashed out from 7am until 2pm & got up to a cold, but for once not rainy day, had a wash & borrowed Ian's make-up again, popped down stairs to pick my half wig up, off of the Power Plate & I ran into Meddy all dolled up & looking cute in a pail dusky pink faux fur coat, with leather look tie belt, off to another work event (You've got to admire the girls great work ethic, of making the most of what god gave her, while she still has it) 

One of Ian's female lodgers, is waiting to hear if she has got the job of one of the Playboy Bunny's, in the Playboy Club that is reopening in London. Which really gives me Deja Vou. Because when we lived in Belgravia, in London, when I was a young child. We use to regularly drive past the Bunny Club, on Park Lane, with the big bunny head with a bow tie. As a little girl I asked what it was & Dad said it was "The Bunny Club, where pretty ladies in Bunny Girl outfits served drinks" it sounded very glam & when I kept asking about it, eventually dad showed me a picture of a bunny girl, with her silver tray!! From that moment that was it, I was hooked, I wanted to be a bunny girl when I grew  up!!

 The 1960's Bunny I Wanted To Be!!

We moved to Buckinghamshire when I was 5yrs & one day in my infant school, they asked us in assembly what we wanted to be when we grew up? The usual things cropped up a Fireman, nurse, doctor, farmer, shop keeper, dustman etc & then they came to me, the 5yr old with a frilly dress & ringlets, & she said "I want to be a Bunny Girl when I grow up!" There was a few seconds of silence, then the teachers all burst out laughing, then one of the kids piped up "What's a bunny girl??" "A lady who serves drinks, dressed as a bunny" I replied, then all the kids were laughing too!! 

The Bunny My School Pals Thought
I Wanted To Be

The teachers laughed, because they knew what a bunny girl was & was not expecting an infant, to be harbouring ambitions to be one, and the other infants laughed, because they thought I wanted to dress as a rabbit for work, when I grew up!! So I was gutted when it closed down in 1981 when I was 16 coming up 17 before I was old enough to be one!! So I hope Ian's lodger gets it, where as I couldn't!

I got ready, deciding not to put my lenses in, to give my eyes a rest, then I said goodbye to Ian & his lodger Barbie who'd just got in. Then set off to Stockwell tube, getting a cheese & pickle sandwich & a packet of Wotsits en route. I got the Victoria line to Kings Cross & the Thameslink Train home. My phone went off on the train & saw I'd had a text message from Chris at 4pm saying "Where's my reply. Tut" I text back "I did reply!" he text "I got none ;-( "  

Hmmm so he was keen enough to be waiting for my text!! Good to know, then another one came through saying "What did They say??" I told him about the bar tab, joke comment & said shame they had to go, as I was on stage singing later.  He replied "Ha. Yer bet ur awful, I would have you down more as a mind reader. Give up the singing, I am at work & very bored" 

I said "You cheeky git, I was applauded Ian has it on video" he responded with "Dubious. why did you stay in gay bar all night. Would have loved to have stayed. I was only Just getting to know you. X" Awwwe that's sweet!! I replied "Because I was with my 2 gay friends & like the drag act!!"  Had the sandwich & Wotsits on the train & chilled with the paper I bought too! Got off train at St Albans & walked home.

I Got in just before 7pm caught up on my Facebook & Twitter messages, I was quite touched that my absence online, for two and a half days was noted & even more touched that some were worried by it! I spotted that Chris or rather Christopher had sent me a Facebook friend request, which I accepted  &  chatted for a bit on Facebook & Twitter, while watching the soaps & at 8pm I had a thin based tomato, spinach & mozzarella pizza & a diet coke. 

Then at 9pm I watched "Come Fly With Me" not that funny but bugger all else on!! At 9.37pm Chris text me saying "I've been checking your Facebook your boobs are ridiculous" I laughed & replied "Well I thought that was quite apparent yesterday" (As I was still in my Cougar outfit from Tues on Wed) He replied "I didn't even notice them last night. You were too busy telling me about Gemini" I laughed again & text "You asked me about Gemini when the subject cropped up, so of course I talked about it!!" he replied "Then you tried to kiss me so shocked" which made me burst out laughing cheeky sod as that was him planting a kiss on me! I replied "I think you will find it was you doing the kissing!!" to which he replied "You Wanted me ;-) " cheeky bugger I replied "If you say so babe!!" 

Watched 'Not Going Out' (very funny) then the 10 O'clock Live (Not at all funny) Then what I'd stayed up for the 'Big Fat Gypsy Wedding' that I missed Tuesday, the non Gypsy girl was marrying her Gypsy boyfriend who she'd been friends with since childhood. She was wearing a massive baby pink wedding dress that had electronic butterfly's that fluttered on it & lit up at night when they had their 1st dance. 

But the biggest shock was her non Gypsy mum that looked rougher than any gypo, with her yellow blonde hair, against skin so overly fake tanned, it was the colour of dark chocolate more than milk chocolate. She looked like a black woman, most odd!! Then at midnight I crashed out, but got on the scales 1st though, worried how much my all my eating & drinking would of larded me up with? but my weight had remained stable, nothing gained phew!! (Calories Consumed 1,437)

Friday 28th Jan, Woke at 7am when my Mobile went, it was the plumber he said was I about for him to fix my bath taps?? I said yes but I had to have a bath & hair wash & be out the house to go to an event by 3.30pm (The Louie Spence's Showbusiness Finale Show) so it needed to be done in time for me to get ready & be out the door by 3.30pm. He said he'd come over once he was finished with the job he was doing & would call in about a hr to give me an idea of the time. 

So I had a quick wash & slipped on Juicy Couture Tracksuit (so I'd be dressed when he arrived) Then had a coffee & an apple & Curlywurly for breakfast, brushed out my Rachel half wig & checked my Facebook & Twitter & updated statuses. By 9am still no word from plumber, which was annoying, as his phone number was withheld, so I couldn't call him, to see when he was turning up.

So was stuck in Limbo unable to have a bath or wash my hair, in case he turned up, as soon as I got in the bath! At noon he called to say the job was tougher than he expected & he wasn't going to make it!! Grrrrrrr surely he could of told me that by 9-9.30am!! So I ran  the bath & put a 3 cheese pizza in the oven, as lunch would have to keep me going until filming ended at 10.30-11pm. I had my bath & washed hair & wrapped it in a towel. Had my Pizza with a little bit of Danish Blue cheese crumbled on it (3 & 4 cheese pizzas never seem to include blue cheese, which I love!!)

Did my make-up, dried my hair & dressed in fishnets, black Jane Norman, jersey shirt dress, my black sequinned jacket, & 3/4 black suede boots. attached my half wig & black & silver lace headband & diamanté jewellery. Realised I'd left my contact lenses at Ian's, bugger & text him, to ask them to bring them to the theatre this afternoon, but he text back he was ill & wasn't coming (bugger again!!) Hmmm ill or hung over Ian? lol. So I had to put in my old contact lenses, which I didn't want to do, as my eyes will get bloodshot for several days after using. 

Put on my Pink ribbon mix scarf & gloves & wore my long Black coat, attaching a mini black umbrella, to my black favourite Salvador Ferragamo handbag, as the sky's are very grey & stepped out into the bitter cold, windy day at 3.30pm. As Pulse told us in the email they wanted us there early at 5.30pm, to be interviewed on camera. My friend Stephanie Ledigo, also messaged me on Facebook, just before I left, saying she was too ill to go too!! Gutted was looking forward to catching up with her.

Lovely Steph

Got a 300 bus to St Albans City Train Station, then got my return ticket to Wimbledon £15 & got a receipt (just in case we got our expenses back!) I won't hold my breath, Sarah from Pulse, has been responding to emails with directions, but has avoided responding to my question re expenses being paid today! The same way she has been avoiding my emails, about the 2 lots of expenses Pulse still owe me £35.60 for, two lots of expenses promised. but yet not paid out (due to the excuse, they'd forgot to bring the petty cash, on the day of filming, twice!!) it's been owed me since 6 months ago!! 

They are pretty good at avoiding paying you, what they owe, while meanwhile raking in money for the show from Sky!! & I'm not the only one waiting!! It's not as if my £35.60 will make a big dent in their budget, where as having it refunded, would be a big help to me right now!! Maybe they're avoiding paying up, as they have decided they are not going to use the footage shot, the expenses owed are from (Zombie Audition & Chase & Status Music Video) but if so, that's neither my fault nor my problem!!

 Zombie'd Up, Pay Up!!
 Lunch Break Filming Chase & Status
"Let You Go"

Got the fast train to Kings Cross, then got the Piccadilly line to Earls Court, bang on schedule & then F**K!! I got onto the District Line Earls Court platform for Wimbledon to discover NO TRAINS TO WIMBLEDON!! WTF!!? It turned out due to a customer incident at Fulham Broadway there were no trains running between Earls Court & Wimbledon OMG!! Noooooooooooooo!! There are no other trains that go to Wimbledon & a bus would take forever in rush hour as would a taxi, Not only would I not get there by 5.30pm for filming, but I'd not get there by the 6pm deadline, to exchange my downloaded ticket for a real one!! 

OMG it looked like my whole trip had been for nothing!! I text Nerissa about the problem & she replied she knew she was stuck at Edgeware Road station with no District line for Wimbledon!!.... I was just wracking my brain, as to what to do?  When suddenly an announcement came over the tannoy that the trains would now depart to Wimbledon, but not stop at Fulham Broadway!!....... Thank God!!! 

Text Nerissa so hopefully she will know before getting on a bus instead! Got to The New Wimbledon Theatre & spotted Polly, Bob, Paul, Atul & Andy & some bird he dragged along (errr?? we were told no guests) Told them about train problems & Bob & Polly said they had seen ambulance's outside Fulham Broadway. Paul came prepared with his Rhinestone'd "THE EXTRAS" T-Shirt!

Took my online form to get my ticket & one of the 2 girls was about to rip me off a ticket, but the other girl who seemed to recognise me, said "No she is one of the celeb stars of the show, in the front row" & gave me a ticket from a different strip. My Fauxmance buddy Bob was delighted we were sat together, and we had a good ole laugh about it. 

The ticket hall was getting packed and the show didn't start until 7.30pm so we were told we could go wait backstage so we went in stage door & Polly & I shared a Disabled loo, to have a well needed pee (the cold weather was having an effect) with Nerissa texting to ask us where we were (as she was walking down from station) and we sorted out our windswept selves!! 
Minute DVD, Mugged A Tin Soldier, for His Stage Costume

Chatted backstage to David (Burger) Van Day, who is minutely tiny!!! the top of his head came to just under my chest! Then Jesus from "Starman" leaped on Polly & I hugging us both, while going on about our boobs. Then we were told it was too crowded back stage, so we needed to go off somewhere until 6.25pm. So we went across to the pub opposite (texting Nerissa who'd still not turned up, where we were) 

I had a Vodka Slimline, then Nerissa turned up & we all headed over to the theatre again. Just as we were heading out of the pub, I was delighted to see, the lovely Stephanie having a drink with her "Starman" Boyfriend Michael Cowdroy (They make such a cute couple!) She said "Where are you sitting?" I said "In the front row" she said she would see me in there.

The Extras take their front seats
 Schmoozing With Bob
Nerissa Polly & Paul - The Extras

We headed down to our front seat rows & saw Loose Women, Fag Hag, Denise Welsh who was to be sat at the front of the balcony with some of the lookalikes. Meanwhile the Queen lookalike was in balcony stage right & The Beckham's, Ricky Gervais, Simon Cowell & Johnny Depp lookalikes were in the balcony stage left.

Lookalikes Looking Up At The TV Cameras

Paul & Bob went to the bar & brought us back drinks, and people behind us recognised us from the show & were getting us to pose for pics, for them, most surreal! 

Posing For Our Fans

There was a pair of pensioners with a big blue toy cat sat on the end seat, at the front. We can only imagine he does a ventriloquist act that is on the 'Showbusiness' show at some point!!? Then the warm up guy came on! OMFG!!! It was my ex Ian, that guy haunts me, we met, when we were both on 'The Time & The Place' in the late 80's then after we broke up (when I sussed he was married) He was then the warm up guy, when I was on 'Test The Nation' & again when I was on 'Johnny & Denise' and a few other shows I did! He hadn't changed, still leering over big boobs, licking ice cream off of one of a girls boobs, for him to give her a free ice cream (I'd of said stuff the ice cream) 

Ex Ian those 20 Odd Years Haven't Been Kind

 We had a laugh with the blonde Pulse camera man that filmed Nerissa & I in The Zombie movie, as he filmed us in the front row.

Pulse's, Zombie, Camera Guy

The lights went down & the show started!! Out came a flamboyant Louie in T-Shirt, black jeans & Jacket as he introduced each part which had a bit of Showbusiness video footage, followed by an act with Louie changing his V-Neck T-Shirt colour each introduction, from Yellow to Red, to White to Emerald etc Teeny Tiny David Van Day, sang a song Rich & Famous with a pretty & equally tiny wife, there was a drag act & a few dance acts, then Andrew Stone came on with Starman, he is pretty tiny too (The Showbusiness world is full of borrowers!!) 

Starman rocked & Andrew sung his heart out. When we gave them a standing ovation we could see he was choked & welling up, which almost brought a tear to my own eye I have to say. Then there was a dance routine with guys in flesh coloured pants with others (not fit like the dancers) in the same but with big fake penises & pubes, dancing about. Even the blonde Pulse Camera man ran across stage, with his camera, with a big fake penis flopping about in front of him, funny.

The Break came & the boys got us more drinks & the Gordon Ramsey & Rickey Gervais handed out little tubs of vanilla ice cream like usherettes. My ex Ian came out a bit more. I could tell he'd clocked I was there & was avoiding me! Then the 2nd half  'The Magnets' were on, a male 6 piece who sing & use voices as the music at same time (You can see them at The Roundhouse on Sat 26th March 2011you can get more info about them at WWW.THEMAGNETS.COM or on Twitter @themagnets

Next ditsy Trish Walsh was on, in a slinky bejeweled red catsuit, lip syncing to her song "It's Good To Be A Cougar" which was quite funny & catchy. The Dreamboys came on & launched into their dance routine & then began to strip, flinging garments into the audience.

 The Dreamboys

Louie's Very Hot, Dreamboy Nephew, Lotan Carter began disrobing & throwing his clothes at the audience, 1st a jacket landed on my lap, then a shirt & then his trousers, I thought to myself  "If Ian was here tonight he'd so be sniffing those & getting a boner!!!" Polly & Nerissa were getting very excited & animated, saying "He was so looking at you the whole routine, your so in there!!" 

Dreamboy Hottie Lotan Carter

Where as I am much more grounded, logical & pragmatic about the whole thing, and I am 100% sure it had nothing to do with fancying me, but had 100% to do with needing a point to focus on during the routine, and my sparkly jacket being at the front was a easy eye line.

Louie came back on stage picking up scattered clothes from the stage. I was holding out Lotan's entire outfit & called to Louie to give them to him, & he said "They're yours you can keep them!!" Which shocked me, I'm sure they have multiple rip off black trousers & shirts but the Jackets looked expensive & they were more likely to only have one each. 

Andrew Stone Came on & did a solo medley of George Michael hits & was good, again when it was over & we stood up and cheered & clapped he welled up and a tear run down his cheek, blimey what was he expecting boo's?? Louie handed out some gifts & Polly grinded on stage & got a set of Pineapple mugs!! The finale came to of course 'There's No Business Like Showbusiness' all participants coming back on stage! Then once it was all over A woman came out searching for Dreamboys Jackets (thought so) calling out to the crowd (more than mine was obviously missing) I handed her the one I had & she searched the rows of seats, but I think the crowd's had scarpered with any others!!

In Foyer With A Fan

We made our way to the foyer & people came up to pose with us for photos (crazy!!) Saw Stephanie again she said she had been back stage & was going to help the lads (Starman) pack up the van. I said we were going across the road to the pub & she said she'd probably see me in there! 

 Posing In The Pub, For Our Showbusiness Fans

So Bob, Nerissa, Polly, Andy, Paul & I went to go to the Pub, being stopped again for photos before we could, then when we arrived at the bar, it was like the Martians had landed & we were the centre of attention, everyone wanted to chat to us & more photos ensued & we were asked for our Facebook Profiles etc. Eventually it was time for us to leave, to catch our trains & I spotted a rather tearful looking Andrew Stone, by the bar so Paul & I went over & said how we got choked up when you got emotional up there!! 

 Paul & I With Fellow Showbizer Andrew Stone

Adding "You did well on your George Michael Solo, if it doesn't work out as a band you always have a solo career to fall back on!!" He smiled at that & laughed & said "Tell him that!!" pointing at his manager Rob, I laughed & said "No that would be like dissing Starman" He introduced us to his small blonde girlfriend, who seemed sweet & shy, he said a lot of Starman stuff was cut from Showbusiness too, including a funny picnic with the band, then we had a photo taken with him & then I asked Andrew if he'd seen my friend Steph, who is dating his Starman guitarist Mickey? (Even though she went on a date with Andrew, on the Showbusiness show) He looked like a rabbit caught in the headlights as I said that & just shook his head (The reason For that became clear a bit later!!)

Bob Nerissa & Polly had left & vanished ahead of us, so Paul, Andy + his bit of skirt & I headed for the tube. Now hungry I got a Tomato Brie & Basil Baguette from Upper Crust & Paul a Cornish Pasty & Potato Wedges, from The Cornish Pasty Company. We got the District & then Piccadilly lines to Kings Cross, The fast train to St Albans was there but the stopping train that Paul, Andy & his +1 wanted was another 20mins so I caught my train rather than wait 20mins with Paul & Andy. Got home at 1.15am updated my Facebook & Twitter status, when I suddenly saw the Andrew Stone post on Facebook & Twitter saying: That 3 members of Starman have told Andrew Stone that tonight was their last gig & they're leaving. Shortly after Stephanie Ledigo messaged me to say sorry she missed me, and that she was forming a new band Daylight Theory with 3 members of Starman!!! LOL No wonder Andrew stared at me when I mentioned her name! I bet he thought I knew & had a bit of a brass neck mentioning her to him! Whoops (Calories Consumed 1,838)

No comments:

Post a Comment